It’s a bit redundant to say so, because aren’t all award shows just an excuse for fashion houses to clean out their local Fabric Barn and send a famous person down the carpet in more material than a 1980s canopy bed set? But the Emmys did see a lot of by-the-yardage last night, like on Jessica Biel, who said yes to a white Ralph & Russo dress. If you think Jessica and Justin Timberlake look like they stopped by the Emmys on their way to appearing on the top of a wedding cake, you’re not the only one.
After Aretha Franklin’s eight-hour-long funeral service yesterday, I assumed that the post-funeral highlights would be a plethora of Bill Clinton oogling Ariana Grande memes, but the real take away is nowhere near as fun as that. Bishop Charles H. Ellis III, who officiated the service in Detroit, is catching some serious heat for his groping of Ariana at the podium and joking about her name being a Taco Bell item, and has been forced to issued an apology.
Obviously nothing can ever top the legendary sequinned charisma of Lil’ Kim’s purple nipple cover at the 1999 MTV VMA’s, but that’s not nearly a good enough excuse for people not to try. An iconic look is like rolling dice; you might wear something that ends up in one of those Best Looks of ALL TIME galleries for the rest of the internet’s existence, or you might be just wearing clothing. Cardi B could have shocked eyes by showing up in big hair, a dramatic cape, and no pants, but – yawn – been there, done that. Instead, Cardi B made her first red carpet appearance since giving birth last month in a purple gown by Nicolas Jebran and a pussycat wig. Cardi is giving me eccentric Beverly Hills housewife at a charity gala trying to steal the spotlight from her rival Bitsy Saint Claire. Wait a second – rich, attention-getting, short dark hair, daughter’s name spelled with an unnecessary K? Kris Jenner must be so flattered right now.
But are you surprised? The word “rich” is right there in the title!
Constance Wu showed up to the Crazy Rich Asians premiere in L.A. in a Ralph & Russo gown that looks like the sort of fancy throw pillow I would be warned ten times not to touch while visiting a fancy relative’s house. Although that’s not to say Constance is too bougie for the rest of us; those sequins are giving fancy silver SpaghettiOs realness. And what says “of the people” more than 99-cent canned pasta? Even if they do sort of look like the canned pasta rich people might eat when Jeeves leaves on vacation and they’re forced to use the can opener.
Some people still get very bothered by what Serena Williams wears on the tennis court. Yesterday at the French Open, Serena won her first grand slam match since giving birth to her daughter eight months ago, and she did it while wearing what appeared to be a black catsuit.
The Billboard Music Awards were last night and if the red carpet is any indication, it lived up to it’s name because most stars looked as bored as can be. With very few exceptions, most of the night’s looks were uninspired and devoid of whimsy. Nick Jonas (above) looks like he just showed up for his shift at Applebees and still needs to go get his flair from his locker and take a quick shot at the bar before getting started. He’ll be with you in a minute, ok?