To promote her new show on Fuse, Big Freedia: Queen of the Bounce, Big Freedia and over 350 people got together in Herald Square in NYC, stuck their asses out and twerked until they beat the Guinness World Record for most people simultaneously twerking at one time. Big Freedia is the New Orleans bounce queen and she’s (call her “she” or “he,” just call her) and started twerking long before Billy Ray Cyrus’ plastic bag and rubber band condom broke and Miley was made, so if anyone should set the record it’s her. Guinness set the rules and didn’t play around with that shit. The rules were:
1. Body must remain upright, with movement concentrated in hips
2. Participants can put hands on knees or hips for support
3. Twerking action cannot comes from knees – hips only
4. Freestyling or additional choreography not permitted – no hands on the ground, feet in the air, twirling, etc.
5. Twerking action must be synchronized, can be at own pace
6. All participants must twerk simultaneously for two minutes when Big Freedia gives the signal
7. Any performers who do not participate fully for the entire two minutes will be deducted from the final total
Here’s Big Freedia showing everyone how twerking is done right:
After they twerked their way to the world record, Big Freedia let everyone know that Miley’s uncooked flatbread ass wasn’t the first ass to twerk, “It would open a lot of doors and set history for bounce music and let the world know that we’ve been twerking for a long time. This is not new at all. Now it’s time to set the record.”
Big Freedia shouldn’t celebrate just yet…. David Miscavige is totally going to dispute that ruling and claim that the world record belongs to Scientology. Because every Saturday night in the Scientology bathhouse, hundreds of male members slather their naked bodies in barley oil, bend over each other, put their hands on their knees and work their hips until all their butt Thetans explode. The world record belongs to them! They’ve been doing that eons.
Radar says that as you’re reading this, the angels are singing while a wrecking ball smashes into the ugly set for Pimp Mama Kris’ Hour of Whoring. Or maybe Universal Studios will buy it from FOX to use in their Addams Family attraction since it’s kind of hard to reproduce creepiness like that.
Pimping out her granddaughter not once, but twice, worked for a second, but it wasn’t enough for FOX to give PMK’s talk show a full season. A source tells Radar that FOX recently told Pimp Mama Kris that the ratings for the Summer test run of her talk show sucked harder than the Kardashian family at-home lipo vacuum and so they aren’t picking up her show.
GOD IS REAL!!!!!!
The source said this:
“There is no chance the talk show is going to get a green light from FOX. The ratings were averaging an abysmal 0.8 and advertisers were less than enthusiastic about it.
Kris did get a ratings bump for her last show when Kanye West revealed the first baby pic of daughter, North West, with Kim, but that was a one time shot in the arm and it wouldn’t be indicative of what the ratings trend would be.”
FOX had a camera on Pimp Mama Kris’ face the moment they told her that her talk show would not be coming back and they plan to sell the footage to psychiatrists who will use it as a visual anti-depressant on their patients. Because nothing will make you feel like a ball of sunshine like seeing a piece of Pimp Mama Kris’ Whore Kingdom come crumbling down.
FOX is going to wait a week or three to announce it and they plan to slip the news out on a Friday afternoon, hoping that nobody will notice. It will be hard not to notice when everyone’s screaming the news from the top of rainbows and skipping down the streets while toasting each other with cups full of Andre.
Don’t worry about Pimp Mama Kris, though. Now she’ll have even more time to come up with new and creative ways to take down Lamar Odom. Speaking of, here’s Lamar at Taco Bell today. I guess Lamar buying Pintos ‘N Cheese means that he traded in his crack pipe for a bong for now.
When I got an email with the subject “Wentworth Miller Comes Out As Gay,” I had to check the date, because the broken down, busted memory box in my brain remembers this as already happening. I thought we already got drunk at his coming out party and already cleaned up the confetti off the floor. But I guess I need to start injecting Gingko directly into my brain, because Wentworth Miller, who was in Prison Break and wrote Stroker, didn’t come out until today. In a letter to the St. Petersburg International Film Festival, Wentworth writes that yup, he likes peen, and because he likes peen, he’s not going to Russia. GLAAD posted the letter:
August 21, 2013
Re: St. Petersburg International Film Festival / “Guest of Honor” Invitation
Dear Ms. Averbakh:
Thank you for your kind invitation. As someone who has enjoyed visiting Russia in the past and can also claim a degree of Russian ancestry, it would make me happy to say yes.
