Last August, Rosie O’Donnell got into a really messy, very public battle with her 17-year-old adopted daughter Chelsea O’Donnell. But Rosie and Chelsea recently reunited, and it looks like things aren’t nearly as shitty between them as they were last year.
Rosie’s relationship breakdown with her daughter was like a soap opera with an unlimited story budget. Chelsea went missing with her therapy dog Bear, and was later found by police hiding at the home of a 25-year-old alleged heroin dealer she met on Tinder. Chelsea didn’t go back home. Instead, she moved in with her biological mother and accused Rosie of smoking weed and ignoring her. Rosie accused Chelsea of being off her meds. We didn’t hear anything about Rosie and Chelsea for a very long time. Then on Monday, TMZ says Rosie was seen with Chelsea and her daughter Vivienne on Fran Drescher’s Cancer Schmancer cabaret boat cruise in New York. As you can see from the picture below, Chelsea – the one on the left with Ariel hair – and Rosie sort of appear to be getting along now. No word on if they’re living together again; at the moment they’re just sitting near each other.
I know taking a picture with someone you used to hate doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t hate them anymore. I’m sure we’ve all thrown on a tight awkward smile and muttered “Just take the picture” through clenched teeth before. But the fact that they were on a boat is kind of a big clue that Rosie and Chelsea might be good. Think about it: would you voluntarily choose to be stuck on a floating barf barge listening to Fran Drescher screeching out “Lullaby of Broadway” with a person you really really hate? No, of course not. The boat is one thing, because booze. But Fran? That’s a choice no one makes lightly.
Prince Hot Ginge once allegedly told a gay dude that he’d give him a call if he “changes his mind about women,” and I remember that quote as though I just read it 2 minutes ago, because I did just read it 2 minutes ago. It’s tattooed over my right nipple so I read it while giving myself a quickie whore bath in the sink this morning. So PHG would obviously be my first choice for the first British royal to grace the cover of a gay magazine. THE QUEEN in Dame Edna drag would be my second choice. Prince William would probably be my 5th choice after the fallen Duchess Fergie in a rainbow flag and all of THE QUEEN’s Corgis, but I’ll gladly take it.
If I I had a working time machine, I’d take it back to 1920s Switzerland to try and get with Hermann Rorshach because he was the kind of hot piece who could make you create an inkblot test in your chonies. Once I escaped after Hermann turned me down and tried to commit me, I’d take my time machine to early 90s Southern California to tell my sad gayby self not to worry, because yeah, one of the greatest shows that ever happened, GLOW (Glamorous Ladies of Wrestling), is over for now, but it’ll be back in a different form in 26 years thanks to some shit called Netflix. My gayby self would probably look at his grown self’s skinny fat body and tired face and immediately scream for our mom to get him a gym membership and industrial-strength moisturizer STAT.
Deadline brings us news that may make you children of the 80s squirt out a stream of glitter-infused excitement. Jenji Kohan, creator and executive producer of Orange is the New Black, will executive produce a 1980s-era comedy series based on GLOW for Netflix.
Paula Deen just made a mental note to only get $50 bills from the ATM in the future…
Politico says that United States Treasury Secretary Jack Lew will announce that Andrew Jackson (FYI: AJ was the 7th POTUS and not the unknown 6 member of the Jackson 5) is out as the main face of the $20 bill and Harriet Tubman is in. I’m surprised Sofia Vergara isn’t the new face of the $20 bill since that trick is the face of EVERYTHING. Andrew Jackson isn’t totally off of the $20 bill. There’s a good chance his face will be moved to the back of the bill. Ha.
The Pulitzer Prizes were announced today and if The Daily Mail and The Sun were American publications, they would’ve swept the hell out of every single category including Drama. But luckily for Lin-Manuel Miranda, they’re not, so he easily became a Pulitzer winner today when the musical he wrote Hamilton won the prize in Drama. Even Miss Cleo could’ve predicted this. The chances of Hamilton losing out on the Pulitzer today were about as slim as me being able to get a ticket to Hamilton before the year 2021.
