Seen above serving up some pin-up Voldemort tease in a pair of super masculine black swim panties, 80-year-old Giorgio Armani let all the dudes know in an interview with The Sunday Times Magazine (via Towleroad) that if you see his picture after opening up Grindr near the Death Eaters’ lair, you better not message him if you’re full of muscle and not 100% masc. No fats, muscle marys or human men who get squeamish when a Slytherin sucks the life out of them during a salad tossing session. The Italian Oompa Loompa said that he doesn’t like it when a man dresses extremely homosexual and he also spat up a mini rant about muscles.
“A homosexual man is a man 100 per cent. He does not need to dress homosexual. When homosexuality is exhibited to the extreme – to say: ‘Ah, you know I’m homosexual,’ – that has nothing to do with me. A man has to be a man.
I don’t like muscle boy. Not too much gym! I like somebody healthy, somebody solid, who looks after his body but doesn’t use his muscles too much.”
Holy Google Translate HELL! That reads like my drunk ass translated it from Italian to English. And the only Italian I know I learned from the menu at the Olive Garden. But I still expect Elton John to lose his mind over this and boycott Giorgio Armani for a couple of hours.
I do love the line “homosexuality is exhibited to the extreme.” If I was an exhibit in a museum and the tour guide stopped in front of me as I was trolling PornHub in between writing a post about John Travolta as the Golden Girls played on the TV in front of me, they’d tell the museum goers, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is homosexuality exhibited to the extreme.” Actually, scratch that. The tour guide would say, “This is forever aloneness exhibited to the extreme.”
And is Giorgio Armani trying to destroy his company and make sales plummet? Is this all part of some insurance scheme? Because if he’s saying that men should only dress super manly and masculine, then he’s essentially saying that men shouldn’t buy the clothes he designs. I mean, he designed this super masculine ensemble (which I would totally wear to Smart + Final, by the way):
And just like that, every one of Giorgio Armani’s employees quit on the spot and are standing in the back of the line at the unemployment office, because they’re not going to be there when Madonna shows up in a cloud of black smoke to destroy what he loves most for shading her. Giorgio Armani is 80, so I’m assuming she’s going to destroy his stash of Wertherio’s Originales (“Wertherio’s Originales” are the Italian version of Werther’s Originals.)
After Madge did an interpretative dance portrayal of MDNA’s second week sales at the Brit Awards last week, she explained in an Instagram post that her Giorgio Armani cape was tied too tight and she couldn’t get it off in time. I’m sure she wrote that Instagram post while sitting on the beautiful chair she made with the bones of the dancer who snatched her to the floor and made her get whiplash. I didn’t take Madge’s comment as a slap to Giorgio Armani, but I guess he did. After his show in Milan, Giorgio Armani told the Associated Press that he wanted to put a hook on the cape, but Madge insisted on ties and you know what a diva bitch she can be.
Giorgio Armani says the bull fighter’s cape that brought down Madonna during a live performance at Brit Awards was meant to be closed with an easy-to-undo hook. She wanted it tied instead.
“Madonna, as we all know, is very difficult,” Armani said with a smile and a shrug backstage after his Emporio Armani show. “That’s all there was to it.”
I love it when fancy Italian pepaw fashion designers bring the bitchiness. Giorgio Armani’s subtle bitchy words are like a defibrillator on my soul. I’m sure Madge won’t be bothered by his words at all and will gladly wear him again. I’m sure that during her next performance of Living For Love, she’ll wear another giant Giorgio Armani cape custom made out of HIS SKIN.
And here’s Madge giving you brothel madam outside of a TV station in Milan last night.