A little over a year since Camila Cabello called it quits with Fifth Harmony and went solo, E! News says the four remaining members of Fifth Harmony are taking a break to pursue solo careers. Dinah Jane, Normani Kordei, Ally Brooke, and Lauren Jauregui made the announcement earlier today on Twitter. Curse them forever for choosing such an eye workout of a font. I felt like I was reading a Star Wars crawl without my glasses on.
— Fifth Harmony (@FifthHarmony) March 19, 2018
The remaining four Harmonies have already begun working from their respective homes, so to speak. Normani released a single called “Love Lies” in February. In January, Lauren released “All Night” and Ally released “Perfect.” Dinah Jane released “Boom Boom” back in October.
They’re definitely not done forever; they’re just all taking a break to work on solo albums and whatnot, and will return to the Fifth Harmony clubhouse stronger and better than ever! Or they’ll realize you can’t really microwave a Hot Pocket twice without it starting to fall apart, and in six to nine months time, they’ll announce Fifth Harmony’s time of death. For now though, they have to work the hiatus angle, because they’ve got shows to play on their PSA Tour, which is about to earn the nickname The We’re Legally Obligated To Be Here Tour.
Fifth Harmony is what you get when the pretty girls at the office Christmas party decide to perform their finest version of anything by Destiny’s Child after one too many shots of Fireball. And last night, during the annual MTV Video Music Awards snoozefest, the group decided to take home the award for Best “Fuck YOU Bitch!” by a group when they threw some delicious, long awaited shade at former member Camila Cabello.
If the Oscars and the Emmys are your fancy old uncle who drinks expensive scotch and loves British shows on PBS, then the People’s Choice Awards are your aunt who drinks canned Bay Breezes and asks if you wanna get high in her LeBaron. The People’s Choice Awards are for the people, damn it, and they don’t need prestige or class or gowns that requires every inch of your intestines to be crammed into Spanx.
Blake Lively clearly knows this and after going full-fashion at the Golden Globes two weeks ago, she wore one of Britney Spears’ rejects to the People’s Choice Awards. It’s like she couldn’t find her glasses and just assumed the dress code on the PCA invitation said: “Come dressed as a dancer from a Bob Mackie-inspired cruise ship show who is trying to get fired.” She looks like the messiest pledge at a sorority for ravens.
Some people still don’t understand that you don’t have to try so hard at the People’s Choice Awards. Jennifer Lopez, I’m looking at you.
In many pictures of Fifth Harmony posing together, each chick looks like she’d rather be posing next to a bitchy and hungry grizzly bear who’s got a craving for second-tier girl group members. So it’s not a shock that one of them has decided that she’s the Beyonce of the group and has exited stage left forever. (SPOILER ALERT: She’ll probably beg them all to let her back in when her debut solo concert at the Northern Wisconsin State Fair in Chippewa Falls is canceled due to low ticket sales.)
TMZ says Lauren Jauregui, who you may know as the bisexual member of Fifth Harmony or the member who skillfully worked a welding torch without melting her extensions in the Work video, was caught with weed at Dulles Airport in Washington D.C. last night. Law enforcement tells TMZ that Lauren was stopped by TSA and selected for a secondary search. If Lauren was giving maybe-stoned face like she is in that picture above from the American Music Awards, I *think* I may have an idea why she was selected for a secondary search.
I know Lady Gaga’s thing right now is hats, specifically that pink one that’s practically the official mascot of her Joanne promotional tour. So I shouldn’t have been surprised that she showed up to the American Music Awards last night in her biggest, stiffest-brimmed hat. It was nice of her to switch out that pink hat for the evening. I’m sure it was starting to get all limp from all the sweaty forehead foundation it was no doubt collecting and could use a good soak before the Grammys in February. Sorry AMAs, but you get the backup hat.