January Jones has reportedly hooked up or dated the likes of Ashton Kutcher, Bobby Flay, Jason Sudeikis and Jeremy Piven, and I guess she still loves herself a yeast infection in the form of a human man. Because Page Six says that January is bumping fuck parts with one of the Bachelors. And not even one of the fancy Bachelors, like that Italian royal whose princess grandmother founded my abuelita’s favorite luxury cosmetics brand Borghese! January is instead slumming it by dating Nick Viall.
In most random of random news, Robert Pattinson called into On Air with Ryan Seacrest to promote that movie where he was asked to do some questionable shit with a dog. UsWeekly says he also mentioned how, nine years ago, he and Dustin Diamond were once roommates. Zoinks! The two lived in a Burbank apartment complex called Oakwood, which was known to be the home of many people pursuing acting careers.
Now, nine years ago, RPatz was climbing up the ladder to play wizards and vampires. Dustin, however, was post-Saved By The Bell and venturing into films that certainly wouldn’t be on NBC’s Saturday morning lineup. But thank screech Rob wasn’t a roommate snob, otherwise he would have missed out on learning about one of America’s most valuable delicacies:
“I was with Screech, Dustin Diamond. I loved it. I really miss it. Dustin was the first person to introduce me to Hot Pockets!”
What do you miss most, Rob? Would you don a Tiffani Amber Thiesen wig and run lines with Screech to remember the glory days? I’d miss that, too! As for Hot Pockets…damn, dude. Maybe that’s why Kristen Stewart always looked so sour while y’all dated? Hating the paparazzi was just a front!
Tragically, the smell of a pepperoni hot pocket nuking away in the microwave will not be the smell Dustin is most known for, but we’ll leave that one be. And maybe hope, for Screech’s sake, he can get a few pockets while locked up in the pokey. Happy Labor Day!
It’s been four months since Naya Rivera filed for divorce from her husband of two years, Ryan Somethingoranother, and that’s a long time for a permanent resident of ThirstVille like herself to get a new dude to hit the pap stroll with. But Naya got herself a new dude and they’re making everyone’s head fill with a billion question marks.
I don’t know the complete history of the phrase of “Not today, Satan.” I don’t think it first sprouted out of the brain of Bianca Del Rio, but I do know that she made it one of her signature catchphrases, spit it out during season 6 of RuPaul’s Drag Race (which she won), named her tour after it and sells “Not Today Satan” merchandise on her website. Well, yesterday Candace Cameron Bure posted a picture on Instagram of herself wearing a “Not Today Satan” t-shirt and Bianca wasn’t having it today, tomorrow or next week. I guess the era of feuds filed under “Random As Hell” isn’t over.
Tobey Maguire and Jennifer Meyer called it quits on their 9-year marriage almost two months ago and one would naturally assume that his triumphant return to the Pussy Posse would last the better part of a year. (I believe the re-initiation process requires at least 6,969 hours of supervised model-banging.) However, it looks like Tobey could possibly be more interested in dating right now.
A source tells Radar that Tobey might be dating Demi Moore. In a very weird turn of events for a Pussy Posse member, Demi Moore is 13 years older than Tobey.
Demi and Tobey were rumored to be dating way back in 2002 before she got with Ashton Kutcher and he got married. The source tells Radar that Demi reached out to Tobey after the news of his split from Jennifer, and that “it didn’t take long for things to heat up.” The source claims Demi and Tobey’s conversation was innocent enough at first, but then she started reminiscing about “the good times” and it snowballed from there.
“Demi is still a sexy, attractive woman, and Tobey is just her type — younger, smart and kind of goofy. She’d like more than a hookup. She’s very lonely these days and looking for someone to share her life with. Who knows where this will go?”
Neither Demi nor Tobey have confirmed they’re doing anything with each other, so this could literally just be some fanfic created by a bored intern at Radar. I like to believe it’s real. Sure, the Pussy Posse handbook states that all boners should be aimed at 20-year-old bikini models, but Demi counts. Some parts of her are in their 20s and she may not technically be a bikini model, but that doesn’t mean she’s not a pro at taking bikini selfies.
Whenever I read a headline about Prince Hot Ginge dating a new trick, I usually run over to the not-at-all Photoshopped picture of him and I on my bedside table and yell at his face for doing me wrong. But when I read about his newest-maybe piece at the always-truthful Sunday Express, I didn’t do any of that. I’m into this maybe-union. PHG usually only gets with stringy-haired blond Brit chicks, but this one is American (GASP!), a divorcee (DOUBLE GASP!), is bi-racial (TRIPLE GASP!) and a commoner actress who is on a basic cable show, not even HBO (QUADRUPLE GASP!). PHG is reportedly rubbing his fiery nipple knobs on actress Meghan Markle from the show Suits. THE QUEEN just fainted on a Corgi as Prince Philip thought, “Hmm, I wonder who she sponges off of?”