There was so much fashion fuckery at the MTV VMAs last night, I barely know where to begin! If the Teen Choice Awards are the Middle School dance of awards shows, then the VMA’s are the Junior Prom at an alternative performing arts magnet school. Since it’s high school, I’ll be announcing the winners and losers in several categories. The first category is Most Obvious Genitalia, and that award goes to none other than Nicki Minaj.
A million years ago (in the 90’s, to be more specific), I knew a lot of teen moms growing up and none of them got paid to be on their own damn TV show. Honestly, the only checks they received came from WIC. That all changed in 2009 when MTV’s reality series Teen Mom introduced a bunch of girls with babies into our lives.
Fast forward to 2017 where one of the moms, Amber Portwood, may be following in fellow Teen Mom alum (and Dlisted patron saint of bad decision making) Farrah Abraham into the lovely world of having protein slurpees chucked into her face (AKA porn).
But in Backdoor Farrah’s defense, she’d look like an embarrassing and desperate mess even if she didn’t show up to the MTV Movie & TV Awards in a costume found in the section marked “For Trashy Attention Whores Who Want Quick Attention” at the Haus of Cultural Appropriation.
The last time Backdoor Farrah’s name was farted up onto this blog, I linked to a post about the picture she posted on Instagram of her 7-year-old daughter Sophia drinking Flat Tummy Tea. Whether she really gave her little daughter laxative tea or she was just trolling for attention, I figured that an agent from CPS would still crash through her ceiling, swoop up Sophia and retreat back up into a getaway helicopter. That didn’t happen, because Farrah is still using her daughter as a prop to get attention. And yes, I’m falling for it, but it’s either post about this wreck or do another damn post about the election.
I know it’s redundant of me to even ask, because we all know that Sue Ellen Mischke from Seinfeld has, is, and forever will always work the bra-under-a-blazer look the best. But Amber Rose is coming in a very close second. We all know that Amber Rose has a habit of bringing ten tons of jaw-dropping eleganza to the MTV VMAs. Sometimes she goes straight-up stripper, other times she keeps it a little more demure. This year she went tasteful and sophisticated with just a hint of “Oh, these?”
It looks like Farrah Abraham is going for another “Mother” of the Decade award. (I can’t with good conscience call her a mother without using quotation marks.) This time it has to do with Farrah getting into a fight with an elementary school principal over her decision to send her 7-year-old daughter Sophia to school in a face full of child-grade spackle.