Category: Fuck Off

Shia LaDouche Reminds Us Why He’s The Worst At The Berlin International Film Festival

February 9, 2014 / Posted by:

Even though he PROMISED he was pulling the train into the station, the Shia LaBeouf Shitstain Express just keeps on a-chuggin with no end in sight. On Sunday, The Artist Formerly Known As Louis Stevens joined the cast of Lars von Trier’s Nymphomaniac (aka the movie you’re going to secretly watch in the privacy of your own home while clutching a barf bucket) for a press conference at the Berlin International Film Festival. Shia, who’s so notoriously over-it, showed up looking disheveled, thin, and missing a tooth, and decided to leave after answering just one question. When asked about his multiple sex scenes in the movie, Shia answered:

“When the seagulls follow the trawler, it’s because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea. Thank you very much.”

Although I’m not sure we can categorized what he said as an answer; I know the NY Daily News says he was quoting French soccer player Eric Cantona from the film Looking For Eric, but it sounded more like the rantings of an annoying, paint-huffing dirtbag. And in other news, what weird bizarro-world are we living in where a five-and-a-half-hour movie about hardcore fucking has to fight for publicity with the kid from Transformers?

After he left the panel, I was crossing my fingers for news that he walked off stage and fell directly into a black hole where he’d be lost forever, but sadly no. Later that evening, Shia returned to walk the red carpet and prove again just how over-it he is:

64th BIFF -'Nymphomaniac' - Premiere

Oh, fuck right off, you little wanker. You’re pulling this stunt-queen shit now, but let’s see how into paper bag masks you’ll be in 2019 when you’re begging your agent for a cameo in an upcoming direct-to-DVD Transformers film.

Here’s more of Shia wearing his meticulously-crafted publicity stunt, as well as a pre-seagull rant Shia, looking like the park ranger most likely to be fired after a family of four catch him fucking squirrels in their tent:

(Pics: Wenn)

Kim Kuntrashian Blows Shade At Demi Moore

February 28, 2012 / Posted by:

Once upon a two years ago, a brain-dead slut baby trapped inside of the body of an Armenian whore bag got pimp slapped by the hand of a 20-year-old party girl trapped in the body of a Demi Moore. It all started when Kim Kardashian’s useless ass Tweeted that she was out “big pimpin” with her girlfriends. Now, Pimp Mama Kris should’ve been the one who pimp slapped that trick for not knowing her place as a common ho. But it was Demi Moore who dragged Kim to the classroom and tried to school her on the meaning of “pimp.”

Demi tried to get it through Kim’s vapid head that her use of the word “pimp” was glamorizing sex slavery. It was seriously a meeting of the stupids and I completely forget about it. Well, Kim didn’t forget about it and Janet Charleton (via Jezebel) says that she dedicated a special song to whippit-loving Demi at Elton John’s Oscar party:

At Elton John’s party Kim was heard making fun of the fact that Demi was caught doing drugs with much younger friends -“she called ME immature!” Kim laughingly requested a song “dedicated to Demi” – the song was Devo’s “Whip It!”

And during karaoke night in rehab tonight (please tell me they have karaoke night in rehab), Demi will dedicate the following songs to Urinal Kim: “Splish Splash,” “Yellow” by Coldplay, “What the Water Gave Me,” “Raindrops Falling On My Head” and David Chappelle’s “Piss on You.

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