Open Post: Hosted By Minnie Mouse Losing It On A Security Guard In Las Vegas

2020 has already gone off the rails, and it really went off the rails when one of the cutest mascots in the world turned into Ronda Rousey and started beating on a female security guard. Honestly, nobody knows how, or why, this happened but the fact remains there was a messy incident that took place between an unauthorized Minnie Mouse and a female security guard on the Las Vegas strip, which probably caused Disney+ subscriptions to increase since they apparently want to take Minnie in a new direction this decade.

Continue reading

Erykah Badu Shit On Iggy Azalea During The Soul Train Awards

At the beginning of the Soul Train Awards, which happened earlier this month and aired last night, Erykah Badu answered these two questions:

1. Does Iggy Azalea still exist?

2. Does everybody still hate Iggy Azalea?

While wearing her signature short uncut dick hat and dressed up like a high priestess bag lady farmer, Erykah Badu reminded everyone that Iggy Azalea is still a thing that exists and hating on her is still the world’s favorite sport. Erykah has a new cellphone-themed mixtape out and to promote that shit, she did a bit during her opening monologue at the Soul Train Awards where she talked to famous types on her phone. The scent of microwaved plastic immediately filled the nostrils of hos in the audience after Erykah burned Iggy with this:

“Tonight we are only honoring soul and R&B music. There will be no hip hop awards given out. Only three tattoos per arm are permitted. There will be no red cups and no gold chains – [phone rings] Is that my phone? Hang on one second. I’m sorry, y’all. Ah, yes. Who is this? Iggy Azalea! Oh, hey. No, no, no, no, you can come because what you’re doing is DEFINITELY not rap.”

And if just reading the words doesn’t take you up, up and away, the video will:

At this point, hating on Iggy Azalea is like taking a sloppy shit on top of the mutilated corpse of a dead horse that’s been ran over by a train several times, but since it’s one of the only things that brings us together as a people, I say: Hate on, Erykah! Hate on!

Pics: Wenn.com

Daddy Spears Better Give Brit Brit’s Twitter Writer A Raise

Iggy Azalea (the Japanese humanoid robot in a pink-tipped blond wig on the left) has been on a roll and is probably developing Madge arms from digging her own grave. Iggy got kicked out of Pittsburgh Pride for some dumb shit she said on Twitter a while ago and she had to scrap her tour, because apparently tickets weren’t selling and working with her was about as fun as a nutsack waxing. Iggy should probably stay away from pissing off tricks in the music industry, but since the Botox ate the tiny bit of sense she had left, she decided to come for Our Lady of Cheetos and Our Lady of Cheetos slapped a bitch back.

Iggy yanked at Brit Brit Spears’ weave on Twitter a few days ago when one of her followers said that their song together “Pretty Girls” flopped a little. Iggy put the blame on Brit Brit for not wanting to whore it out. When The Pop Zone said that Iggy was shading Brit Brit, she tweeted back with: “my comment is factual, it applies to any song. I dont have to suck the womans asshole 24/7 to be her friend, do i? bye girls.” (Dumb fuck Iggy obviously doesn’t know anything about friendship, because 24/7 salad tossing is the key to a long-lasting friendly relationship.)

Well, Team Brit Brit responded to Iggy with a beautiful piece of true shade with a dollop of burn cream on top. Brit Brit pulled a subtle “Good luck with bookin that stage u speak of” by reminding Iggy who’s got the word “CANCELED” next to their concert dates on Ticketmaster and who doesn’t.  Git that trick, Brit’s Twitter writer:

Can’t wait to get back to Vegas. So thankful I have shows for the rest of the year to look forward to… #YouWantAPieceOfMe

— Britney Spears (@britneyspears) June 29, 2015

Daddy Spears better drop off a $30 Starbucks gift card and a Costco-sized box of Slim Jims next to the cubicle of the shade master who is responsible for scalping Iggy in less than 140 characters. I’d like to think that badass bitch Jamie Lynn Spears wrote that tweet on her phone right before she pulled out a knife to break up another fight at Pita Pita.

“Oh Highly Talented Humble Saintly One, Please Forgive Me……”

Last night, this picture of the benevolent earth God St. Angie Jolie shooting glares of hot ice into the skin of Amy Pascal made the rounds. The picture was taken at The Hollywood Reporter’s Women in Entertainment Breakfast on Wednesday, a day after the Sony Hack delivered us a digital gift in the form of Scott Rudin calling St. Angie Jolie a “minimally talented spoiled brat” during a fight with Amy about David Fincher directing the Steve Jobs biopic. I love it when St. Angie Jolie’s golden halo turns into a ring of fire and she has to fight the urge to tear a trick apart with her vampire dragon claws.

Scott Rudin is the one who did all of the saint bashing in those e-mails and Amy sort of kind of defended St. Angie. So I’m guessing that in that picture, Amy is doing some serious saint ass sucking by saying, “Don’t listen to that goat-footed wheezy old queen. Cleopatra is going to be a worldwide billion dollar extravaganza masterpiece and the world’s supply of gold will run out because the Academy will have to invent new categories just so they can give you as many Oscars as possible. By the way, let me get you a screener for Exodus. You must want to see that movie since it’s about Gods and you’re a God and all.” Meanwhile, St. Angie is wondering why this peon is holding her like that and isn’t on her knees kissing her hooves.

But we all know who the true star of that picture is:

Giving me Charlize as Aileen Wuornos sans all the dirtiness, craziness and killer stuff. That lady is the tattle tale sibling of a brat who just got in trouble for not acting right. That look says: “Ooooh, you’re about to get whooped and I’m here for the show.”

