TMZ is reporting that there is a new rap feud in town. While it may not rise to the aggro levels we’re currently used to with Cardi B and Nicki Minaj brawling out here in the streets, it seems that Frank Ocean is getting mildly into it with Travis Scott. And no, it’s not because Frank Ocean hates the Kardashians as much as the rest of decent humanity, or because Travis took his rightfully-owned parking space. In fact his beef with Travis is purely musical.
Frank Ocean just dropped a hot new track and and the kids are all like “have you heard that new Frank Ocean groove?! It’s outta sight!” (this is how the kids talk, right?). It’s a cover of Moon River but that’s news to a whole bunch of youths who thought it was an original song.
Frank Ocean performed at FYF Fest in Los Angeles over the weekend and brought a surprise guest on stage for his performance of Close to You/Never Can Say Goodbye. The surprised and mostly delighted crowd were buzzing when everybody’s favorite stoner dad, Brad Pitt joined Frank onstage via split screen looking like a Sad Keanu who finally got Adele to answer his calls.
Critics’ darling Frank Ocean withdrew his hugely successful (both critically and commerically) Blonde album from Grammy consideration this year and won’t be performing.
In an interview with Rolling Stone (via Pitchfork), Grammy producers Ken Ehrlich and David Wild were asked why this was so. They responded by opining that Frank’s performance of his song “Forrest Gump” at the 2013 Grammys sucked and that he didn’t want to give us the sequel. Frank took to Tumblr to refute this, and explain exactly why he wasn’t Grammy-bound this year. And it’s all Taylor Swift’s fault (everything is)!
Frank Ocean’s new album Blonde probably would have gotten at least one Grammy nomination, but now he’s guaranteed a grand total of zero nominations, because his team missed the deadline to submit it. Billboard says that Frank Ocean’s people didn’t screw up. They knew about the Grammy nominations deadline and said “fuck it” to submitting Blonde and his visual album Endless. Either Frank Ocean thinks the Grammys hold about as much importance as the shit churning in a bull’s bowels, or he doesn’t want to bruise his palms from clapping every time Adele beats him since she’s probably going to win everything. It seems like Frank Ocean doesn’t give one damn about getting a Grammy nomination, but Kanye West really cares about Frank Ocean getting a Grammy nomination.
Damnit damnit damnit fuck fuck shit. Well, that’s just great. I thought I’d found true love the minute I laid eyes on that check Frank Ocean returned to Chipotle after backing out of a commercial and the beautiful, eloquent message contained within, but now TMZ is saying that Frank Ocean didn’t actually write FUCK OFF in the memo line of the check before he sent it back. What a shame; a true blue cunt is really hard to come by these days.
Shortly after Frank posted a picture of his Chase-blue middle finger to Chipotle, TMZ says that a rep for the awful burrito chain (real truth; I’ve never had a burrito from Chipotle that didn’t taste like a cold, guac-filled diaper) came forward to defend their honor and blow a shady kiss at Ocean by saying that the cheque they received had a blank memo line. Which means that the FUCK OFF check Frank posted to his Tumblr was photoshopped. I know! Something on the internet wasn’t real? MON DIEU!
So Frank Ocean isn’t actually the shady-shader I thought he was. God, I feel like such a fool! Now what am I supposed to do with this engagement ring, 3 dozen long-stemmed roses, and instructions for a sky writer to write ‘I’LL BE FRANK…MY LOVE FOR YOU IS ENDLESS, LIKE AN OCEAN’? I mean, I always sorta knew he wouldn’t be totally into it, but I figured we could work something out. Like I bake cookies while he writes FUCK OFF on shit around the house; you know, normal husband/wife stuff. Well, I guess it’s back to searching for true love on ShadeThrowingHatersWhoDontGiveAFuck.com for me.