Category: Get Money

Kendall Jenner Just Snatched Gisele’s Money-Making Crown

November 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Forbes reports that leggy, pouty thing Kendall Jenner is 2017’s highest-paid model. And in juuuuuuust the right level of knife twist, they add that it’s the first time since 2002 that the crown has not been worn by Gisele Bundchen. Meow! Kendall hauled in $22 million over the last year, which I’m sure makes Kris Jenner elated, since her Madam ass takes 40%. Kidding, she gets the family discount (39%).

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Katy Perry Has Been Awarded $1.57 Million In Her Convent Fight With The Nuns

November 21, 2017 / Posted by:

Katy Perry is getting so close to owning the Los Feliz convent she’s been trying to purchase for more than two years. Katy wants to live in the Sisters of the Immaculate Heart of Mary convent, damn it! The only problem is, the nuns who own it really don’t want the new owner of their house to be a wicked jezebel like Katy. So sisters Rita Callanan and Catherine Rose Holzman sold their convent to a restauranteur named Dana Hollister.

Unfortunately, the nuns never cleared the sale with the Los Angeles Archbishop Jose H. Gomez. So a judge voided the sale and ruled that Katy could buy the convent. Point for Katy. According to Australia’s ABC News, a judge has recently ruled that Dana Hollister should pay Katy $1.57 million for interfering with Katy’s sale. Points for Katy’s bank account!

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Walmart Will Have To Pay $7.5 Million To A Man Who Injured Himself While Trying To Buy A Watermelon

November 13, 2017 / Posted by:

In June of 2015, a 59-year-old army veteran named Henry Walker decided to buy a watermelon at his local Walmart store in Phenix City, Alabama. Once inside, his watermelon buying experience was anything but smiley faces. It turned into a nightmare! But unlike 98% of terrible nightmarish Walmart shopping trips, this was a legitimate horror show.

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Chip And Joanna Gaines Allegedly Left HGTV For More Shiplap Cash

October 10, 2017 / Posted by:

Everyone panicked last month when it was announced that HGTV was about to drop its Waco rudder. Chip and Joanna Gaines said they were packing the shiplap into a U-Haul and driving off into the sunset to “catch our breath” at whatever goody-goody camp those two preach at in the off-season. But it appears that breath will be more than caught if someone comes along promising to add a few zeros to the Gaines’ joint checking account. Continue reading

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Jim Parsons Is The Richest Man On TV

October 3, 2017 / Posted by:

Sofia Vergara is still the richest bitch overall in TV, even after the penis version of Forbes’ World’s Highest Paid TV Actors list came out. Big Bang Theory’s Jim Parsons was named the richest man in TV, but he was still $14 million short of Sofia’s total earnings. Still, I suspect the $27.5 million dollars Jim banked last year will go a long way towards easing the sting poverty.

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