George and Amal Clooney are still LARPing as our generation’s JFK and Jackie. And that means the clock has started on the non-stop baby news. As we know, Amal is pregnant with twins (which is SO in right now). George’s friend Matt Damon is starting to do press for The Great Wall just as the news of the Clooney twins broke. Matt told Entertainment Tonight Canada that he knew about the twins waaaaay before everyone else did, and he almost cried. Probably because he knew the end of the world is upon us now we’ve seen the final sign of the apocalypse (aka the news that George Clooney is going be a father).
And in the bathroom at People magazine’s offices, a bunch of editors and publicists are all sitting on the floor and sharing a giant bowl of uncooked cookie dough while silently weeping over the fact that George and Amal Clooney have completely rejected them and gave the news of their unborn twins to somebody else. I am 2,700 miles away from People’s headquarters, but if I listen closely, I can hear the song All By Myself blaring from their office speakers. Scooped by The Fucking Talk!
Last month, a Lebanese newspaper reported that family sources told them that growing in Amal’s womb are a double set of Clooneys. They got it right and on today’s episode of The Talk, Julie Chen confirmed it. All of us should make sure that our end-of-the-world bunkers are fully stocked with the three essential Ps (porn, Pinot and pork rinds), because 55-year-old George Clooney is going to be a father to twins. 39-year-old Amal is due this June.
— The Talk (@TheTalkCBS) February 9, 2017
Beyonce is having twins. Madonna adopted twins. Pharrell Williams’ wife gave birth to triplets. Multiples are so NOW. There must be something in the water (and that something may be IVF.) Every hospital nursery in the Calabasas area better go on high alert. Because Pimp Mama Kris may try to outdo everyone and will troll nurseries for four newborns who can fit up into one of her hos.
And here’s pictures from late last month of Amal throwing a “Get ready for bump watch, bitches” look at the paparazzi while leaving LAX.
Ever since George Clooney surprised the world by getting married again, it feels like there have been plenty of “reports” and “sources” claiming that Amal Clooney is either pregnant or trying to get pregnant or looking at babies . Well, the rumor might finally be true, because some people are saying that Amal is carrying George’s spawn.
The shady paycheck-analyzing bitches at Forbes have released their annual “Actors with too many undeserved dollars in their wallet” list (aka Hollywood’s Most Overpaid Actors of 2016). For the second year in a row, Johnny Depp has topped the list.
Forbes figured out the most overpaid actors like this:
Our rundown of Hollywood’s Most Overpaid Actors looked at the last three films each actor starred in before June 2016, save animated films, movies where the actor appeared in an insignificant role, or movies that were released on fewer than 2,000 screens.We then deducted the estimated production budget from the global box office for each film according to Box Office Mojo to come up with a limited definition of each movie’s operating income. We took the total operating income from the star’s three most recent significant films then divided by the star’s estimated pay for those films to come up with a final return on investment number.
Math isn’t my strongest brain function, so I’m taking Forbes’ word for it.
Woe is Millie Clooney. The one day her humans decided to trot her out in front of the paps is the one day Amal Clooney decides to dress up like a rejected That ’70s Show extra. Millie Clooney is making the face that every little kid makes when they’re hanging out with their friends in front of the school and their mom pulls up in a dirty, bird-shit covered car with curlers in her hair and blasting some busted song. They think to themselves, “I hope she doesn’t see me, I hope she doesn’t see me, I hope she does- Oh shit, she just screamed my name.”
Yes, I know that Bassett Hounds just naturally make that face, but I’d like to believe that Millie is extra embarrassed by Amal looking like she’s about to break out into I Think I Love You at any second.
George Clooney is currently directing Suburbicon in Los Angeles, and yesterday, Amal visited the set with their newest dog child Millie Clooney. This is probably going to be the last time that Amal Clooney brings Millie around the paps, because Millie easily stole the show and used her eyes to throw hate at those ugly jeans.
And really, Millie is living the life. She gets all the free tequila she wants and she doesn’t have to strain her legs by walking up stairs since she’s got a human slave named George Clooney to carry her up. I need Millie Clooney to teach me her ways.
George Clooney and his BFF Rande Gerber are the kind of best friends that make tequila together and live right next door to each other in Mexico. Sadly, they recently sold their twin villas in Cabo, which means George and Rande have to pack up their private telephone line, aka the tin cans attached to 30ft of string that Amal Clooney was nice enough to help them make. The good news is they’ll have a new place for them. Page Six says that both George and Rande recently purchased fancy condos in the same building in NYC.