Playbill says that Hamilton is the 10th musical to ever win the Pulitzer. It joins Next To Normal (2010), Rent (1996), Sunday in the Park with George (1985), A Chorus Line (1976), How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying (1962), Fiorello (1960), South Pacific (1950), Of Thee I Sing (1932) and Showgirls The Musical (2013). Okay, that last one wasn’t ever made official and mostly because the Pulitzer people knew that if they declared it the winner, they’d have to shut down the category forever since nothing would ever top it.
Lin-Manuel has been tweeting about his win, but this tweet made the chipped ice block in my chest feel emotions for a second:
*Gets in time machine, grabs 12 year old me by the face*
IT GETS SO GOOD KID, JUST HANG IN THERE https://t.co/PhTYBC6aV8
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin_Manuel) April 18, 2016
This post also goes out to my Hamilton-a-loonie friend who has probably already held a funeral for our dead ass friendship. I didn’t know how hardcore obsessed he was with Hamilton until a couple of weeks ago when I said that everyone on my Facebook feed has been slobbering about it for months, and I get it, it’s the best thing to happen to us since Zima. I didn’t even say anything remotely bad, but damn, you’d think that I stole his car and used it to run over all of his loved ones while calling his dog a cunt. Ain’t no love like Hamilton love!
In that picture, the part of me is being played by the cross-eyed dude on the left making a “Can you believe these wrecks?” face.
As most of you know, I am a 12-year-old trapped in the body of a grown skinny fat gay dude. I have the maturity of one (no offense to the maturity of a 12-year-old), the humor of one and like many of them, I am glued to my phone like it’s more important than any of my internal organs (and it is). I hardly misplace my phone, but when I do, I want to call the police and beg them to issue an AMBER ALERT on that bitch. Because if they did, my own phone would scream out that loud AMBER ALERT alarm and I’d be able to find it.
But even though my hands are stuck to my phone like it’s a 9″ peen, I still let it go and put it away when I’m at the movies. But some tricks can’t do that and there’s always at least one rude bitch who has to annoy everyone in their area with a douche signal (aka a beam of light shooting off of a cell phone in a dark movie theater). AMC obviously knows that some inconsiderate messes can’t resist the urge to text during a movie and yesterday, they thought out loud about possibly letting those chronic texters text in some theaters. It went over as well as a wet fart during a salad tossing.
When it was announced way back in January that Netflix was rebooting Gilmore Girls, most people figured Melissa McCarthy was far too famous and busy for that shit and the part of Sookie St. James would probably end up being played by a DVD of Tammy in a wig. Hell, even Gilmore Girls creator Amy Sherman-Palladino figured she’d be too busy, so she didn’t bother asking her to come back and be a part of it. A little while later, Melissa admitted that someone did eventually call her up about it, but that scheduling conflicts were preventing her from slipping into her chef’s coat and hot kerchief.
Well, it looks like you can go ahead and pop a bottle of sparkling coffee and crank the Paul Anka up to 11 (yes I just outed myself as a Gilmore Girls nerd), because Melissa McCarthy confirmed that she will be back for the Gilmore Girls reboot during a taping of Ellen yesterday.
Melissa is a huge Academy Award-nomiated STAR! now, so I don’t know what this means for the Gilmore Girls reboot budget. All I can say is that they better have enough money left over to bring back the two brightest celestial beings of Stars Hollow. A Gilmore Girls reboot is nothing without the Marlboro-voiced sun-bleached unicorn Babette and her sassy sidekick Miss Patty.
Here’s Melissa McCarthy and her husband Ben Falcone in New York earlier this week while working the press circuit for that Martha-with-roid-rage movie The Boss.
Pics: The WB, Wenn.com
Bill Cosby Charged With Aggravated Assault And An Arrest Warrant Has Been Issued (Update With Mug Shot!)
Bill Cosby and Elmo… Two disgusting and nasty trashy peas in a disgusting and nasty pod.
A belated Christmas miracle happened today. The Pennsylvania District Attorney charged Bill Cosby with aggravated assault, a felony, for allegedly drugging and sexually assaulting Andrea Constand in 2004. Andrea Constand, who was the operations manager of Temple University’s women’s basketball team at the time, says that the fallen Puddin’ Pop kingpin drugged and raped her at his home in Elkins Park, Pennsylvania in January 2004.
