Category: Excuse My Beauty
Alex Rodriguez Is Launching A Makeup Line For Men
I don’t know why Alex Rodriguez always looks like an ovoid Pikachu getting pitched into the sun, but he and his signature camera squint are here to tell us about his new product line, and it’s poised to help erase the rivulets of tears he and his dining room chairs have been crying over his recent breakup with Jennifer Lopez. (JLo: “Speaking of grieving furniture, how about the tears our bed was crying when your free-agent peen was up to bat in other women’s infields?“)
Some think that A-Rod’s new manly makeup line is a diss against JLo’s beauty collection, but this was something planned while they were still together and pouncing on more power-couple business opportunities.
Sam Smith Did A Beauty Video For Vogue And Revealed They Got A Hair Transplant
Sam Smith has been very open about their body image issues. At the tender age of twelve, they got liposuction to remove extra fat from their mammaries (boob area). I mean, that particular preteen trauma takes the cake, but I think we can all relate to hating our bodies at that age.
Now the singer is following in the footsteps of Cheyenne Jackson and confessing they got hair transplant surgery. Sam dropped this tidbit in a recent video for Vogue that details their personal beauty routine. If you’re interested, it’s a mere sixteen minutes long and not once do you have to use your brain! Continue reading
Todd Chrisley Denies That A Plastic Surgeon’s Scalpel Or Filters Are Responsible For His New Fetus Face
On the left is a still shot from a video that 51-year-old Todd Chrisley, the patriarch mess of the reality show Chrisley Knows Best, posted on Instagram back in March. And on the right is a picture that Todd Chrisley posted on Instagram a few days ago and yes it’s allegedly a current picture of him. It’s not some #ThrowbackThursday shit. It looks like Todd Chrisley used a mixture of the Benjamin Button filter and a very essential trip to the plastic surgeon’s office to transform him into a 15-year-old boy circa 1989 who reeks of Cool Water and Irish Spring and only wears Body Glove. But Todd Chrisley would like you to know that his “grow man using the baby Snapchat filter to catfish and catch pedos” look is not the work of a facelift or fillers or anything. Todd Chrisley’s new embryo face is thanks to God’s saliva known as Botox and God himself! “Errr, even I don’t have the powers to transport a face back 35 years,” said God.
Tiffany Haddish Hit Back At The People Who Questioned Her Mental Health Because She Shaved Her Head
In this current era of Stay Home or Die it becomes very easy to get bored quickly. And if you need proof think of the thousands of people who took to beaches this past holiday weekend in an attempt to cure their quarantine blues. They call it a vacation, I call it Russian Roulette with Jesus. And Tiffany Haddish 100% gets that logic because she has decided that home is where the beauty salon is, much to the concern of her many fans. However, Tiffany wasted no time addressing questions regarding her mental health.
Vera Wang Says The Secret To Her Age-Defying Beauty Is Sleep, Work, Vodka, And No Sun
When I first read the headline that Vera Wang was sharing her age-defying beauty secrets, I rolled my eyes so hard, my retinas detached. Like, come on. Vera’s a rich celebrity. I’m sure she just nips and tucks and uses $15,000 anti-aging cream made from the blood of virgin dolphins (a famously smooth animal).
Then I read her age, which is… drumroll, please… 70. SEV-EN-TY. And she’ll be 71 next month! Which means she was born in 1949. The frickin’ WWII decade!
Miranda Kerr Almost Didn’t Date Husband Evan Spiegel Because Of His Dry, Flaky Skin
Miranda Kerr almost didn’t date her husband, Snapchat founder bazillionaire Evan Spiegel, because after taking one look at him, she thought he looked more like Evan Sméagol with his horrid face. Miranda just admitted that she was temporarily un-blinded by the dollar signs shooting out of her eyes (uh huh) when she first met Evan, and she almost passed him over because she couldn’t get down with his Alligator Man skin. That all changed when Miranda decided to do a 90s movie make-over montage to the tune of “Supermodel” on him with (of course) her own line of KORA Organics skin products (PLUG! PLUG! PLUG).