Last October we all found out that Michael Douglas has a big mouth, which is great for Catherine Zeta-Jones’ cooze (even though all that snatch eating gave him cancer), but bad for Val Kilmer. During an event called An Evening with Michael Douglas in London, Michael told the audience that the reason why we haven’t really heard from Val Kilmer is because he’s got tongue cancer and was busy fighting that nasty asshole demon. Val’s family also claimed that he had cancer and wasn’t treating it because of his Christian Science beliefs. But Val shit on both Michael Douglas and his family by saying that he doesn’t have cancer and was only dealing with a swollen tongue.
Back then, Val was probably not ready to tell the world about having cancer. But during a Reddit AMA (via Variety) last Wednesday, Val talked about having cancer and said that he’s healing. One Redditor asked Val about what Big Mouth Michael (which strangely enough, is one of my nicknames too) said and he spilled this out:
“He was probably trying to help me cause press probably asked where I was these days, and I did have a healing of cancer, but my tongue is still swollen altho healing all the time. Because I don’t sound my normal self yet people think I may still be under the weather.”
So I guess Michael Douglas was right about something. But because Michael shamelessly put Val Kilmer’s business on the streets, he will never ever get an invitation to join Val and Val’s Cate Blanchett Real Doll to a special dinner. And that’s what his ass gets.
Indie Wire says that filmmaker Jonathan Demme, who won an Oscar for directing Silence of the Lambs, died this morning in New York. This sad news gets the Fuck Cancer tag, because Jonathan Demme reportedly died of esophagus cancer and complications from heart disease. He was 73.
Jonathan Demme’s 45+ year career started in the world of B-movie exploitation films when he worked for Roger Corman. Jonathan made his directorial debut with the 1974 women-in-prison classic Caged Heat. Many would’ve retired after that, because there’s no topping Caged Heat. But he went on to direct Melvin and Howard, Swing Shift, Something Wild, and the Talking Heads concert movie Stop Making Sense. If Jonathan Demme stopped right there, he still would’ve had an impressive resume, but he went to a new levels of success in the late 1980s.
He directed 1988’s Married to the Mob (aka the movie that gave us the fourth greatest Michelle Pfeiffer performance after Grease 2, Scarface and Batman Returns), and he followed that up with Silence of the Lambs, and he followed that up with Philadelphia, and he followed that up with Beloved. In the aughts, he did Rachel Getting Married and two Neil Young concert documentaries. The last scripted movie he directed was Ricki and the Flash and the last concert movie he did was Justin Timberlake + The Tennessee Kids.
One of his last works was directing an episode of Fox’s Shots Fired. That episode airs tonight and Fox plans to pay tribute to him. Oh, and another important fact I learned while reading his Wikipedia page: he dated Belinda Carlisle for a second in the 80s after working with her on Swing Shift.
He’s survived by his wife Joanne Howard and their three children.
Rest in peace, Jonathan Demme.
These shitty things really do come in threes. A publicist has confirmed to The Hollywood Reporter the sad news that Charlie Murphy, Eddie Murphy’s older brother and arguably the funnier Murphy, died yesterday after fighting against leukemia. He was only 57.
Charlie wasn’t as famous as his younger brother, but he did gain a cult following in his later years, if people can have a cult following. Charlie had a few roles in TV and film in the late 80s and early 90s and he was pretty much still known as Eddie Murphy’s brother/bodyguard or the guy who wrote Vampire in Brooklyn. It wasn’t until the early 2000s when he became famous for being himself while performing on Chappelle’s Show. Specifically, after writing and starring in a series of sketches called Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories. Charlie talked about his encounters with Rick James and his legendary “shirts vs. blouses” basketball game with Prince. We have Charlie Murphy to thank for “I’m Rick James, bitch!”
After Chappelle’s Show ended, he appeared in a bunch of movies and TV shows, and had a pretty strong voice-over career. Most recently he showed up in a few episodes of Power. He leaves behind three children. He was married to Tisha Murphy from 1997 until her death from cancer in 2009. This was Charlie’s last tweet:
One to Sleep On: Release the past to rest as deeply as possible.
— Charlie Murphy (@charliemurphy) April 12, 2017
Let’s end with Charlie telling the story about Prince kicking his ass on the court. I’d like to believe that Prince greeted Charlie at the gates of Heaven with a basketball in one hand and pancakes in the other.
And for once, nobody is looking at Chestica Simpson’s chichis, because our eyeballs are too busy taking in Papa Joe’s Bieber circa 2009 mop and his Chess King glamour.
Youth minister turned stage dad turned alleged sugar daddy turned twink photographer Papa Joe is now recovering after being treated for cancer. Papa Joe’s rep confirmed to People that cancer fucked with his prostate and he was diagnosed two months ago. InTouch Weekly’s sources that say it’s pretty serious. They claim Papa Joe has stage 4 cancer and it’s spread to his lymph nodes. But People’s source says that Papa Joe is feeling good and is already back to work as a photographer.
Papa Joe apparently underwent prostate surgery and it went well. The internet tells me that surgery for prostate cancer involves removing the entire prostate gland. No more prostate milking fun for Papa Joe, but that’s a teeny tiny price to pay. People’s source said this about his recovery:
“He’s feeling great now and is optimistic. He’s felt so much love and support from his family and friends.”
And here’s to Papa Joe continuing recovery, because we need him to keep spreading the high fashion glamour one vintage International Male outfit at a time.
During a Q&A at the Royal Drury Lane Theater in London on Sunday, Michael Douglas kiki’d with the audience about the health of his former co-star and celebrity recluse Val Kilmer. Michael spilled that the reason you haven’t heard much from Val lately is because he’s battling the same cancer (oral cancer) Michael had. Val isn’t too thrilled that Michael gave out personal details about his current situation, and he took to Facebook yesterday to let everyone know what’s up. According to Val, what’s up is that Michael Douglas doesn’t know shit-all about what he’s talking about.
Michael Douglas did “An Evening with Michael Douglas” at the Royal Drury Lane Theater in London last night, and he should’ve spent the entire evening describing in detail what it was like getting humped from the back by Matt Damon while wearing a polyester beaver on his head. But instead of doing that, Michael Douglas spent the evening talking about his career with host Jonathan Ross. When Michael talked about making 1996’s The Ghost and the Darkness, his fat mouth hole spilled out the news that his co-star Val Kilmer has tongue cancer and is in a bad way. “Not knowing that spilling someone’s medical situation isn’t a good idea” is probably a side effect of eating a lot of twat.