A few weeks ago I wrote about horny alligators on the prowl in Florida. Well it was just a matter of time before all that alligator courting worked and one of those randy alligators got into a Florida woman’s pants. As a cop discovered when he pulled over a couple in a routine traffic violation and found out there was an alligator in a woman’s pants.
Yes, read that headline again. If you’re high, read it a third time. This is the type of fuckery that takes place down in Port St. Lucie, FL where 23-year-old Andrew Anthony Gallagher decided that paying with cash is so 2018. He’s looking ahead to the new shit for 2019 and it involves using a different kind of green as currency; marijuana.
Christmas Abbott From “Big Brother” Was Arrested For Allegedly Going Crazy On Her Man’s Side Piece’s Car
In Christmas’ defense, you’d be full of rage and always ready to beat a trick too if your parents named you Christmas Joye. Seriously, Christmas Joye Abbott. She was destined to bust the opposite of Christmas joy on the world.
Christmas was in the 19th season of Big Brother in the U.S., and broke her foot early on. But even with a broken foot, she competed and made it all the way to the final 3. Christmas proved that she can do a lot of things with a busted hoof, and a few months ago, she proved that she can do a lot of things while very pregnant. Like bust up the car of her man’s side piece. Christmas Joye brought the Summer Rage on a bitch.
After two disturbing days full of news about suspicious packages containing homemade pipe bombs being mailed to several high-profile Democratic politicians and Trump haters, reports are rolling in from everywhere that the so-called MAGAbomber has been arrested.
Meet Paul Flart (also known as Doug). Paul is a happy-go-lucky guy in Florida who was hired to be the security guard at a local hospital. People figured out Paul was a real ham and decided to make him the first person people saw when they walked in because he was such a jovial dude. Well, somewhere in that timeframe, Paul must have gone overboard on the kidney beans at the cafeteria because he let out an octave from his butt trumpet and…EUREKA! He discovered the acoustics in that hospital welcoming hall rivaled that of Carnegie Hall.
Paul spent six months ripping the most epic of cheek sneezes, and the Internet couldn’t get enough. His ass (literally) went viral, and he amassed thousands of followers tuning in to see his looks of shock, glee, and sometimes embarrassment of those ass claps. Alas, Paul’s boss didn’t have time for Paul’s ass antics, and he got fired. Luckily for us, Paul filmed it…and has a future planned!
Back when I was a kid, I couldn’t use the threat, “I’m calling the cops!”, on my abuelita, because the cops probably would’ve gladly held me down as she chancleta’d the stank out of me. But times have changed, and nowadays the cops will put a Florida granny in handcuffs even if the brat she slapped with a chancleta (or a slipper in this case) is 46 years old.