Liev Schreiber and Gerard Butler are both famous dudes with brown hair in their late 40s who are famous for playing tough macho types that either yell or talk in a low whisper. It sounds like they can add something else to the list of things they have in common. On Wednesday, Liev was spotted strolling around Los Angeles with his arm around Gerard Butler’s on-again/off-again girlfriend Morgan Brown.
The NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Daytona 500, Central East Florida’s second-classiest annual event (the first being Daytona Beach Bike Week, obviously), happened this weekend. Thanks to Page Six, I learned that there’s always a grand marshal at the Daytona 500. I’m sure they would have loved to get someone who truly embodies the spirit of Daytona Beach, but sadly The Gronk was out of town. Instead, they got Gerard Butler. And shock of all shocks, one of the first things Grand Marshal Butler did was hit on someone.
A source tells Page Six that Horny Gerry was seen working his sexy Scottish game on 22-year-old model Charlotte McKinney (on the left). If that name isn’t ringing a bell, you might know her as Michael calls her: the big-tittied blond model who isn’t Kate Upton. Now, as of December, Charlotte was dating Stephen Dorff. But that didn’t stop Gerard from trying to get her number. Gerard’s boner knows no loyalty!
No word on whether or not he got her number. Since it’s Gerard Butler we’re talking about, it’s safe to assume he probably ended up passed out ass-naked in his hotel room next to someone.
However, that picture of Charlotte in her extremely tasteful white formal romper (too tasteful for a NASCAR event if you ask me) sitting with John Cena and Gerard gives us all the clues we need. The answer to the question “Did Gerard get her number?” is…of course he didn’t! And it’s pretty obvious why. If you’re going to scribble your digits on anyone’s palm, it’s going to belong to that dreamy jorts-wearing bundle of muscles John Cena.
UsWeekly says that after humping their way through 98% of the humans on Earth (I’m not good with math, so that number could actually be closer to 99%), Rita Ora and Gerard Butler humped on each other last month at a Hollywood hotel.
A source claims Gerard and Rita’s hookup began with “intimate dinner” together at the hotel’s restaurant before they took it upstairs. One person claims they “drank wine“, and that Rita gave Gerard a hug when he came back to their table after a break. Another person claims they heard Gerard’s penis whisper “Well, that’s it – that’s all the vaginas” before pulling out a tiny penis-sized typewriter and typing up its retirement speech.
Now, before you start getting forever fantasies about these two and daydreaming about how classy Rita Ora’s wedding would be, Gossip Cop is calling bullshit on UsWeekly’s story. They say that Gerard never rita’d her ora, and that there’s “no truth” to it all.
Who to believe, who to believe. On the one hand, it’s Gerard Butler, so even if he didn’t have sex with Rita Ora, he had sex with someone in that restaurant that night. On the other hand, who feels like fucking right after filling their gut with food and wine? They probably just went upstairs and shared a bottle of Pepto while Gerard asked her questions about her new album Anti.
If you’re still undecided, it might help to take a magnifying glass to these pictures of Gerard Butler at a Hugo Boss event in Spain earlier today and see if you can spot any of Rita Ora’s stray weave hairs stuck to his suit.
Last week, I posted pictures of Chuck Bass working the kind of Euro hustler ensemble that Adrien Brody would work the hell out of, and as soon as I hit the publish button, I was filled with a cheap, dirty feeling of regret (and usually I’m sooooo into feeling like that). How dare I betray the seesaw brow’d smooth one by drooling over pictures of the Great Value version of him. I will never make that mistake again and I really don’t deserve these pictures of the raven-haired Roger Klotz spreading his sexiness and beauty at the TIFF premiere of his movie Septembers of Shiraz. But I’ll take them, cherish them and save them directly to the fap folder on my desktop.
Here’s more pictures of Adrien, Adrien’s hot ponytail, his co-star Salma Hayek and the movie’s producer and Hollywood’s #1 supplier of Scottish dick cheese Gerard Butler.
I can’t decide if John Stamos’ belly button looks like a mushroom-headed dick poking out of his stomach or a skin-colored clown nose or the button nose of a bearded old man with no eyes? Well, whatever it looks like, I’d still lube it up with Dannon Oikos yogurt and hit it.
On Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night, he presented the 8th edition of the segment where famous types read mean tweets written by either Jimmy Kimmel’s writing team or actual Twatterers. This one gave us Lela Durham (copyright: Valerie Cherish) and her dog tits, John Stamos’ bubble belly button, Lisa Kudrow (who gets an A+++ in reacting), crack head Jon Hamm, raper-faced Scott Foley, Bob Newhart, Ted Danson and his majestic silver cliff of hair and Brit Brit who wore a turkey oven bag and looked like she laughed to keep from melting into a puddle of tears and Frapps. Most of these are good, but out of the billions of mean tweets about Goopy Paltrow, that’s the one they chose?!
Big Bird should’ve read that first one, because nothing is meaner than being compared to Goopy.
I was going to start my Monday by posting about American Apparel’s “Period Power” t-shirt (which if you buy, I’m judging the FUCK out of you, but you can tell everybody it’s an artistic interpretation of Kanye talking about Kanye), but I decided to save my thoughts about that mess for when Miley Cyrus eventually wears it with matching a “Yeast Infection Power” backwards thong. So I’m starting my Monday with the next best thing: Gerard Butler squatting out an imaginary shit on the streets of NYC.
The paps says that the CDC’s most wanted of 2007 and beyond was riding around with his friend when he decided to stop and pose like he’s butt squirting out his last 4 movies. Gerard’s friend took the picture, they looked at it together and mouth shat out a dozen laughs, because they thought of the old days when Gerard would regularly caca on the NYC sidewalk after a drunken night out. If you’ve lived in NYC, you’ve probably stepped in dog shit at least once and you’ve definitely stepped in Gerard Butler shit more than once. What New Yorker hasn’t walked down the street, run into a pile of human poop and pointed at it while saying, “The Butler did it!”
And when I opened up Photoshop to crop these pictures, a pop-up window asked me, “Would you like me to open up extremeconedildo.bmp as well?” It knows me too well and it knows that a extremeconedildo.bmp belongs under Gerry’s butt in that picture.