However, as a gay man, I must decline.
I am deeply troubled by the current attitude toward and treatment of gay men and women by the Russian government. The situation is in no way acceptable, and I cannot in good conscience participate in a celebratory occasion hosted by a country where people like myself are being systematically denied their basic right to live and love openly.
Perhaps, when and if circumstances improve, I’ll be free to make a different choice.
Member, The ManKind Project
Well, at least something good has come out of this whole terrifying Russia mess.
And did you know that Wentworth was 41? While he was coming out as gay, he should’ve also come out as a 41-year-old, because I had no idea about that.
Seen above giving us all a late-summer fever by serving up some “Heat Miser as a Solid Gold Dancer” tease, WWE Superstar Darren Young casually told TMZ that yup, he likes peen, while waiting for his luggage in the baggage area at LAX yesterday. The combination of a gold sequin headband, black thigh highs, muscled-up nipples and tiger print gold luh-may briefs (Side note: I am too lazy to put a fancy accent over the “e” in lame, so I’m just typing it out phonetically….. and I just realized that explaining why I typed it out phonetically is making me use a lot more energy than putting an accent over the “e” would’ve. Nobody has ever accused me of making sense.) is making me pucker already and Darren Young really made me pucker with his casual coming out speech.
TMZ’s cameradude recognized Darren Young at LAX and decided to ask him if the WWE is ready for a successful openly gay superstar and he answered the question by saying:
“Absolutely. Look at me. I’m a WWE superstar and to be honest with you, I’ll tell you right now, I’m gay. And I’m happy. I’m very happy. …..Does it matter? Does it matter to you? Does it change what you think about me?
I guess if you want to call it a “coming out,” I don’t really know what to say it is. I’m just letting you know that I’m happy with who I am. I am comfortable with myself.”
The TMZ dude asked Darren what he thinks people’s response will be and he sort of shrugged and said that some will hate it, some will love it, but he’s comfortable with himself and that’s all that matters. Here’s the full video of Darren’s casual coming out:
WWE already issued a statement of support:
On TMZ this morning, WWE Superstar Darren Young revealed to the WWE Universe that he is gay. WWE is proud of Darren Young for being open about his sexuality, and we will continue to support him as a WWE Superstar. Today, in fact, Darren will be participating in one of our Be A STAR anti-bullying rallies in Los Angeles to teach children how to create positive environments for everyone regardless of age, race, religion or sexual orientation.
Yeah, that video looks slightly choreographed and sort of staged, but who cares! The “Yeah, I like dick and?” coming out speeches are my favorite kind of coming out speeches. And now that he’s out, maybe he should change his Twitter bio. Right now it says:
As comfortable in the VIP section as he is in the ring, Darren Young’s life revolves around three things — money, women and wrestling.
He should update it to say:
As comfortable in the VIP section as he is in the ring, Darren Young’s life revolves around three things — money, gold sequin headbands and wrestling.
I know, I wish he was threatening to quit civilization, but baby steps, baby steps…
Seen above with a ScarJo-looking ass trick who’s doing the walk of shame to his car after leaving a club last night, Chris Brown checked himself into a California jail yesterday. The Difficult Brown violated his probation by giving a driver fake insurance information and refusing to give her his drivers license info after he hit her car. The ingrown hair on humanity’s ass lips wasn’t arrested at the scene, so he had until August 6th to turn himself in. Fist Brown turned himself in yesterday and sadly they didn’t put him in a cell with a pack of rabid coyotes. Fist checked in and checked out 45 minutes later.
The Difficult Brown celebrated his 45 minutes in the clink by going to a club and picking up a piece. But I guess he and his piece-of-the-night didn’t hit it off (you pick up the GONG while I exit the stage), because a few hours later he spit out his pacifier and wah wah wah’d out another stream of diarrhea on Twatter. Fist Brown cried about how the media keeps getting at him for consistently being an asshole for the past 4 years.
