Oh how I missed pictures of George Clooney looking like he’s prairie dogging something major, as Amal Clooney doesn’t notice or care since she’s too busy loving the paps and delivering massive amounts of face, glamour, face, exquisite eyebrows and face to their cameras. I really hope that George kept his moaning about having to shit to a minimum so that Amal could focus on bringing the glamour since one of them has to.
Tonight in Paris, Amal Clooney dressed up her double dome of babies in Atelier Versace to escort her husband to the César Awards (the French Oscars to us Americans). George was there to receive an honorary César for his career, or whatever. Since the French really have an eye for art, I’m going to guess that the career montage that played before Clooney’s speech only contained clips from The Facts of Life, The Golden Girls, Roseanne, Sisters and maybe Out of Sight and Ocean’s Eleven. Who cares about his other crap!
As for Amal’s ensemble, I’m torn. On one hand, she’s dressed like my favorite character from Beauty and the Beast: the feather duster. On the other hand, she’s wearing cream with white and mixing what looks like faux fur with feathers. That’s a major no. The only time I’m kind of okay with seeing fake fur and feathers together is when I’m in the pillow section of a Z Gallerie.
George Clooney is about to go from a no-cares guy in his 50’s to a 55-year-old father to twin babies, and there’s a lot of prep work that needs to be done before that happens. George will need to switch out his crystal tequila glasses for some sturdy plastic cups. He might need to retrofit his favorite motorcycle with a custom-made two-baby sidecar, or – gasp! – trade it in for a double-wide stroller situation. I don’t know if George has checked any of that off his list, but one change he’s making is to the places he and Amal Clooney have graced their presence with in the past.
George and Amal Clooney are still LARPing as our generation’s JFK and Jackie. And that means the clock has started on the non-stop baby news. As we know, Amal is pregnant with twins (which is SO in right now). George’s friend Matt Damon is starting to do press for The Great Wall just as the news of the Clooney twins broke. Matt told Entertainment Tonight Canada that he knew about the twins waaaaay before everyone else did, and he almost cried. Probably because he knew the end of the world is upon us now we’ve seen the final sign of the apocalypse (aka the news that George Clooney is going be a father).
And in the bathroom at People magazine’s offices, a bunch of editors and publicists are all sitting on the floor and sharing a giant bowl of uncooked cookie dough while silently weeping over the fact that George and Amal Clooney have completely rejected them and gave the news of their unborn twins to somebody else. I am 2,700 miles away from People’s headquarters, but if I listen closely, I can hear the song All By Myself blaring from their office speakers. Scooped by The Fucking Talk!
Last month, a Lebanese newspaper reported that family sources told them that growing in Amal’s womb are a double set of Clooneys. They got it right and on today’s episode of The Talk, Julie Chen confirmed it. All of us should make sure that our end-of-the-world bunkers are fully stocked with the three essential Ps (porn, Pinot and pork rinds), because 55-year-old George Clooney is going to be a father to twins. 39-year-old Amal is due this June.
— The Talk (@TheTalkCBS) February 9, 2017
Beyonce is having twins. Madonna adopted twins. Pharrell Williams’ wife gave birth to triplets. Multiples are so NOW. There must be something in the water (and that something may be IVF.) Every hospital nursery in the Calabasas area better go on high alert. Because Pimp Mama Kris may try to outdo everyone and will troll nurseries for four newborns who can fit up into one of her hos.
And here’s pictures from late last month of Amal throwing a “Get ready for bump watch, bitches” look at the paparazzi while leaving LAX.
Ever since George Clooney surprised the world by getting married again, it feels like there have been plenty of “reports” and “sources” claiming that Amal Clooney is either pregnant or trying to get pregnant or looking at babies . Well, the rumor might finally be true, because some people are saying that Amal is carrying George’s spawn.
The shady paycheck-analyzing bitches at Forbes have released their annual “Actors with too many undeserved dollars in their wallet” list (aka Hollywood’s Most Overpaid Actors of 2016). For the second year in a row, Johnny Depp has topped the list.
Forbes figured out the most overpaid actors like this:
Our rundown of Hollywood’s Most Overpaid Actors looked at the last three films each actor starred in before June 2016, save animated films, movies where the actor appeared in an insignificant role, or movies that were released on fewer than 2,000 screens.We then deducted the estimated production budget from the global box office for each film according to Box Office Mojo to come up with a limited definition of each movie’s operating income. We took the total operating income from the star’s three most recent significant films then divided by the star’s estimated pay for those films to come up with a final return on investment number.
Math isn’t my strongest brain function, so I’m taking Forbes’ word for it.