Many minds blew into the universe today and they didn’t need to hitch a ride on a SpaceX rocket to do so. Minds were blown into the universe after reading that 30-year-old Canadian cyborg goth musician Grimes (born name: Claire Elise Boucher) is humping on 46-year-old billionaire super nerd Elon Musk (born name: Elon Musk). And MuskGrime went public with their nerd love at tonight’s Met Gala.
Tiffany Haddish had the most fun with at the Oscars on Sunday night. She presented an award in her favorite dress and a pair of slippers, she ambushed Meryl Streep, and apparently she also promised to get with Brad Pitt if they’re both still single in a year. That’s probably not even Tiffany’s last random Oscar night story. I feel like we’re about to learn that Tiffany was the one who apprehended her new best friend Frances McDormand’s Oscar thief by beating him over the head with one of her slippers.
January Jones has reportedly hooked up or dated the likes of Ashton Kutcher, Bobby Flay, Jason Sudeikis and Jeremy Piven, and I guess she still loves herself a yeast infection in the form of a human man. Because Page Six says that January is bumping fuck parts with one of the Bachelors. And not even one of the fancy Bachelors, like that Italian royal whose princess grandmother founded my abuelita’s favorite luxury cosmetics brand Borghese! January is instead slumming it by dating Nick Viall.
In most random of random news, Robert Pattinson called into On Air with Ryan Seacrest to promote that movie where he was asked to do some questionable shit with a dog. UsWeekly says he also mentioned how, nine years ago, he and Dustin Diamond were once roommates. Zoinks! The two lived in a Burbank apartment complex called Oakwood, which was known to be the home of many people pursuing acting careers.
Now, nine years ago, RPatz was climbing up the ladder to play wizards and vampires. Dustin, however, was post-Saved By The Bell and venturing into films that certainly wouldn’t be on NBC’s Saturday morning lineup. But thank screech Rob wasn’t a roommate snob, otherwise he would have missed out on learning about one of America’s most valuable delicacies:
“I was with Screech, Dustin Diamond. I loved it. I really miss it. Dustin was the first person to introduce me to Hot Pockets!”
What do you miss most, Rob? Would you don a Tiffani Amber Thiesen wig and run lines with Screech to remember the glory days? I’d miss that, too! As for Hot Pockets…damn, dude. Maybe that’s why Kristen Stewart always looked so sour while y’all dated? Hating the paparazzi was just a front!
Tragically, the smell of a pepperoni hot pocket nuking away in the microwave will not be the smell Dustin is most known for, but we’ll leave that one be. And maybe hope, for Screech’s sake, he can get a few pockets while locked up in the pokey. Happy Labor Day!
It’s been four months since Naya Rivera filed for divorce from her husband of two years, Ryan Somethingoranother, and that’s a long time for a permanent resident of ThirstVille like herself to get a new dude to hit the pap stroll with. But Naya got herself a new dude and they’re making everyone’s head fill with a billion question marks.
I don’t know the complete history of the phrase of “Not today, Satan.” I don’t think it first sprouted out of the brain of Bianca Del Rio, but I do know that she made it one of her signature catchphrases, spit it out during season 6 of RuPaul’s Drag Race (which she won), named her tour after it and sells “Not Today Satan” merchandise on her website. Well, yesterday Candace Cameron Bure posted a picture on Instagram of herself wearing a “Not Today Satan” t-shirt and Bianca wasn’t having it today, tomorrow or next week. I guess the era of feuds filed under “Random As Hell” isn’t over.