In 2002, Canadian-American daffodil Pamela Anderson publicly said that she got Hep C from sharing a tattoo needle with Tommy Lee. (Tommy Lee smashed Pamela’s claims with his monster dick by saying that he didn’t give her Hep C and he doesn’t have Hep C.) Pamela told People in August that her doctors put her on a new FDA-approved drug regimen that rids the virus from a patient’s blood stream. I didn’t know that Hep C was curable, but the NYDN says that a patient is considered “cured” if no traces of the virus are found in their blood in the three to six months after they finished that drug regimen. Pamela said in August that the drugs weren’t giving her any side effects and she hoped she’d be Hep C-free in a month. On Saturday, Pamela screamed from the top of Instagram that Hep C has left her body and since she’s Pamela Anderson, she celebrated the news by gracing the eyes of her followers with a throwback picture of her bare ass on a boat.
I am CURED!!! – I just found out #nomorehepc #thankyou #blessing #family #prayer #live I pray anyone living with Hep C can qualify or afford treatment. It will be more available soon. I know treatment is hard to get still…#dontlosehope #itworkedforme #thereisacure #love #happy #americanliverfoundation #celebration #Idontknowwhattodo #iwanttohelp #cannes #iloveboats #onthesea #free
Now that Pamela Anderson is free of Hep C, she can work on curing herself of committing first-degree hashtag abuse.
Sure, Pamela Anderson would celebrate ANYTHING by posting a naked ass picture of herself. If she found that sock she thought she lost in the dryer, she’d celebrate by posting a naked picture. If she got a coupon for the medium-point Sharpie pens she uses to paint on her exquisite eyebrow situation, she’d celebrate by posting a naked picture. But there’s really no other way to celebrate getting rid of the sicks than by posting a picture of your naked ass. I’ve been bitching about allergies screwing with me and it seems like they finally left me (for now), so I was going to take a tip from Pammy by tweeting a celebratory naked picture of me with the hashtags #nomorehives #thankyouclaritin. But I know that picture would induce heaves in a major way and I don’t want everyone suing me for making them use all their sick days.
The news in this post has nothing to do with Betty White, but when I posted about the Daytime Emmys a few months ago, I missed these extremely important and gorgeous pictures of two human angels. I’m posting them now, because they are vital to your wellbeing and health. And speaking of something that will heal your insides and soothe your soul, here’s the greatest TV news since Matt Boner told us that the new season is filled with plenty of shots of his nalgas:
CHARO GOT A REALITY SHOW!!!!!
The world of reality TV is filled with so much unholiness (see: the Kartrashians and nearly every show on TLC) that it’s about time all that trash is countered with a whole lot of glamour and etherealness. Charo is the holy water that will thrust away the sins of reality TV. As the heavens opened up and the angels sang, Deadline announced that Charo will star in and produce the reality show Charo in Charge for Televisa USA. When I think of the name “Televisa USA,” my brain shits up question marks, but I’m sure it’ll soon be the biggest and most powerful network of all-time thanks to the forever A-list relevancy of Charo!
The series is centered on the multi-generational family’s life in their Beverly Hills compound. “We love Beverly Hills but I think we are the right family in the wrong neighborhood,” says Charo. “All we’re doing is cooking paella in the backyard on an open fire, with my son and his girlfriend and my nephew and his heavy metal friends, my randy dancers in the pool with my gay friends and me and my sister with my bull and my dogs. Why do they keep calling the police?”
Charo in Charge will also star her hot son Shel Rasten, her husband, her sister and her nephew. This is the first portrait of reality TV’s newest and best royal family:
There’s no air date and I don’t even know if it started shooting yet, but I already know that this show will be everything. It has glamour, accents, Charo, hot dudes, a double dose of high ponytails, daytime soap opera styling, goths and unicorn hair. The only thing it needs is Betty White as the drunk and horny neighbor who constantly tries to fuck Charo’s son. Make that last part happen, Televisa USA!