Pink is back on the music scene, and, while she recognizes there are plenty of Tinseltown cat fights, her and Christina Aguilera’s pussies are quite content, thankyewverymuch. As all things seem to go these days, her get real moment stemmed from a Twitter troll. Everything these days comes from Twitter trolls. Racist shit, bullying, U.S. Presidential “diplomacy”…sometimes all in one Tweet!
Yesterday was Whitney Houston’s birthday and I celebrated by giving a pitchy performance of So Emotional at karaoke. R&B singer and longtime Brandy rival, Monica, commemorated the day with a sweet post on Instagram. R&B singer and longtime Monica rival, Brandy, also commemorated the day with a heartfelt Instagram post.
But then things got weird.
I don’t mean that literally, of course. I have a lot of kinks (like wanting to be yelled at by Patti LuPone and watching porn while eating Popeye’s chicken. I mean, the grease makes for good – I’ll stop), but overaged twink scat porn isn’t one of them, thankyverymuch. If Hanson got big after Justin Bieber did, we’d all probably call them the unholy trinity of Bieber impersonators, so them hating on Bieber is some pot meet kettle shit, but I still love every bit of it.
Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana have done a really good job of pissing people off with their homophobic thoughts, IVF, etc… They recently pissed off Miley Cyrus and got into a fight with her. And it all started with her brother Braison Cyrus.
If Taylor Swift and Katy Perry were both running for freshmen class president (no offense to freshmen class president candidates), this would be the part where Taylor and her squad smugly hand out “Vote 4 Tay Tay” cards attached to full-size Snickers as Katy hands out “Vote 4 Katy” cards attached to mini Snickers.
Today was supposed to be Katy Perry’s big day. After weeks of releasing a million new songs (okay three) and going on about character assassin Taylor Swift to sell her new album, Katy Perry’s Witness is finally out. But being the snake emoji in the grass she is, Taylor has been lying in the darkness, waiting to strike at a trick, and she did it last night without saying a word. Just a few hours before Witness came out, the Mattel brand Medusa sat before her baby pink iMac and clicked the “RELEASE THE CATALOG” button while saying, “Swish swish this, bish.” Taylor released all of her songs to all streaming services.
Since I’m a bit of a Theater Duchess (not yet a Theater Princess or Theater Queen), I’ve known that along with belting out musical notes in ALL-CAPS, giving her unfiltered thoughts on things is something Patti LuPone is not afraid to do. Patti was on Watch What Happens Live last night, and leave it to beef sautéer extraordinaire Andy Cohen to get her to go off on everything from Madonna’s “acting” to live TV musicals to Abby Lee Miller. A couple of the things that Patti said last night have been said before by her, but she finally got to say them on national television. Praise that shifty Andy Cohen for bringing out a true gift for us devotees to petty drama.