Entertainment Weekly is reporting that Fox has ordered another season of the limited series version of The X-Files. The revival that premiered in January last year had six episodes; this second season will have 10. Not surprisingly, David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson will be back as Mulder and Scully. Creator Chris Carter will be back as executive producer. It will air sometime during the 2017-2018 season. Both David and Gillian confirmed the news on Twitter yesterday.
— Gillian Anderson (@GillianA) April 21, 2017
The President of Fox released this statement about choosing to pick up The X-Files again.
“Iconic characters, rich storytelling, bold creators – these are the hallmarks of great TV shows. And they are some of the reasons why The X-Files has had such a profound impact on millions of fans worldwide. Chris’ creativity, along with the brilliant work of David and Gillian, continue to propel this pop culture phenomenon, and we can’t wait to see what fresh mysteries Mulder and Scully uncover in this next chapter of The X-Files.”
Basically, “DUH, of course we renewed it. The fans would watch Mulder and Scully watch paint dry.” But also because those last six episodes were pretty good to me. Now that we know for sure that we’re getting another installment of The X-Files, I hope this means they’ll solve the important mystery from last season. No, I’m not talking about (SPOILER ALERT) if Mulder will be saved by William’s DNA. We need to know if Gillian will wear that sad lifeless wig again. The truth is out there!
Not pictured: Volunteers from UNICEF who are standing by with jugs and waiting for Salma Hayek’s suffocating tits to explode so they can collect her miracle chichi leche and feed it to dozens of starving orphans.
Last night in London, Salma Hayek went to something called The Evening Standard Theatre Awards and I bet that the people who went to that event couldn’t even tell you who won awards or what happened. The only thing they remember is Salma Hayek’s squeezed honeydew titty sacks. Salma Hayek’s magnificent chichis will make a ho forget everything.
Thanks to that ugly clown collar, Salma’s tits look like two face-less babies in bonnets sleeping next to each other. They also look like overfilled water balloons lying on a table and the next time I’m at a family party and see overfilled water balloons lying on a table, I’ll have to resist the urge to motorboat them.
And here’s more pictures of Salma Hayek’s TITS as well as pictures of Keith Urban, Nicole Kidman, Kate Beckinsale and Ralph Fine-ass looking like the most charming flasher ever.
Excuse me, but I need a moment to wipe away the various bodily fluids that started seeping out of me (drool, tears, random down-low liquids) after my eyes gazed upon the glorious sight of a still-can-get-it David Duchovny respectfully mouth humping on Gillian Anderson. Normally I’d call Gillian a fool for not grabbing his face with both hands and shoving her tongue deep enough into his throat that she could play his trachea like a xylophone, but Gillian is clearly more of a lady than I am. “Understatement” just hissed every one who knows my trashy ass.
The reason for Mulder and Scully’s mini X-Files reunion was to celebrate the release of David’s debut album Hell or Highwater in New York last night. Gillian hopped up on stage with David to sing a duet of “Helpless”, and that’s why the person in your office with the I WANT TO BELIEVE poster is currently sobbing in the bathroom. It’s not bad; it’s basically what I imagine it would sound like if Mulder and Scully got drunk after work on questionable alien wine and hit up a karaoke bar.
Obviously Gillian and David’s duet and subsequent kiss could all just be some pre-planned stunt queen moves to drum up attention for his album or get people hyperventilating about that upcoming X-Files reboot, but I don’t care. Watching Mulder and Scully pre-fuck (isn’t that what kissing is, really?) is like nerd Christmas. But just like regular Christmas, I didn’t get what I really wanted out of that performance: hot daddy Walter Skinner entering from stage right without a shirt on and tearing shit up with a sexy harmonica solo.
That’s literally the exact same face I make any time someone tells me they think Justin Bieber is “just misunderstood.” And I’m not sure why she’s making it, but Gillian Anderson might find herself making that same face during a post-fuck conversation in the future that starts with the words “Wanna see my scarf collection?” According to The Sun (via The Daily Mail), there’s a pretty good chance that might happen, because Scully recently asked Chris Martin on a date. Today I learned: insomnia is very real and those who suffer from it will do anything to cure it. No! Maybe she just really likes drowsy singing types?
A “source” (Scully’s hot baldy boss Walter Skinner, I hope) said 46-year-old Gillian and 38-year-old Chris Martin are an “unlikely combination” but have “definite chemistry.” Sure, but what about…you know…Chris Martin’s girlfriend Jennifer Lawrence? Maybe she’s cool with it because she’s a hard-core X-Files fan from way back who has always dreamed of a three-way with Scully.
Of course, neither Gillian not Chris Martin’s people have yet to comment on their possible date. But I’m sure the truth is out th-NO ALLISON! You got this far without making a hackey X-Files joke, you don’t have to start now.
In the meantime, don’t expect to see Chris’ ex-wife (or as she probably calls herself, his former executive espousal consort) Gwyneth Paltrow getting jealous and rushing to one-up him by smug-arming Fox Mulder into a quickie marriage. Comic Book Guy’s culinary-world cousin Mario Batali told the NY Daily News that he doesn’t think his pal Goopy will ever get married again. Oh, that’s sad. I was really hoping to find out what Goopy-sounding snobby person term Gwyneth would invent for her second marriage. You’re right – it wouldn’t be a marriage; it would be a later-in-life union of elevated souls or something.
Excuse me, but I need a moment to slip into the kitchen and brew myself an extra-large mug of Throat Coat to deal with the 3rd degree scream damage I sustained from reacting to this news with a decibel-shattering YAAAASSSSSSSSSSSS.
Typically whenever Hollywood announces that they’re going to reboot something (aka ruin it), I can’t roll my eyes fast enough or kick out enough chairs for Hollywood to take a seat, but not this time. Deadline says that Fox has confirmed that they’re bringing The X-Files back for a six-episode event, and that David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson will return as FBI Special Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. No word on whether their hot no-nonsense hunk of a boss Skinner will be back, but that’s sort of irrelevant, considering he’s still making appearances in my dreams.
Series creator Chris Carter will also be involved, and he says he considers the time since the The X-Files finale in 2002 and this upcoming 6-epsiode series as a “13-year commercial break.” The X-Files ran for 9 seasons and produced two feature films, one of which was good (sit down, The X-Files: I Want to Believe – I wasn’t talking about you).
I know they haven’t said anything else about casting, but I really hope they bring back Doug Hutchison as Eugene Tooms, if only so they have an excuse to write a part for his gorgeous living x-file of a wife Courtney Stodden.
PETA better sharpen their shank, because some other charity called Fishlove is copying their game by using naked celebrities to spread their cause or something. Fishlove is trying to raise awareness for overfishing and obviously when you want to raise awareness for overfishing you drape dead creatures of the sea around naked famous hos including Gillian Anderson. I really don’t know what’s going on here, but I do know that eel wants nothing to do with this scene.
Fishlove sounds like the name of some illegal ass, dark-sided fetish that’ll get you banned from every aquarium and will make your friends hide their goldfish when you come over. (Side note: Fishlove also sounds like the name for a group of fans who appreciate Joanna Krupa’s vagine.) This is like Japanese anime porn come to life.
Somebody get Misty Day to bring Jacques Cousteau back to life so that he can slap down all the hos involved in this mess. Actually, maybe that’s not such a good idea, because if he came back to life and saw this, he might get the weirdest boner.