In more Sony Hack news, The Daily Beast says the hack has revealed what Jennifer Lawrence’s email is and what Brad Pitt signs some of his emails with:

Without giving the actual email handles away (they’re all followed by various other characters), these A-list stars have some seriously great email addresses. Lawrence’s is “peanutbutt,” and Pitt’s is a bizarre alias “_____ Phizz.” Furthermore, Pitt sometimes signs his emails “B P McWee.”

I’m telling myself that blank space in Brad Pitt’s alias is “Jizz” Peanutbutt, JizzPhizz and BP McWee… The Sony Hack has confirmed that on the inside, every Hollywood power type is a 13-year-old suburban boy who wants to be a rapper.

Pics: AP, Splash

A Lesson In How To Properly Shade From Queen Aretha

Queen Aretha Franklin is still pimping her album of diva covers hard and when she’s not awakening the dead with her screams while a not impressed Cissy Houston does the Grumpy Cat behind her, she’s bringing on the shade in heavy doses. While talking to the Wall Street Journal about her new album, Queen Aretha was asked to give her thoughts on some of the “young divas” of today. You can tell that Queen Aretha hates interviews and thinks everyone question is filed under STUPID. Queen Aretha is over it before it even begins and she doesn’t have time for sentences that end in a question mark. But since she’s got an album to sell, she goes along with it. When the interviewer spit out a few names, it looks like she had a hard time coming up with a compliment and she barely tried with Taylor Swift and didn’t even try with Nicki Minaj. Pull up your dress, tuck your granny panties to the side and piss on those young bitches, Hateretha!

On Adele: “Young singer, good singer.”

On Alicia Keys: “Um, young performer, writer/producer.”

On Taylor Swift: “Okay. Great gowns. Beautiful gowns.”

On Whitney Houston: “Whitney was a talent. Definitely a talent. She had a gift. And Cissy’s baby.”

On Nicki Minaj: “Nicki Minaj… Hmm… Now I’m going to pass on that one.”

It’s 110 in the shade today! Besides Whitney and maybe Adele, it doesn’t seem like Queen Aretha is really that impressed with any of them. She straight up hated on Nicki Minaj and threw a little shade at Taylor and Alicia’s way. She is the Say Something Nice champion. Queen Aretha always keeps it cuntastic. “Great gowns, beautiful gowns…” Oh, Aretha, great shade, beautiful shade… Maybe Aretha doesn’t even know who Taylor is, though. Maybe she thinks Taylor Swift is a line of quickly made dresses at Lord & Taylor.

And if you want to see Queen Aretha get an error 404 message while trying to give a fuck about lessers like Nicki Minaj, Taylor Swift and Alicia Keys, skip to the 3:55 mark in the video below:

Here’s some old pictures of Queen Aretha with Clive Davis on Halloween night at Keep A Child Alive’s Annual Black Ball in NYC. Queen Aretha is keeping this child alive with that wig and sloppy eyeshadow situation. But she is not keeping the Muppets alive by wearing one of their own.

Pics: Wenn.com

Shonda Rhimes Tells Us How She Really Feels About Katherine Heigl

When Katherine Heigl, the cauterized scab stuck to humanity’s tonsils, publicly shit on the Grey’s Anatomy writing team by saying that she wasn’t going to submit herself for an Emmy nomination due to the writing of her character being pure crap, the show’s creator Shonda Rhimes held back a little and didn’t go all the way in. But now that Shonda is one of the most powerful people in television, she is no longer keeping her tongue from hurling out solid disses at Heeeeeeeeeigl.

In 2012, Shonda told Oprah that Katherine’s comments to the press stung her, but she wasn’t surprised (read: bitches be bitching). In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Shonda doesn’t hold back at all and lets a trick know that the bridge wasn’t just burned. The bridge was blown to pieces and there’s not a ladder long enough to connect their sides again. Not even Shelley Long’s Outrageous Fortune character can leap across.

Shonda probably isn’t going to direct anal porn anytime soon, because she doesn’t want to work with gaping assholes.

Although her perfectionist tendencies coupled with Scandal’s breakneck story pace can wreak havoc on deadlines — “We’re always behind,” she admits — the operation runs smoothly and the cast is tight-knit. “There are no Heigls in this situation,” she says, choosing her words carefully. She adds later of her “no assholes” policy: “I don’t put up with bullshit or nasty people. I don’t have time for it.”

Shonda has a “no asshole” policy yet she brought Isaiah Washington back to Grey’s Anatomy. Okay….

I never got into Grey’s Anatomy and I don’t watch Scandal even though every time I talk to my mom, she says, “You don’t watch Scandal. We have nothing to talk about.” I did watch the first episode of How I Met Your Murderer, because the preview of Viola Davis dramatically saying in a Maya Angelou-like tone, “HOW TO. GET AWAY WITH. MUUUUUUUUUURRRDER,” sold me. Anyway, I haven’t really gotten into Shonda’s shows, but I am totally getting into her calling Katherine Heigl out by name. She’s saying, “I’m not scared of calling you out by name, because I AM SHONDA RHIMES!”

The rest of THR’s article goes on to talk about how earlier this year, Shonda held meetings with other networks and ABC got scared of losing their golden child so they gave her a bunch of money in exchange for a four-year deal. So since Shonda currently owns ABC on Thursday nights, I guess the only way Heigl will ever be on ABC on a Thursday night is if her ZzzQuil commercial airs right before the 11 o’clock news.