A mistake? A mistake is Chris Brown’s dad not pulling out when he had the chance. A mistake is not nearly beating RiRi’s face off. But whatever, The Difficult Brown is SO over it that all he does is tweet and moan about how over it he is. That’s totally being over it, Chris Brown. We shouldn’t celebrate the death of The Difficult Brown’s music career just yet, because I’m sure in about five seconds he’ll scream on Twitter about how his H8RZ are his MOTIV8RZ and he’s going to rise like Jesus. “Jesus died so Chris Brown could live!” – Mom Breezy
Raven Symone said last year that who she’s bumping genitals with is her business and everyone just needs to pull their noses out of her snatch. But then today, Raven and her growth-stunted brows jumped onto a rainbow-colored Segway and busted down the closet door with this tweet. Unless the government legalized human and Segway marriage, I think she’s talking about marriage being open to everybody in Minnesota and Rhode Island today. YAAASS! Olivia is all the way grown up and has waving her Team Gayelle card proudly. Let’s all dance to that:
And for those of you whores who are saying that Raven has been out this whole time, then keep dancing and take that tweet to mean that she’s come out as Rhode Islander or Minnesotan.
In case you couldn’t tell from the fact that THE QUEEN always looks like a giant chunk of a rainbow and her hats are gayer than a flower poodle, she’s all for marriage equality and today she gave same-sex marriage the royal stamp of approval! Let them eat cock and cooch!
The NYDN says that yesterday Parliament said “YAAASSSS!” to a bill that makes marriage legal for everyone in England and Wales. Getting THE QUEEN’s royal approval was just a formality and they wanted to give her a reason to dress her Corgis up like rainbows.
Starting next summer, everybody in England and Wales will be able to get married in a civil and/or religious ceremony. England and Wales already allowed civil partnerships, so any couple that wants to add a layer of doom to their relationship can convert their civil partnership to marriage.
John Barrowman, better known as Jack Harness from Dr. Who and Torchwood (or as every gay nerd’s fap star), married his dude of 20 years, Scott Gill, in California yesterday. John and Scott became civil partners in the UK in 2006, but now that gay marriage is legal in CA they decided to become husband and husband. They probably figured that since they’ve been together for 20 years and have been mostly happy during those 20 years they should know what it’s like to be absolutely miserable, so they got married. YAY!
The Scottish Neil Patrick Harris (or is Neil Patrick Harris the American John Barrowman?) announced in a WhoSay video yesterday that he and Scott were off to get married:
Congratulations to Captain Jack and Scott! And now that they’re married, Captain Jack has a legal obligation to tell Scott that those bangs aren’t the look.
via The Daily Mail
I wanted to celebrate with a SilverFoxDancing.GIF, but it looks like only FakeSilverFoxDancing.GIFs exist and posting one of those would be a crime almost worse than DOMA not getting knocked down. If you look out your window, you’ll probably see the clouds forming the image of Rojo Caliente as daytime ginger fireworks shoot up in the air and that’s because 5 Supreme Court Justices pulled a Juanita against DOMA. The Supreme Court also pulled a Juanita against Prop 8, clearing the way for same-sex marriage to start up again in California. YES! LET’S ALL GET MARRIED (but I am not signing no damn prenup)!
Sir Patrick Stewart is 72 years old, has traveled the world and has probably dined in the fanciest restaurants and yet, he has never put his mouth on one of the planet’s finest gourmet treasures: a slice of pizza! Yes, Sir Patrick Stewart eating his first slice is HIGHLY important news.
Patrick bought a duplex in Park Slope, Brooklyn and to christen himself as a citizen of the neighborhood, he ate his first slice at Smiling Pizza. This is the most important thing to happen to New York pizza since Papa Joe first brought pizza to NYC in the olden times or whenever. Patrick folded his slice (makes it easy to dip in nacho cheese) and also enjoyed what Mayor Bloomberg would call an extra large soda. Some of us would call it a “one gulp.”
I still can’t believe that Sir Patrick Stewart has never had a slice of pizza before today. Well, Sir Patrick Stewart can say that he hasn’t truly started living life to the fullest until today.
You know, now that I think about that shit. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten a slice of pizza either. I normally just drench the whole pizza pie with melted butter before shoving the entire thing in my mouth. The melted butter lubes the pizza up so it goes into my mouth hole easier.