Category: #getmoremoneybitch

The Year Is 2016 And I’ve Written A Post About Kenny Chesney Being The Second Biggest Money-Maker In Music 

May 6, 2016 / Posted by:

It feels like I haven’t written about Kenny Chesney since the Renee Zellweger days when their 6-minute-long marriage ended in “fraud” and he blamed it on his “box” being too full at the time and not being able to handle all of the attention from the media. I don’t know if Kenny’s box is still full, but I do know that his bank accounts are overflowing with dollars the same way your panties are overflowing with twatty leche from looking at that picture of him in that hot sleeveless T.

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The Spice Girls (Sans Posh) Are Probably Going To Do Another Reunion Tour

March 25, 2016 / Posted by:

Seen above looking more natural and charismatic than usual, the Spice Girls are reportedly putting together a big tour to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the release of their first single “Wannabe.” Yes, it’s been 20 years since “Wannabe” came out. Yeah, so when you get your nursing home van service to swing by and pick me up for the show, make sure they leave enough room for my walker. Because I’m going to need something sturdy to hang onto when I shake my replaced hip and drop it as low as my knees can take me when the Spice Girls perform “Holler.” Life Alert better double their staff, because we’re all going to be hitting that button when we’ve twerked and can’t get up at the Spice Girls show.

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Oksana Grigorieva Is Back For Round Two And Wants More Child Support Money From Mel Gibson

March 19, 2016 / Posted by:

There is a magical place, one most people dream, but only a select few get to see, let alone be a part of. It is decadent, gold splashed everywhere, designer shopping bags filled with goodies and champagne that pours directly onto your breasts and into your glass. This magical place is the Gold Diggers Hall of Fame and every Hollywood tramp, I mean, Lady, dreams of having her picture up in it one day. However, there is a dark and sad place within its hallowed walls… the Room of Failure. This room is piled high with broken shovels and black and white photos with cracked glass of those that did not seal the deal, sell the story or simply fucked up. Queen of this sad place is Oksana Grigorieva, the baby mama of Mel Gibson.

Oksana is back in the news today because she’s hoping to limp out of the Room of Failure by asking for more, much more, in child support. Based on her past plays and scorecard, I’m not gonna hold out any hope or place my chips on her. She fucked up real bad, real big back in 2011 when she said “no” to Mel’s offer of $15 million. She made it out like she mostly said no because she wanted to rework the part of the deal involving him spending unsupervised time with their daughter, Lucia. We all strained to not spit up whatever we were drinking, including the judge. She ended up getting $750,000 over six years and Mel got even more daddy time with the kid. Since then it’s been blow after blow. She filed for bankruptcy in 2014 and was fined a shit ton the same year for talking about Mel when she wasn’t supposed to. I was pretty surprised back when this all happened because of Mel’s history with anti-semitism, sexism, alcohol and even admitting to hitting her. I thought his sugartits were done for but he’s the slime that keeps on sliming, I suppose.

Now TMZ is reporting that Oksana is heading back to court to try and up her $20,000 a month to $100,000. She’s claiming she needs the money to higher more security for their daughter, even though she has no proof that she’s at risk, as well as to support a certain lifestlye (travel, lodging, etc). Maybe this is her time? Maybe she’s been playing some slow burn game and this time the judge will be like, “my poor girl! What a travesty! I award you a million dollars a month forever and ever!” But I’m not counting on that. And neither should she. I’m just hoping that judge punishes Mel more harshly than whatever heartless creature judge they got before. What a monster!

Pic: Wenn

Chris Brown’s Daughter Has Asthma And His Baby Mama Says It’s All His Fault

February 1, 2016 / Posted by:

It’s nice to see that things between World’s Best Dad…mug owner Chris Brown and the mother of his daughter, Nia Guzman, are still a mess as usual. It all started yesterday when Nia announced that their almost two-year-old daughter Royalty has asthma and accused Chris of being the reason why. According to Nia, Chris Brown loves weed and cigarettes more than their kid, and he’s constantly exposing her to second-hand smoke. Nia says Royalty usually comes home from Daddy’s house smelling like Mary-Kate Olsen’s wedding reception, and she wants a judge to force Chris Brown to hire a nanny to take care of Royalty.

Of course, that’s not all Nia wants a judge to make happen. Nia also wants a judge to add a couple zeros to her monthly child support checks. Nia is currently getting $2500, but wants that changed to $16,000. This isn’t the first time Nia has come for Chris’ cash; back in July, Nia was trying to get $15,000 a month. Sadly, she was about as successful at getting money as Chris Brown is at not saying dumb shit, and that’s how she ended up at $2500 a month.

Speaking of Chris Brown saying dumb shit. Shortly after Nia accused him of fucking up Royalty’s lungs with second-hand smoke, TMZ says that Chris released a statement of his own on Instagram, which has since been yanked down. Chris side-eyed Nia’s claims that Royalty got asthma from his smoking. Chris says he quit smoking cigarettes on New Years, and that no one smokes around his daughter. According to Chris, Nia is just trying to stuff more money into her bank account. “Well DUH” said Nia’s shameless $16,000 a month child support request.

Chris says he stopped smoking cigarettes, but he failed to mention anything about not smoking weed. Although he doesn’t exactly have to. That busted Venus de Milo tattoo on his head is all the proof a judge needs that Chris Brown is in a committed long-term relationship with drugs.

Regardless of whether or not Chris Brown is the reason Royalty has asthma, one thing is obvious; Nia needs to work on her get money game. You’ve got to keep it simple, Nia! Forget about the asthma story – I’m sure a judge would have accepted the following: “Your honor, my child is exposed to Chris Brown. Can I have more money please?

Pic: Wenn.com

The Mighty O Made $12 Million From One Tweet About Her Love Of Bread

January 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Last October, Oprah reached into her cleavage and pulled out a measly $43.2 million to buy a 10% stake (around 6.4 million shares) in Weight Watchers. As part of the deal, she became the new face of Weight Watchers. As Oprah’s already obese bank accounts get fatter, she says that she’s getting skinnier thanks to WW.

If I was a multi-billionaire like The Mighty O, I’d just stay fat and spend my days watching the full cast of Showgirls perform the movie live and in front of me as my trophy husbands, Alexander Skarsgard and Idris Elba, fed me freshly made Double-Doubles from the In-N-Out in my basement. But Oprah claims she’s doing the WW program and yesterday she said in a tweet that she’s lost 26 pounds so far and she’s done it while eating bread every day. OPRAH. LOVES. BREAD.

I wasn’t really impressed by that tweet because I’m sure she instantly loses 26 pounds when she takes off her casual daytime diamonds before bedtime. But Oprah’s words are still so powerful that she can tweet about eating bread and make $12.5 million after doing so. Market Watch says that after that bread-loving tweet went up at 12:09pm EST, Weight Watchers’ stock jumped up to 20 percent over the course of one hour. The stock was at $11.35 a share before her tweet and it ended at $13.29 a share. The Mighty O made $12.5 million in one hour. Of course the stock is going to drop, so expect Oprah to bring it back up in a couple of days by tweeting about how she lost 27 pounds while eating cake. Two days after that, she’ll bring up the stock more by tweeting about how she lost 28 pounds while eating pizza. And after she runs out of food to tweet about, she’ll just post that bees GIF and I’m sure that’ll make the stock jump up 40%.

When Oprah tweets about her love of bread, she makes $12 million. When I tweet about my love of bread, my mom e-mails me a copy of the flat belly diet. Life, it isn’t fair.

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