On the spectrum of T.J. Miller is a Mess scale of trainwreck measurement, this story about T.J. Miller probably falls at the absolute lowest end of the spectrum. And that’s got me all kinds of confused. Because if T.J. Miller isn’t acting like an extra-crispy entitled egomaniac, then is it even a T.J. Miller story? But here we are with a T.J. Miller story filled with minimal drama.
In December 2016, T.J. Miller got into a fight with an Uber driver named Wilson Deon Thomas III over newly-elected Trump. The fight turned physical between the two upon arriving at T.J.’s home after he allegedly slapped the driver in the head. The driver pulled a citizen’s arrest on T.J., and he was later arrested by the cops. TMZ says that while T.J. dodged criminal charges, he still faced a civil suit from Wilson. T.J. and Wilson reached a settlement last Thursday. TMZ says it’s not known what kind of settlement was reached, but they think T.J. paid Wilson enough money to keep the case from going to court.
Also, Wilson had claimed T.J. was high on whippits at the time of the attack. TMZ has some pictures taken by Wilson of the backseat of his vehicle, one of which shows a plastic bag filled with whippits boxes, while another features multiple nitrous canisters on the floor. I thought nitrous was supposed to make you giggly and jovial? Whatever T.J. was huffing clearly made him angry and punchy. I guess when you huff enough nitrous to power one of those aggressively macho cars from The Fast and the Furious movies, you’re able to turn into one.
Vital Vegas claimed yesterday that MGM Resorts has signed Lady Gaga to a $100 million, 50-show residency at the Monte Carlo. They probably aren’t right about the $100 million part, but they were right about her residency, because she announced it today.. Congratulations, Gaga – you got to do something before Madonna did.
Forbes reports that leggy, pouty thing Kendall Jenner is 2017’s highest-paid model. And in juuuuuuust the right level of knife twist, they add that it’s the first time since 2002 that the crown has not been worn by Gisele Bundchen. Meow! Kendall hauled in $22 million over the last year, which I’m sure makes Kris Jenner elated, since her Madam ass takes 40%. Kidding, she gets the family discount (39%).
Katy Perry is getting so close to owning the Los Feliz convent she’s been trying to purchase for more than two years. Katy wants to live in the Sisters of the Immaculate Heart of Mary convent, damn it! The only problem is, the nuns who own it really don’t want the new owner of their house to be a wicked jezebel like Katy. So sisters Rita Callanan and Catherine Rose Holzman sold their convent to a restauranteur named Dana Hollister.
Unfortunately, the nuns never cleared the sale with the Los Angeles Archbishop Jose H. Gomez. So a judge voided the sale and ruled that Katy could buy the convent. Point for Katy. According to Australia’s ABC News, a judge has recently ruled that Dana Hollister should pay Katy $1.57 million for interfering with Katy’s sale. Points for Katy’s bank account!
In June of 2015, a 59-year-old army veteran named Henry Walker decided to buy a watermelon at his local Walmart store in Phenix City, Alabama. Once inside, his watermelon buying experience was anything but smiley faces. It turned into a nightmare! But unlike 98% of terrible nightmarish Walmart shopping trips, this was a legitimate horror show.
Everyone panicked last month when it was announced that HGTV was about to drop its Waco rudder. Chip and Joanna Gaines said they were packing the shiplap into a U-Haul and driving off into the sunset to “catch our breath” at whatever goody-goody camp those two preach at in the off-season. But it appears that breath will be more than caught if someone comes along promising to add a few zeros to the Gaines’ joint checking account. Continue reading