Category: Genius Decisions
Taylor Swift And Matty Healy Took Their Love To NYC
Last week, The Sun burped up a rumor that Taylor Swift moved on from Joe Alwyn to The 1975’s frontmess Matty Healy. Now, Taylor getting with a skinny white Brit is barely shrug-worthy news. But turns out that TayTay’s current rebound piece is bad for her brand because he’s a certified edgelord who has pulled anti-Semitic shit, said racist crap, etc… etc… The Swifties have been in denial over this union, but sadly for them, their queen really is getting on Violet Chachki’s long-lost-and-stay-lost racist evil twin. The two had themselves a date night at the completely low-key Casa Cipriani (which is Italian for LOOK AT US) in NYC yesterday. And suddenly, Tom Hiddleston and his I Heart TS tank top are breathing sighs of relief because they’re no longer the most embarrassing part of TayTay’s dating life.
Open Post: Hosted By The Tropicana Orange Juice Spray Bottle For Mimosas
When it comes to classy morning drinking, you usually get two options: Bloody Mary or mimosa. And since the former recounts childhood nostalgia of a random woman appearing in your mirror to murder you after you’ve said her name ten times, I defer to the mimosa. However, sometimes people use too much orange juice, which does little justice to the cocktail. So OJ OG’s Tropicana has come up with a PR gimmick, I mean, a solution for those who don’t like their mimosas ruined by orange juice overload. They are hawking a bottle of orange juice adorned with a spray top so you can add as much, or as little, as you want for the perfect boozy brunch-time beverage.
The Jaguar Who Attacked That Selfie-Taking Mess Isn’t Going To Get Into Trouble
Now, I’ve been guilty of making terrible life-ruining mistakes like eating Taco Bell before a hook-up and agreeing to drive a friend to the airport on a Monday morning. But even the deflated mound of wet dumb in my head knows that it’s probably not a good idea to ignore a barrier at a zoo to get a selfie with a jaguar unless I really want my obit to read: This dum dum died from being stupid. Although, my obit is probably going to say that anyway. But one woman at a zoo could’ve gotten sent to Jesus via a jaguar’s claw when she ignored a barrier to get a selfie with the big pussy.
Nicki Minaj’s New Boyfriend Got Her Name Tattooed Across His Neck
Attention all tattoo artists, laser tattoo removalists and bookies in the Greater New York area, this post is a PSA expressly for you! Nicki Minaj‘s new boyfriend of a few minutes, registered sex offender Kenneth Perry, may be seeking your services within the year to either cover up or remove the gigantic tattoo of Nicki’s name he just had emblazoned across his neck. I’ve got my $50 on laser removal within the next eight months. Place your bets!
Okay, So Nicki Minaj Didn’t Meet Her Registered Sex Offender Boo While Handing Out Free Turkeys For Thanksgiving
On Twitter, a rumor sprouted that Nicki Minaj met her latest man Kenneth Petty, who went to prison for attempted rape and shooting a man, while handing out free turkeys in Queens. But TMZ claims that while Nicki may currently be serving Kenny Petty some BPA-filled plastic turkey (read: her ass), she’s never given him a free turkey. They apparently first got together 20 years ago when Nicki was 16 and he was 20. That means Nicki started farting up hearts for him right after he got out of prison after serving a 4 year sentence for pulling a knife on a 16-year-old girl and trying to rape her. It’s nice to know that Nicki has always had impeccable taste in men.
Awww, What A Lovely Picture Of Nicki Minaj And Her Convicted Sex Offender Boyfriend (UPDATE)
Scrolling through Nicki Minaj’s contacts on her phone must be a lot like scrolling through the sex offender registry list (and good news for her is that if her contacts ever get deleted for some reason, she can look to the sex offender registry list to find her friend). Because Nicki worked with and supported a pedophile, she supported her brother who was found guilty of child rape, and now she’s getting on a convicted sex offender who also went to prison for killing a man. Who knew that Nick Minaj is the Mama June of hip-hop?