Category: #getthattiarabitch
As Expected, The Royals Are Milking Every Last Drop Out Of Prince Hot Ginge And Meghan Markel’s Wedding
Believe it or not, I didn’t create that opulent commemorative mug (for your tears) so that I could shadily spell Meghan’s name wrong. But kudos to the bitter shady bitch who did (it was Pippa).
Usually, writing the words, “milking every last drop out of Prince Hot Ginge,” would make me tingle out of my sweatpants, but not this time. Back in the olden days, when those lesser royals (Prince TheBalderOne and Duchess WhoCaresSheAintMeghanMarkle) got engaged, they dragged out the wedding details longer than a Marvel movie marketing campaign. So of course, they’re going to do the same with Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle’s wedding. Yesterday, the Royal Family said that the wedding would happen sometime in the spring. Today, they announced that it will happen sometime in May 2018. Tomorrow, they will announce that it will happen on a weekday sometime in May 2018. On Thursday, they will announce that it will happen on a weekday during the second, third or fourth week of May 2018. Soap opera producers should hire the Royal Family PR team, because they can stretch out a story arc like no other.
In Lieu Of Flowers, Please Send Donations To My Prince Hot Ginge Real Doll GoFundMe Page
“Yes, bitch, I’m holding on to my future husband and your imaginary man while you’re holding on to nothing but everlasting loneliness and an undercooked bagel covered with cold low-fat cream cheese from Aldi.” – Meghan Markle in that picture, because she obviously knows I exist and knows that I’m trying to eat a bagel that I covered with cold low-fat cream cheese from Aldi before realizing it didn’t cook right. This Monday is already ass fucking me without lube.
Starting at the hour of It’s Too Fucking Early For Anything AM today, I started getting texts from people giving me their condolences. I thought that someone had died! Or worse, that In-N-Out had filed for bankruptcy and was closing down all locations immediately. But the only thing that died was my dream that Prince Hot Ginge would suddenly wake up gay (because yes, that’s how it happens) and decide that his perfect type is an old, bitchy, skinny fat blogger from America (the direct opposite of no fats, fems or Asians, basically). Prince Harry got engaged to Meghan Markle! You know the news is serious when I use PHG’s real name.