Fifth Harmony is what you get when the pretty girls at the office Christmas party decide to perform their finest version of anything by Destiny’s Child after one too many shots of Fireball. And last night, during the annual MTV Video Music Awards snoozefest, the group decided to take home the award for Best “Fuck YOU Bitch!” by a group when they threw some delicious, long awaited shade at former member Camila Cabello.
If the Oscars and the Emmys are your fancy old uncle who drinks expensive scotch and loves British shows on PBS, then the People’s Choice Awards are your aunt who drinks canned Bay Breezes and asks if you wanna get high in her LeBaron. The People’s Choice Awards are for the people, damn it, and they don’t need prestige or class or gowns that requires every inch of your intestines to be crammed into Spanx.
Blake Lively clearly knows this and after going full-fashion at the Golden Globes two weeks ago, she wore one of Britney Spears’ rejects to the People’s Choice Awards. It’s like she couldn’t find her glasses and just assumed the dress code on the PCA invitation said: “Come dressed as a dancer from a Bob Mackie-inspired cruise ship show who is trying to get fired.” She looks like the messiest pledge at a sorority for ravens.
Some people still don’t understand that you don’t have to try so hard at the People’s Choice Awards. Jennifer Lopez, I’m looking at you.
In many pictures of Fifth Harmony posing together, each chick looks like she’d rather be posing next to a bitchy and hungry grizzly bear who’s got a craving for second-tier girl group members. So it’s not a shock that one of them has decided that she’s the Beyonce of the group and has exited stage left forever. (SPOILER ALERT: She’ll probably beg them all to let her back in when her debut solo concert at the Northern Wisconsin State Fair in Chippewa Falls is canceled due to low ticket sales.)
TMZ says Lauren Jauregui, who you may know as the bisexual member of Fifth Harmony or the member who skillfully worked a welding torch without melting her extensions in the Work video, was caught with weed at Dulles Airport in Washington D.C. last night. Law enforcement tells TMZ that Lauren was stopped by TSA and selected for a secondary search. If Lauren was giving maybe-stoned face like she is in that picture above from the American Music Awards, I *think* I may have an idea why she was selected for a secondary search.
I know Lady Gaga’s thing right now is hats, specifically that pink one that’s practically the official mascot of her Joanne promotional tour. So I shouldn’t have been surprised that she showed up to the American Music Awards last night in her biggest, stiffest-brimmed hat. It was nice of her to switch out that pink hat for the evening. I’m sure it was starting to get all limp from all the sweaty forehead foundation it was no doubt collecting and could use a good soak before the Grammys in February. Sorry AMAs, but you get the backup hat.
Donald Trump winning the presidency is causing many to anticipate a four-year-long “FML” spiral for the US of A . It’s also causing people to read those who voted for Trump from cover to cover, so they’ll never recover. I don’t know about you, but my Facebook feed is one long, drawn-out howl of anguish and back-and-forth blame-laying. I’ve stopped looking at any post that doesn’t feature a baby hedgehog eating or purported penis enlargers for my own sanity. Celebrities are also in the “if you voted for Trump, you voted for evil” mix. Lauren Jauregui is a member of pop group Fifth Harmony, and Billboard printed an open letter she wrote in which she comes out as bisexual and tongue-lashes Trumpeters.