Wonder Woman director Patty Jenkins and Gal Gadot probably spent their Monday morning drinking a crystal champagne flute full of the sparkling tears of the man children who cried and threw tantrum over the women’s only screening in Austin. Because in four days, Wonder Woman has made almost a quarter of a billion dollars worldwide. That number may seem impressive, but I’m shrugging at it. I mean, after seeing the prices for the IMAX 3D showings of Wonder Woman, I can tell you that $250,000 million would cover about 22 tickets and a small thing of popcorn.
I realize that during the Grammys earlier this year is that Beyonce, the queen of our time, placed a spell on all of us in the middle of her Offering to the Goddess performance when she gazed into the camera like “Love Me..Join Tidal… I COMMAND YOU!!” But that shit don’t work on me, because I don’t drink the damn lemonade. I prefer my ice to caress whiskey and honestly, I don’t even need the ice. So go hypnotize someone else, sistah!
Still, the spell worked on a few people (like Adele, who damn near somersaulted on stage to present Queen Bey with her Grammy on a bended knee). And director Jon Favreau is also ready to hand over stacks of cash for her to voice Nala in an upcoming live-action remake of The Lion King.
There it is, the more obvious headline I’ve ever written, because of course Sherri Shepherd’s grifty ex-husband Lamar Sally wants more child support money. That’s like saying a dog wants to sniff more dog butts.
The Year Is 2016 And I’ve Written A Post About Kenny Chesney Being The Second Biggest Money-Maker In Music
It feels like I haven’t written about Kenny Chesney since the Renee Zellweger days when their 6-minute-long marriage ended in “fraud” and he blamed it on his “box” being too full at the time and not being able to handle all of the attention from the media. I don’t know if Kenny’s box is still full, but I do know that his bank accounts are overflowing with dollars the same way your panties are overflowing with twatty leche from looking at that picture of him in that hot sleeveless T.
Seen above looking more natural and charismatic than usual, the Spice Girls are reportedly putting together a big tour to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the release of their first single “Wannabe.” Yes, it’s been 20 years since “Wannabe” came out. Yeah, so when you get your nursing home van service to swing by and pick me up for the show, make sure they leave enough room for my walker. Because I’m going to need something sturdy to hang onto when I shake my replaced hip and drop it as low as my knees can take me when the Spice Girls perform “Holler.” Life Alert better double their staff, because we’re all going to be hitting that button when we’ve twerked and can’t get up at the Spice Girls show.
There is a magical place, one most people dream, but only a select few get to see, let alone be a part of. It is decadent, gold splashed everywhere, designer shopping bags filled with goodies and champagne that pours directly onto your breasts and into your glass. This magical place is the Gold Diggers Hall of Fame and every Hollywood tramp, I mean, Lady, dreams of having her picture up in it one day. However, there is a dark and sad place within its hallowed walls… the Room of Failure. This room is piled high with broken shovels and black and white photos with cracked glass of those that did not seal the deal, sell the story or simply fucked up. Queen of this sad place is Oksana Grigorieva, the baby mama of Mel Gibson.
Oksana is back in the news today because she’s hoping to limp out of the Room of Failure by asking for more, much more, in child support. Based on her past plays and scorecard, I’m not gonna hold out any hope or place my chips on her. She fucked up real bad, real big back in 2011 when she said “no” to Mel’s offer of $15 million. She made it out like she mostly said no because she wanted to rework the part of the deal involving him spending unsupervised time with their daughter, Lucia. We all strained to not spit up whatever we were drinking, including the judge. She ended up getting $750,000 over six years and Mel got even more daddy time with the kid. Since then it’s been blow after blow. She filed for bankruptcy in 2014 and was fined a shit ton the same year for talking about Mel when she wasn’t supposed to. I was pretty surprised back when this all happened because of Mel’s history with anti-semitism, sexism, alcohol and even admitting to hitting her. I thought his sugartits were done for but he’s the slime that keeps on sliming, I suppose.
Now TMZ is reporting that Oksana is heading back to court to try and up her $20,000 a month to $100,000. She’s claiming she needs the money to higher more security for their daughter, even though she has no proof that she’s at risk, as well as to support a certain lifestlye (travel, lodging, etc). Maybe this is her time? Maybe she’s been playing some slow burn game and this time the judge will be like, “my poor girl! What a travesty! I award you a million dollars a month forever and ever!” But I’m not counting on that. And neither should she. I’m just hoping that judge punishes Mel more harshly than whatever heartless creature judge they got before. What a monster!