When we last heard about the goings-on of Shia LaBeouf’s peen, he was happily spreading his dick cheese all over the loins of his maybe-fake wife, Emily the Strange’s eyebrow-deficient cousin Mia Goth. Shia (seen above looking freshly power washed by a Hazmat worker) and Mia are apparently done with making the pretentious hipster angels cry with happiness by bumping fuck parts, and he’s now making the pretentious hipster angels cry with happiness by bumping fuck parts with FKA Twigs. Sorry, Diego Rivera and Frida Kahlo, but your title as history’s most famous artiste couple has been snatched away by these two gifts to HIGH ART!
What’s that thing about the best way to get over a breakup – something about hanging out with Katy Perry? That’s how Robert Pattinson is reportedly dealing with his rumored split from FKA Twigs (now FKA RPattzsgirlfriend). And all of a sudden, that story about Katy and Robert going out to dinner this summer seems that much more suspicious.
The Sun is bringing forth the type of news that will no doubt have that last remaining handful of Robsten fans singing the Hallelujah Chorus. After months of rumors and vague-ish relationship status updates, it sounds like Robert Pattinson and FKA Twigs have permanently split.
Robert Pattinson gave Twi-hards a boner the other day when Howard Stern asked him if he was still engaged to FKA Twigs, and he replied, “Yeah, kind of.” Nobody checked to see if Kristen Stewart, while soaking in the lady pond, replied, “Don’t even think about it.” Nothing would give those fanged fans greater glee than seeing the reboot of Edward and Bella, even if Bella is into poon and Edward is into… bad haircuts and rank-ass movies. FKA apparently took Rob’s maybe-maybe-not engagement chatter as the green light to paw up on another piece. Continue reading
If this isn’t a post fit for the “Well Well Well” tag, then I don’t know what is. Remember way back to yesterday, when we were reporting the scandalous news that Katy Perry was spotted sitting next to Robert Pattinson at dinner? Sorry – canoodling over noodles (get it right, Allison). And it was fine and not suspicious at all because Katy and Robert are just friends, and also he’s “kind of” engaged to FKA Twigs? Here’s the part where we all start thinking: “Shoot, maybe that seating choice was more scandalous than we thought.”
I am not kidding when I say I just looked out my window to check and see if any large, scary gray clouds filled the sky. I got this nervous feeling that the remaining Twihards (their numbers may be small, but their obsession is strong) might collectively react to this news by mentally manifesting an angry storm. Thankfully they might be kept busy trying to decode Robert Pattinson’s purposefully cryptic message.