Just a few days after Aretha Franklin’s family and publicist confirmed the soul-breaking news that she was getting ready to travel to the heavens to fill the ears of the angels with her legendary voice and legendary charisma (and legendary shade skills), her publicist says she died at her home from advanced pancreatic cancer in Detroit last night.
“In one of the darkest moments of our lives, we are not able to find the appropriate words to express the pain in our heart. We have lost the matriarch and rock of our family. The love she had for her children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and cousins knew no bounds.”
Aretha was surrounded by her friends and family at the time. She was 76.
We knew this awful news was coming, but I was still hoping that Queen Aretha would miraculously pop up out of bed, and say, “Get me a pen, some paper, and a carrier pigeon, because I need to let Dionne Warwick how I really feel this time,” before booking a world tour. So my heart free fell and is living in my foot now.
Through all the “Trump check!”, wig-snatching, and bloops, there has been one constant (apart from that brief divorce) in NeNe Leakes’ life, and that has been her husband Gregggggg, also known as Gregg Leakes when I’m not making fun of how she says it. NeNe may volley back and forth as to which of those Real Housewives Of Atlanta broads she wants to vote off weave island, but Gregg is always seen as her rock on the show. In a case of the sads, NeNe announced this week Gregg is now battling cancer. Continue reading
That infection that dared to fuck with Abby Lee Miller could possibly be cancer. Abby’s orthopedic spine surgeon, Dr. Hooman Melamed, talked to People yesterday, saying that Abby was paralyzed from the neck down because of a bitch of an infection that messed with her spine. After doing back surgery on her, Abby was able to move again and was headed to rehab to continue her recovery. But Dr. Hooman is back with worse news. He tells Entertainment Tonight that Abby has Burkitt Lymphoma, a form of non-Hodgkins lymphoma. He’s waiting to get pathology and oncology results before confirming that Abby has cancer. That should happen in the next two days or so.
There are many things I would like to see Julia Louis-Dreyfus announce on social media. Like that Veep won’t actually be done after the seventh season, and instead will continue for a long, long time, or at least until it has been decided that Selina and Gary will get their own spin-off called Hopelessly De-Voted to You. But because cancer is the type of awful disease to come after the good ones, Julia’s announcement is the extremely depressing kind.
Ronnie Wood, the dude from The Rolling Stones who looks like a bathwater-wrinkled finger that isn’t Mick Jagger or Keith Richards, recently spoke to The Daily Mail’s Sunday Event magazine to promote his art book Ronnie Wood: Artist. The big conversation was about how life caught up to him in the form of a lung cancer diagnosis. But don’t worry, Ronnie is fine now thanks to surgery. But not chemotherapy. Oh no, not that. Ronnie passed on chemo because he didn’t want to lose that thick hunk of hair on his head.
If I’m going to give you black cloud news about that disgusting evil demon asshole known as cancer messing with international treasure Olivia Newton-John, then I should also give you a tiny sparkle of good in the form of a picture of ONJ with topless man strippers.