Ja Rule is truly fighting for the title of Most Delusional Human Being, but with serious competition like The Kardashians and Kanye West in the ring, he’s got to keep on the top of his delusion game. And he is serving it up steaming for us via a delusional formerly-famous person’s favorite interview spot: an impromptu TMZ airport interview.
Andy King, The Blowjob King Of The Fyre Festival, Has Been Offered Advertising Campaigns And TV Shows
While that Fyre Festival seems to have scorched the Earth beneath every single person involved in it, with lawsuits still ongoing, the head douche of it ending up in prison, and Ja Rule pretending he didn’t know this would happen, there is one person who is living their very best life ever since those Fyre Festival documentaries were released. One Andy “Take One For The Team” King, AKA the Fyre Festival events producer who was willing to suck the dick of a customs officials for the release of Evian water, which they needed for the festival. Continue reading
The clusterfuck which keeps on giving, The Fyre Festival, may be giving us a bit more tomfoolery in the form of a bunch of models having to answer legal questions while in a courtroom under oath. Someone please ask Bella Hadid about her cosmetic surgery, we’ll finally get the truth!
Important Question: Would You Suck Dick So That Bottles Of Evian Could Be Delivered To Your Shady Boss’ Musical Festival?
Move over, Fiji Water Girl. Here cums Evian Dick Sucker!
As Mieka and C.J. have written about on this blog, Netflix and Hulu put out dueling documentaries on the flaming pile of millennial shit known as the Fyre Festival. Both docs show how imprisoned scammer Billy McFarland got way over his douche head and conned Bahamian locals, influencers, investors, and millennials with a musical festival that was supposed to be island luxury wrapped in hipster decadence, but turned out to be as luxurious as a dried-up cheese sandwich. Both docs are also getting shit on themselves, because Hulu paid Billy for his interview, and the Netflix one is produced by Jerry Media who helped promote Fyre Festival. With that being said, I’m sure that Netflix smugly declared that they won the Fyre Festival doc game when they saw footage of event producer Andy King admitting that he nearly sucked customs official dick for bottles of Evian. As someone who has been on a dick sucking date and only got tap water in a Denny’s mug, I’m looking at Andy like, “Oh you fancy huh?”
Ja Rule and Shaggy are going to go on tour together and I’ve got tickets to sell you! $500 gets you the full VIP experience, only Shaggy’s going to drop out the night before, and the concert is just Ja Rule standing on a rickety stage lip-syncing It Wasn’t Me for his life. That’s kind of what’s happening in the wake of the twin Fyre Festival documentaries, Fyre Fraud and Fyre: The Greatest Party That Never Happened that aired on Hulu and Netflix respectively over the weekend.
Two years ago, total moron Billy McFarland realized there were even bigger total morons out there who likely wouldn’t bat an eye at giving him thousands to spend a weekend at an entire island of total morons (also called “influencers”) and the promise of hearing acts like Blink-182. Billy somehow got Ja Rule to partner with him on the so-called Fyre Festival, a music festival that was going to take place on an island Billy said was once owned by Pablo Escobar and was promoted by the likes of Bella Hadid, Kendall Jenner, and Hailey Baldwin. While one would think most people would see something with Kendall “This Pepsi will save the world” Jenner attached and run in the opposite direction, Billy somehow got people to pony up as much as $25,000 for his concert weekend that was about as believable as me hosting the Oscars. Actually, that last bit is more believable.
Long story short: the “high-class experience” was more like “malaria-producing chic.” People got slapped with lawsuits, Blink-182 pulled out, and Billy got sentenced to jail. And now all that drama can be seen in an upcoming Hulu documentary.