There are many things I would like to see Julia Louis-Dreyfus announce on social media. Like that Veep won’t actually be done after the seventh season, and instead will continue for a long, long time, or at least until it has been decided that Selina and Gary will get their own spin-off called Hopelessly De-Voted to You. But because cancer is the type of awful disease to come after the good ones, Julia’s announcement is the extremely depressing kind.
Ronnie Wood, the dude from The Rolling Stones who looks like a bathwater-wrinkled finger that isn’t Mick Jagger or Keith Richards, recently spoke to The Daily Mail’s Sunday Event magazine to promote his art book Ronnie Wood: Artist. The big conversation was about how life caught up to him in the form of a lung cancer diagnosis. But don’t worry, Ronnie is fine now thanks to surgery. But not chemotherapy. Oh no, not that. Ronnie passed on chemo because he didn’t want to lose that thick hunk of hair on his head.
If I’m going to give you black cloud news about that disgusting evil demon asshole known as cancer messing with international treasure Olivia Newton-John, then I should also give you a tiny sparkle of good in the form of a picture of ONJ with topless man strippers.
Last October we all found out that Michael Douglas has a big mouth, which is great for Catherine Zeta-Jones’ cooze (even though all that snatch eating gave him cancer), but bad for Val Kilmer. During an event called An Evening with Michael Douglas in London, Michael told the audience that the reason why we haven’t really heard from Val Kilmer is because he’s got tongue cancer and was busy fighting that nasty asshole demon. Val’s family also claimed that he had cancer and wasn’t treating it because of his Christian Science beliefs. But Val shit on both Michael Douglas and his family by saying that he doesn’t have cancer and was only dealing with a swollen tongue.
Back then, Val was probably not ready to tell the world about having cancer. But during a Reddit AMA (via Variety) last Wednesday, Val talked about having cancer and said that he’s healing. One Redditor asked Val about what Big Mouth Michael (which strangely enough, is one of my nicknames too) said and he spilled this out:
“He was probably trying to help me cause press probably asked where I was these days, and I did have a healing of cancer, but my tongue is still swollen altho healing all the time. Because I don’t sound my normal self yet people think I may still be under the weather.”
So I guess Michael Douglas was right about something. But because Michael shamelessly put Val Kilmer’s business on the streets, he will never ever get an invitation to join Val and Val’s Cate Blanchett Real Doll to a special dinner. And that’s what his ass gets.
Indie Wire says that filmmaker Jonathan Demme, who won an Oscar for directing Silence of the Lambs, died this morning in New York. This sad news gets the Fuck Cancer tag, because Jonathan Demme reportedly died of esophagus cancer and complications from heart disease. He was 73.
Jonathan Demme’s 45+ year career started in the world of B-movie exploitation films when he worked for Roger Corman. Jonathan made his directorial debut with the 1974 women-in-prison classic Caged Heat. Many would’ve retired after that, because there’s no topping Caged Heat. But he went on to direct Melvin and Howard, Swing Shift, Something Wild, and the Talking Heads concert movie Stop Making Sense. If Jonathan Demme stopped right there, he still would’ve had an impressive resume, but he went to a new levels of success in the late 1980s.
He directed 1988’s Married to the Mob (aka the movie that gave us the fourth greatest Michelle Pfeiffer performance after Grease 2, Scarface and Batman Returns), and he followed that up with Silence of the Lambs, and he followed that up with Philadelphia, and he followed that up with Beloved. In the aughts, he did Rachel Getting Married and two Neil Young concert documentaries. The last scripted movie he directed was Ricki and the Flash and the last concert movie he did was Justin Timberlake + The Tennessee Kids.
One of his last works was directing an episode of Fox’s Shots Fired. That episode airs tonight and Fox plans to pay tribute to him. Oh, and another important fact I learned while reading his Wikipedia page: he dated Belinda Carlisle for a second in the 80s after working with her on Swing Shift.
He’s survived by his wife Joanne Howard and their three children.
Rest in peace, Jonathan Demme.
These shitty things really do come in threes. A publicist has confirmed to The Hollywood Reporter the sad news that Charlie Murphy, Eddie Murphy’s older brother and arguably the funnier Murphy, died yesterday after fighting against leukemia. He was only 57.
Charlie wasn’t as famous as his younger brother, but he did gain a cult following in his later years, if people can have a cult following. Charlie had a few roles in TV and film in the late 80s and early 90s and he was pretty much still known as Eddie Murphy’s brother/bodyguard or the guy who wrote Vampire in Brooklyn. It wasn’t until the early 2000s when he became famous for being himself while performing on Chappelle’s Show. Specifically, after writing and starring in a series of sketches called Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories. Charlie talked about his encounters with Rick James and his legendary “shirts vs. blouses” basketball game with Prince. We have Charlie Murphy to thank for “I’m Rick James, bitch!”
After Chappelle’s Show ended, he appeared in a bunch of movies and TV shows, and had a pretty strong voice-over career. Most recently he showed up in a few episodes of Power. He leaves behind three children. He was married to Tisha Murphy from 1997 until her death from cancer in 2009. This was Charlie’s last tweet:
One to Sleep On: Release the past to rest as deeply as possible.
— Charlie Murphy (@charliemurphy) April 12, 2017
Let’s end with Charlie telling the story about Prince kicking his ass on the court. I’d like to believe that Prince greeted Charlie at the gates of Heaven with a basketball in one hand and pancakes in the other.