Category: Gene Simmons

The Police Searched Gene Simmons’ House For Child Porn (But Gene Isn’t A Suspect)

August 21, 2015 / Posted by:

The New York Post can go ahead and throw away their planned front page headline, “I Wanna Rock And Roll All Night And Touch Kids Every Day,” because yes, Gene Simmons’ house was searched by the cops for child porn, but he’s not the one who downloaded it.

TMZ says that yesterday, Gene Simmons’ house in L.A. was raided by detectives from an LAPD task force who were looking for evidence in a child porn investigation. Someone used one of the family’s computers or the home’s Internet access to download that dark-sided illegal shit last year. Sources tell TMZ that Gene was on tour at the time the alleged downloading went down, so he’s not a suspect and neither are any of his family members. (Side question: Did Subway Jared ever rent Gene’s house on Airbnb?) Gene’s rep said in a statement that he and his family are cooperating with the investigation and aren’t allowed to talk about it:

“Members of the Los Angeles Police Department visited Mr. And Mrs. Simmons at their home to discuss a crime that may have occurred on their property last year while Mr. Simmons was away on tour with KISS. Neither Mr. Simmons nor any member of his family is a person of interest in the investigation and they are cooperating fully with the investigation.”

Gene’s wife, the Queen of Skinemax Shannon Tweed, let everyone know on Twitter that no one in her family is a friend of PedoBear:

“Thanks for your support. We couldn’t be more horrified that someone used our residence for such heinous crimes. Law enforcement is on it. Goodnight and don’t forget to change your passwords!!”

This is why I always throw a trick a look of suspicion when they ask me for my WiFi password. I guard that password with my life and who knows what kind of disgusting shit they’re going to taint my Internet access with. They may stream an episode of Keeping Up with the Kuntrashians or download a Pitbull song. I want no part of that!

And this story is terrible, but Gene commits a heinous crime in his own residence every time he styles his mane like a King Tut headpiece of pubes.

Here’s Gene and his family at a benefit for Mending Kids (NO COMMENT) in L.A. a few days ago.

Pics: Splash

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Gene Simmons Apologizes For Telling Depressed People To Kill Themselves

August 17, 2014 / Posted by:

Why? Why? Why did I have to find out on the Lord’s Day that when Gene Simmons frowns, his cheeks look like saggy grandma tits? I could’ve handled it if I found out on a Monday. And now I’m depressed.

Back in July, notorious butt dingle Gene Simmons told SongFacts.com that he really has no sympathy for depressed people and drug addicts. The interview went unnoticed when it first came out, but after Robin Williams’ suicide, it made its way around the Internet. Gene was asked if he gets along with the original members of Kiss and he said that he doesn’t, because he doesn’t get along with drug addicts and anyone who “has a dark cloud over their head and sees themselves as a victim.”

Gene said that if you want to know real pain and suffering, talk to his mother, because she was in a concentration camp during the Holocaust. So unless the Nazis are beating you while holding you against your will in a concentration camp, you have no right to see the world as a shitty place. Oh Gene, the world was a shitty place then, it can be a shitty place now and it’s an even shittier place when you open up your crusty diarrhea slit of a mouth and speak words.

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Breaking: Liberty Ross Went Outside Last Night

August 23, 2012 / Posted by:

I haven’t been keeping an Excel spreadsheet of every Liberty Ross sighting like I should have, but The Daily Mail says that she made her first red carpet appearance since her husband Rupert Sanders got caught having fully clothed butt sex with Kristen Stewart. Hollywood Life points out that Liberty isn’t wearing her wedding ring (because she melted it down and had it molded into a trampire-killing stake) and they also say that she’s really putting on a BRAVE FACE! Okay, what is the difference between a brave face and an “I’m just here for the photo-op and open bar” face, because I’m pretty sure she’s making the latter. Maybe Brave Face is the name of the color of the Bonne Bell foundation she’s wearing?

Liberty Ross really missed an opportunity to come out hard. Bitch should’ve worn a “Kristen Stewart is a Trampire” half shirt and crotchless white panties with “take me back” texts from Rupert printed on them. Liberty’s probably saving that outfit to wear to the next Twatlight premiere. But I’m sure a fashion psychologist will still tell Hollywood Life that Liberty wore green to secretly call Kristen Stewart a jealous whore, wore leggings to show KStew the crotch that Rupert really wants and wore ugly ass boots, because she just has bad taste in boots.

Here’s a few more pictures of Liberty at last night’s L.A. premiere of Lawless. I also threw in a few pictures of some panty creamers I hope she humped on against a Mini Cooper in the parking lot. In order: Nick Cave, King Tut Simmons with his hot son Nick and Felicia Jollygoodfellow.

The General Mills Lawn Protester Has Died

August 15, 2012 / Posted by:

The 65-year-old father of four who entertained millions by flaming out on the front lawn of the General Mills headquarters during an anti-gay protest died in his car this past weekend. Michael L. Leisner of Andover, Minnesota became an overnight breakout star on the anti-gay protester circuit when his son uploaded a video of him almost leaving the lawn of the GM headquarters in flames after burning a box of Honey Nut Cheerios to protest the company’s support of same-sex marriage. The video went viral and ended up everywhere from The Daily Show to Chelsea Lately.

The Star Tribune says that Michael Leisner drove his sons to tennis practice on Saturday afternoon and while waiting in the car for them, he suddenly died. The senior pastor of the Christian Center Michael was a member of didn’t give a cause of death and he didn’t say if his last words were, “Damn you, Count Chocula.” The pastor said that he just died in his car. The pastor also said that Michael was a loving husband and father who just so happened to hate gays and the Honey Nut Bee:

“[The video] doesn’t accurately reflect who he was as an individual. He was a very loving and caring father of his four children, a loving husband and he seemed to get along with other people.”

(Thanks, Brad)

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