The Met Gala isn’t a human and isn’t even alive, and yet, that bitch is still getting more action than me.
The theme for the Met’s costume exhibit is Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and Catholic Imagination, but the dress code for the Gala was “Sunday best.” Now, my Sunday best is a faded black Dollywood t-shirt and some Fruit of the Loom sweat shorts covered with chicharron crumbs, wine splatters and lube drops from snacking, boozing and watching porn on my couch. But I guess “Sunday best” to famous rich hos is a crown that weighs more than their head and all of the fabric found in the “Perfect For Granny’s Living Room Curtains” section at Hobby Lobby.
The woman you’re looking at on the Vogue Italia cover above is Gigi Hadid and not an artist’s rendering of an overtanned Donatella Versace. The only indicator that it’s Gigi are those vacant eyes. Everything else looks like a whole other person of a totally different race, and the internet has something to say about it.
Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik ended their two-year-long relationship last month, absolutely crushing the spirits of romantics who root for the love between an emotionless model and emotionless pop star. But it would appear Gigi and Zayn might have had second thoughts about throwing away those two years to the history books.
Two weeks ago, Zayn was seen leaving Gigi’s apartment in NYC in the same clothes he was wearing the night before. A few days later he was seen leaving her place again. TMZ says that on Sunday, Zayn and Gigi were spotted in NYC kissing in a way that would imply his visits to her apartment have involved more than just returning her toothbrush and phone charger.
Zayn and Gigi Hadid out in NYC! pic.twitter.com/jmTuYVhXDE
— Zayn Report (@ZRcandids) April 30, 2018
It would also appear that Zayn has shaved off all his hair, and has a giant tattoo on his head that looks kind of like it was copied from a page torn out of one of those adult coloring books. Zayn is about to get a lot of aunts clutching a pack of markers sitting close to him at the airport from now on.
When Gigi and Zayn first broke up, one of the things Gigi mentioned in her cheesy break-up statement released on Instagram was that when it comes to the future, “whatever’s meant to be will always be.” So a reconciliation wasn’t exactly out of the cards. The Daily Mail points out that Gigi has also been liking Zayn’s posts on social media. Well okay then, there you have it – that’s basically millennial courtroom proof that they’re definitely together again.
When I first saw Gigi Hadid years ago on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, I thought, “That’s a skinny blonde girl.” When I look at Gigi today, I think, “That’s a skinny blonde girl.” But I guess some people look at her and think, “Ummm, go eat a sandwich, you preying mantis! We miss your boobs and hiney!” Gigi is also in this camp and says she misses both her boobies and her booty, but something called Hashimoto’s Disease is to blame. Continue reading
In the Pussy Posse Den, Leonardo DiCatchAHo has told his bro-in-waiting Lukas Haas to check to see if newly single Gigi Hadid has reached old curdled hag age yet (read: 25 and over) and to also see if he’s ever dated her before. If not, order one of her from Victoria’s Secret STAT!
Zayn Malik and Gigi Hadid tweeted today that after two years together, they are done with looking at each other’s faces on a regular basis and have broken up. Zayn is 25 years old, Gigi is 22 years old, and they’re both rich, hot and famous, so 2 years is like 200 years in average-looking non-famous normal ho time. So they should congratulate themselves for beating the odds!
With the likes of Kaia Gerber and Lily Rose-Depp coming for their “it” nepotism models of the fashion world crown, Bella and Gigi Hadid have to pull out some shit to stay on top. So they pulled off their chonies, decided their coochies needed to have a kiki and brought some high fashion “incest is best” shit to British Vogue. The Kartrashian-Jenners are probably going to try to top this. The silica gel packets they call their brains are probably melting from them trying to figure out the logistics of how 5 sisters can do a naked 69 pose. Thanks a lot, Bella and Gigi!