George Lucas is reminding us he’s rich as hell and doesn’t have time to pander to his fans or his critics, because he has named Jar Jar Binks THAT BITCH and his favorite character in one of his favorite movies of all time. Welcome to the newest Star Wars movie called Rise Of The Troll starring George Lucas and only George Lucas. Oh, Jar Jar too, of course.
There’s rich, and then there’s Yoda rich. It’s that time of year again when Forbes pokes the hornet’s nest in Hollywood and drops who has the most zeroes in their checking account. Everyone in the top 10 must be pissed because all of them now have a target on their backs for the next time Lindsay Lohan needs bail money. People may not have liked the latest Star Wars movie, but George Lucas DGAF. That Disney check cleared, and his ass can pave his driveway with cash. The rest of the top 10 is kind of expected with the exception of Kris Jenner’s “self-made” daughter, Kylie Jenner, being a new presence. Barf.
If you’re sick and tired of hearing the overused screams of “YASSSSS QUEEN” then do yourself a favor and skip this post because the the purple carpet at the Black Panther premiere last night was shouting it from the mountain top! Every little phrase we’ve stolen from drag culture is appropriate here. I am gagged and my wig is snatched. Yes, they all did jump from there.
Sorry, I should have been more clear; he came for the Disney corporation, not Walt Disney himself. Although the mental image of George Lucas cussing out the ghost of Walt Disney in a parking lot while Mickey Mouse shouts “Get him, Walt! Whoop his ass!” from the hood of a car isn’t the worst thing my brain has thought up today.
George Lucas’ interview with Charlie Rose happened on the 25th, but since we all spent Christmas day in a turkey coma (we = me, and anyone else who mainlines gravy), we’re not getting to it until today. However, I think you’ll consider it was worth the wait in the event you really wanted to kiss goodbye to 2015 with a story about a jowly old billionaire reading Disney to filth.
Since I’m pretty sure there’s a journalism law that says you can’t interview The Father of Star Wars without asking him about the newest Star Wars movie, Charlie Rose brought up Star Wars: The Force Awakens. And guess what? George didn’t like it. According to George, Star Wars: The Force Awakens was a “retro movie” and a cash-grab that pandered to the fans. George says that if George was still in charge, his idea for Star Wars: The Force Awakens would have been to make it “completely different, with different planets, with different spaceships, make it new.” But George couldn’t do that because George sold the Star Wars franchise to the house of mouse back in 2012 for $4 billion. Although as you’ll hear around the 2:00 mark, he uses a completely different nickname for them.
“The white slavers“? Oh boy. Somewhere on Naboo, George’s best pal Jar Jar Binks is like “Err…meesa don’t know him.”
You can watch all 55 minutes of Salty George’s interview here. Or if you’d rather be the one saying “This is such a crappy cash-grab” for 55 minutes, skip George’s interview and watch the first 55 minutes of the Star Wars holiday special instead.