Glamour’s annual Women of the Year award happened last night in Hollywood and the dress code must’ve been: MESS! Because most of them were.
Gwen Stefani (in the gallery) looked like an off-brand quinceañera Barbie and Zendaya (also in the gallery) wore some floral glove things that made it look like she just double fisted a flower fairy. And then there was Amber Heard whose dress looks like it was made out of the dusty curtains, crib skirt and pillow trim from an old-timey rich baby girl’s nursery. That dress is what Miss Havisham would wear if she was finally evicted from Satis House and had to make coins by selling ass at a brothel.
Amber hasn’t worked many red carpets ever since she settled her divorce from the angry scarf rack, so maybe she purposefully wore something busted. That way reporters wouldn’t ask her about Johnny Depp, because they’d be too busy wondering who and what the hell she’s wearing. Well played!
And here’s a zillion more pictures from last night including Lena Dunham who worked baby bangs and a constipated face.
When two sources “confirmed” that Kerry Washington had another baby growing in her belly yesterday, I made a joke that Kerry would confirm it herself by posing on the red carpet of the Met Gala with her hand placed on her stomach. And last night Kerry Washington hit the Met Gala red carpet with her hand on her stomach. Although I almost didn’t notice that hand because I was too distracted by that purple hair. Mon Dieu (splashes self with holy water), that hair! I am so conflicted. It’s not permanent (Instagram tells me that those are extensions), so that’s good. It sort of looks like the kind of fake hair you’d find on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which makes me want to pour myself a hot mug of penicillin. On the other hand, it looks like it was found on the floor of the Rock of Love Bus, which means it’s 100% pure fake hair perfection.
I’ve known some pregnant people, and one thing I’ve gleaned is that sometimes being knocked up makes you do some crazy things. Case in point: the gorgeous black lace boudoir ensemble Kerry is wearing. I feel like non-knocked up Kerry wouldn’t wear that. But knocked up Kerry? Sure! The more black lace the better. Or maybe this is Kerry’s way of paying tribute to Prince. If Prince designed maternity clothes, I’m almost positive that’s what he’d make.
Kerry didn’t exactly do much with the technology theme, but there were a few people who tried. Let’s start with Demi Lovato.
The nursery that is growing and raising Madonna’s future boy toys is probably freaking out, because if she’s doing old dudes now, their business is ruined forever!
The greasy nutsack with a face that is Sean Penn has shown up to Madge’s Rebel Fart tour in NYC and Vancouver. And at her Brooklyn show, she told the audience that her ex-husband wrote her a nice note telling her that he finally appreciates her art. Well, either Radar took those little facts and ran them through the FanFiction machine to create this story or Madge’s snatch has really reunited with Sean Penn’s dick.
Radar claims that 26 years after they got divorced, Sean and Madge are fucking again. Sean and Madge apparently stayed at the same hotel in Vancouver and he plans to join her tour through California so he can get him some of her muscled-up coochie as much as possible. The source also says that there’s a chance he could travel with her as she tours Europe.
Insiders told Radar their tour of love will continue this fall, as Penn was booked into the same hotel as the pop queen for her stays in Vancouver on October 16. He’s expected to follow her to Los Angeles for the latest leg of her world tour. And they could even fly together to Europe on October 29, said a source.
If this is true, then when Sean Penn goes to Madonna’s hotel room to rub down low parts with her, he probably wonders why he has to go through a metal detector and why her security pats him down to make sure the bat in his pants isn’t an actual bat and why there’s no chairs in her room. I wonder why? And when is the FDA going to declare Sean Penn’s dick one of the most dangerous and addictive street drugs in the country? Screw heroin, coke and Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. Sean Penn’s dick is more addictive and dangerous than all of them. As soon as Sean sticks the tip in, the chick he’s screwing is so dickmatized that she doesn’t realize she’s doing Sean Penn. Where is Nancy Reagan to warn us of the dangers of Sean Penn’s dick?
And here’s Sean going to Freida Pinto’s birthday party in West Hollywood last night. Not you too, Freida! Get into rehab before it’s too late!