I’ve got to hand it to Evan Rachel Wood. She showed an awful lot of restraint last night on the red carpet of the SAG Awards. Evan showed up on the red carpet in another tuxedo and with a shiny ring on that finger, and she could have debuted it in the most attention-grabbing way, which is of course by posing hard next to her man with her left hand on his chest. But she did not do that.
Evan did attend the SAG Awards with her boyfriend and bandmate, Zach Villa. And she did do a little posing with her new ring, but it was more on the subtle side of things. It was almost more like “What, this thing? Oh, it’s just a silver band I had lying around NBD.” Except that it’s exactly the type of ring that it looks like. Evan’s rep has confirmed to UsWeekly that 29-year-old Evan and 29-yer-old Zach are engaged. She got engaged less than three weeks after her ex-husband Jamie Bell did.
UsWeekly says that both Evan and Zach were wearing rings, but her rep said it’s an engagement situation and not a secret marriage thing. They didn’t just match rings either; both Evan and Zach showed up looking like The Wonder Twins after relocating from Exxor to Los Feliz.
I wonder what their wedding will look like? My guess is they will both walk down the aisle together, singing their vows in unison, then immediately put in a request to change both of their names to Zevan. But I don’t see them doing the wedding cake-smash thing; getting icing so close to their circuit boards would probably void their warranties. They are Westworld replicants, right?
Emma Stone really didn’t have much to say about that junior prom princess dress when she reached Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet of the Golden Globes last night. The face she’s making in that picture above kind of says all that needs to be said, really. It’s very “Please direct all Worst Dressed lists to my stylist.”
Evan Rachel Wood called it quits with her husband Jamie Bell back in 2014, and if I knew anything about the two of them was that they loved to dress like an ironic husband and wife Arcade Fire cover band. I wondered if Evan would ever find someone to join her in hipster band cosplay ever again. Turns out she has. And that person is her fellow real-life band member.
Evan is in an electro-pop duo called Rebel and a Basketcase (yes, named after The Breakfast Club) with a guy named Zach Villa. UsWeekly says they’ve been making more than just pretentious music. They were seen kissing at a party after the Critics’ Choice Awards. Last week they were seen holding hands while walking through an airport in Montreal. Okay, but to be fair, holding hands might not be confirmation that they’re doing it. They might have been holding hands to make sure that neither of them wandered off and got lost in the airport after catching a whiff of delicious poutine.
Evan Rachel Wood hasn’t said if she’s dating V for Villa. But do we really need that? Here are some pictures of ERW and her man at the Los Angeles premiere of Into The Forest back in June. Choosing to show up to an event all matchy-matchy tells us this is way beyond casual thing. Kristen Stewart is looking at these pictures and giving them both a round of apathetic applause for Evan and Zach’s hipster couple commitment. “Matching bleached hair swoops? AND on the same side too? Bravo (sniffles back tears) bravo.”
Natalie Portman is currently knocked up with her second kid, so I can see why she’d want to show up to the Critics’ Choice Awards last night wearing your auntie’s two best tablecloths as a dress. When you’re shuffling down a red carpet for two, your number one priority is comfort. Your legs are tired, your arms are tired, your stomach looks like the overstuffed backpack of an airplane passenger that refuses to check a bag. Sometimes you just want to wear a cape-thing and call it a night.
Natalie took home the Critics’ Choice Award for Best Actress for her Jackie. I like to think Natalie kept with the throwback theme and her ensemble was an homage to 1960s maternity wear. Based on years of research (Joan and Betty’s pregnancies on Mad Men), I believe if you got knocked up in the 1960s you were legally required to dress like a deflated shower gel pouf.
It wasn’t all floaty-fabric capes. There were also floaty-fabric robes too.
Exactly six seconds ago, I posted about how Evan Rachel Wood was bumping chochas with the wet dream crush of her dreams Katherine Moennig and three seconds later they were photographed looking like two raccoons caught in the beam of a flashlight while canoodling outside of a restaurant in West Hollywood. DAMN THEM! MoeWood was supposed to get married, have a baby together, give that baby a hipster name like Leopold Kelp and become my third favorite gayelle couple after Rojo Caliente and Cynthia Nixon, and Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin (RIP). But you know, since lesbians stereotypically move fast, they probably did all of that in the few weeks they were together (“You forgot to make an Indigo Girls joke, you stupid, unoriginal piece of trash” – my lesbian friends) and once they figure out a fair custody arrangement for lil’ baby Leopold Kelp, they’ll divide up their Indigo Girls vinyl collection (“Don’t forget a Home Depot joke too, you dumb mess” – my lesbian friends again) and shred their joint Home Depot charge card.
UsWeekly says that Evan and Katherine broke up recently and one source says that they might be on a break. But ERW is still kind of sad about it since she brought the Lion King into it:
Still, the romance ended as quickly as it started. Earlier this month, Wood cryptically tweeted “…it hurts.” On Nov. 9, she retweeted a quote from The Lion King: “The past can hurt, but the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it.” A source tells Us, however, that the couple may just be taking a break.
If they’re on a break, I wouldn’t blame Katherine for making that break permanent because THE LION KING. Well, but at least ERW didn’t quote Frozen, so I’ll give her that.
ERW’s accountant is totally going to call her this week and have a serious talk with her. Because when shit ended with Marilyn Manson and she went on to Billy Elliot, she burned all of her Dita Von Teese 2.0 outfits and bought new granola hipster clothes so she could match Jamie Bell. And when she moved on from Jamie Bell, she burned all her granola hipster clothes and bought a bunch of black clothes and black eyeliner so she could match Katherine Moennig. So ERW’s accountant is going to tell her that for the sake of her finances, can she please date a nudist next.
Here’s some riveting pictures of hot ass Katherine Moennig at The Paley Center for Media’s annual benefit gala for LGBT equality in L.A. last week.
If you follow Evan Rachel Wood’s Twatter, then you probably already know that she’s #creamedfromeveryorifice over Katherine Moennig before. Last year, ERW tweeted this about a dream she had co-starring Katherine Moennig.
“Stuck in a cab together for hours…” Is that a scissoring gone wrong thing or is it a gayelle sex position I don’t know about?
Well, Page Six says that 27-year-old ERW and 36-year-old Katherine Moennig are getting stuck in cabs together in real-life, because they’re totally doing it. ERW and Katherine showed up to the the Hammer Museum’s annual Gala in the Garden in L.A. (riveting pictures below) on Saturday night and it was obvious that they’re a thing.
They were holding hands and looked very much like a couple.” The source added that the attractive pair headed to a secluded table and “kept close all night.”
A few months ago, Evan Rachel Wood let it be known that she told her husband and baby father Billy Elliot to dance, Billy, dance, dance toward your divorce attorney’s office!
I’m gayer than a glitter bead on Richard Simmons’ pube bush, but Katherine Moennig still does things to me. She’s like Kristen Stewart if Kristen Stewart wasn’t dead inside and wasn’t in-fucking-sufferable. Whenever I watch her on Ray Donovan, it becomes blatantly obvious that Ray Donovan is a TV show not-at-all based on facts. Because every time she yells at or gets mean with one of Ray’s dumb clients, they don’t immediately bust an orgasm in their pants. And when Katherine Moennig yells at you or gets mean with you, busting an orgasm in your pants is a natural reaction.
So I’m totally into WoodMoen, but that doesn’t mean they’re my favorite lesbian couple in Hollywood. That title will forever belong to Cynthia Nixon and Rojo Caliente….unless Morgan Fairchild and Joan Collins start fucking.