I don’t mean that literally, of course. I have a lot of kinks (like wanting to be yelled at by Patti LuPone and watching porn while eating Popeye’s chicken. I mean, the grease makes for good – I’ll stop), but overaged twink scat porn isn’t one of them, thankyverymuch. If Hanson got big after Justin Bieber did, we’d all probably call them the unholy trinity of Bieber impersonators, so them hating on Bieber is some pot meet kettle shit, but I still love every bit of it.
Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana have done a really good job of pissing people off with their homophobic thoughts, IVF, etc… They recently pissed off Miley Cyrus and got into a fight with her. And it all started with her brother Braison Cyrus.
If Taylor Swift and Katy Perry were both running for freshmen class president (no offense to freshmen class president candidates), this would be the part where Taylor and her squad smugly hand out “Vote 4 Tay Tay” cards attached to full-size Snickers as Katy hands out “Vote 4 Katy” cards attached to mini Snickers.
Today was supposed to be Katy Perry’s big day. After weeks of releasing a million new songs (okay three) and going on about character assassin Taylor Swift to sell her new album, Katy Perry’s Witness is finally out. But being the snake emoji in the grass she is, Taylor has been lying in the darkness, waiting to strike at a trick, and she did it last night without saying a word. Just a few hours before Witness came out, the Mattel brand Medusa sat before her baby pink iMac and clicked the “RELEASE THE CATALOG” button while saying, “Swish swish this, bish.” Taylor released all of her songs to all streaming services.
Since I’m a bit of a Theater Duchess (not yet a Theater Princess or Theater Queen), I’ve known that along with belting out musical notes in ALL-CAPS, giving her unfiltered thoughts on things is something Patti LuPone is not afraid to do. Patti was on Watch What Happens Live last night, and leave it to beef sautéer extraordinaire Andy Cohen to get her to go off on everything from Madonna’s “acting” to live TV musicals to Abby Lee Miller. A couple of the things that Patti said last night have been said before by her, but she finally got to say them on national television. Praise that shifty Andy Cohen for bringing out a true gift for us devotees to petty drama.
On Friday’s episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race, the queens were challenged to film a parody of Beverly Hills, 90210 called Beverly Hills, 9021-HO. It was coached and judged by 90210 stars Tori Spelling and Jennie Garth. I hope RuPaul remembered to hire an armed guard to keep watch over the $100,000 prize; you can’t take any chances leaving Tori around that much money.
In Alec Baldwin’s new memoir, Nevertheless, he talks about being horrified to learn that Nikki Reed was underage when they filmed Mini’s First Time, a limited-release comedy drama from 2006. The movie is about a high school student named Mini (Nikki) who decides to be an escort and accidentally gets called by her stepdad (Alec). Then they go on to (spoiler alert!) murder Mini’s mom.
Alec claims in his book that he was 47-years-old when they shot the movie, and it never occurred to him to ask how old Nikki was. When Alec discovered that Nikki had just turned 17, he flipped out on the rude, thoughtless little pigs on set who failed to mention just how young she was. Except that it might not have happened like that. According to one of the producers of Mini’s First Time, Alec is lying.