What’s that thing about the best way to get over a breakup – something about hanging out with Katy Perry? That’s how Robert Pattinson is reportedly dealing with his rumored split from FKA Twigs (now FKA RPattzsgirlfriend). And all of a sudden, that story about Katy and Robert going out to dinner this summer seems that much more suspicious.
The Sun is bringing forth the type of news that will no doubt have that last remaining handful of Robsten fans singing the Hallelujah Chorus. After months of rumors and vague-ish relationship status updates, it sounds like Robert Pattinson and FKA Twigs have permanently split.
Robert Pattinson gave Twi-hards a boner the other day when Howard Stern asked him if he was still engaged to FKA Twigs, and he replied, “Yeah, kind of.” Nobody checked to see if Kristen Stewart, while soaking in the lady pond, replied, “Don’t even think about it.” Nothing would give those fanged fans greater glee than seeing the reboot of Edward and Bella, even if Bella is into poon and Edward is into… bad haircuts and rank-ass movies. FKA apparently took Rob’s maybe-maybe-not engagement chatter as the green light to paw up on another piece. Continue reading
If this isn’t a post fit for the “Well Well Well” tag, then I don’t know what is. Remember way back to yesterday, when we were reporting the scandalous news that Katy Perry was spotted sitting next to Robert Pattinson at dinner? Sorry – canoodling over noodles (get it right, Allison). And it was fine and not suspicious at all because Katy and Robert are just friends, and also he’s “kind of” engaged to FKA Twigs? Here’s the part where we all start thinking: “Shoot, maybe that seating choice was more scandalous than we thought.”
I am not kidding when I say I just looked out my window to check and see if any large, scary gray clouds filled the sky. I got this nervous feeling that the remaining Twihards (their numbers may be small, but their obsession is strong) might collectively react to this news by mentally manifesting an angry storm. Thankfully they might be kept busy trying to decode Robert Pattinson’s purposefully cryptic message.
By “shit,” I of course mean IMMENSE KNOWLEDGE. And yes, “Immense Knowledge” is the name of their weed strain of choice.
FKA Twigs is a lot of things. She’s a singer, a songwriter, a dancer, an artiste and Robert Pattinson’s promised one. And after reading her interview with ES Magazine, I learned that she either took the same Scientology homeschool classes as Willow and Jaden Smith or all of their brains were cut from the same hemp cloth. Because FKA Twigs gets deep. FKA Twigs may look like Fievel’s sister from An American Tail, but when she stares out into the vast night, she doesn’t sing Somewhere Out There, she reads the stars.