A million years ago (in the 90’s, to be more specific), I knew a lot of teen moms growing up and none of them got paid to be on their own damn TV show. Honestly, the only checks they received came from WIC. That all changed in 2009 when MTV’s reality series Teen Mom introduced a bunch of girls with babies into our lives.
Fast forward to 2017 where one of the moms, Amber Portwood, may be following in fellow Teen Mom alum (and Dlisted patron saint of bad decision making) Farrah Abraham into the lovely world of having protein slurpees chucked into her face (AKA porn).
But in Backdoor Farrah’s defense, she’d look like an embarrassing and desperate mess even if she didn’t show up to the MTV Movie & TV Awards in a costume found in the section marked “For Trashy Attention Whores Who Want Quick Attention” at the Haus of Cultural Appropriation.
The last time Backdoor Farrah’s name was farted up onto this blog, I linked to a post about the picture she posted on Instagram of her 7-year-old daughter Sophia drinking Flat Tummy Tea. Whether she really gave her little daughter laxative tea or she was just trolling for attention, I figured that an agent from CPS would still crash through her ceiling, swoop up Sophia and retreat back up into a getaway helicopter. That didn’t happen, because Farrah is still using her daughter as a prop to get attention. And yes, I’m falling for it, but it’s either post about this wreck or do another damn post about the election.
I know it’s redundant of me to even ask, because we all know that Sue Ellen Mischke from Seinfeld has, is, and forever will always work the bra-under-a-blazer look the best. But Amber Rose is coming in a very close second. We all know that Amber Rose has a habit of bringing ten tons of jaw-dropping eleganza to the MTV VMAs. Sometimes she goes straight-up stripper, other times she keeps it a little more demure. This year she went tasteful and sophisticated with just a hint of “Oh, these?”
It looks like Farrah Abraham is going for another “Mother” of the Decade award. (I can’t with good conscience call her a mother without using quotation marks.) This time it has to do with Farrah getting into a fight with an elementary school principal over her decision to send her 7-year-old daughter Sophia to school in a face full of child-grade spackle.
If for some reason someone asks what me Twitter is for, I’m going to show them the fight between Backdoor Farrah and Nicki Minaj. Because that’s what Twitter is for. It’s a place for messy tricks to fight for favorites, or likes, or hearts, or whatever the hell we’re calling it now.
It all started when Nicki called Farrah a “cunt” while watching Teen Mom. Backdoor Farrah jumped in and they tweet slapped at each other for a little bit before Nicki tapped out. Backdoor Farrah continued to fight by herself, and yesterday she solidified herself as a serious contender for Parent of the Decade when she got her 6-year-old daughter Sophia Abraham to trash talk Nicki on Twitter.
For those of you who don’t have kids, you should be warned that this clip may speed up your biological clock, because there’s some really heartwarming about watching a little girl say the words her piece of trash mom made her say on the Twitter account her piece of trash mom set up for attention. I feel like I missed out a little as a child, because my mom never used me to fight her stupid battles for her. I’ll bring that up with her the next time I get drunk and decide to share my ~feelings~.
— Sophia Abraham (@SophiaLAbraham) January 12, 2016
Yeah, Backdoor Farrah made her 6-year-old call someone a loser on Twitter. Little Sophia should’ve gotten the Donald Trump campaign to sponsor that tweet, because her future therapy bills are already adding up and she’s going to need the money. Speaking of Trump, Farrah making her child call someone a loser tells me that she should be his running mate. Trump/Abraham 2016!