Six months have passed since Miranda Kerr married Snapchat billionaire Evan Spiegel in a shamefully understated ceremony for a billionaire. Miranda and Evan admitted they were waiting to have sex with each other until after they were hitched. For anyone who needed confirmation that it actually happened, here you go: Miranda is pregnant.
It might be Fashion Week in New York, but not for Miranda Kerr. In fact, you should be grateful she even showed up for your silly digital magazine’s fashion shoot, Net-a-Porter. Because People magazine says Miranda recently admitted during an interview with Net-a-Porter’s The Edit that she’s stepping back from modeling. And it’s all thanks to her GAZILLIONARE husband, Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel.
Miranda Kerr just gave a dismissive eye-roll to her normal salary as a top model. She’ll probably use those millions to paper her crafting room now that she’s married to Snapchat billionaire Evan Spiegel. She’s struck Silicon Valley gold!
Miranda, 34, and Evan, 26, were married yesterday at their home in Brentwood, CA. The ceremony was described by E! News as “small and intimate” and by People as “lavish and classy.” This means a small crowd (there were 40 guests) got an open bar with really top-shelf booze and definitely had scallops wrapped in bacon. Scallops wrapped in bacon as cocktail hour appetizers are the height of wedding opulence. To me, anyway. Continue reading
Miranda Kerr and billionaire CEO of Snapchat, Evan Spiegel, got engaged last July after dating since 2015. In the time that they’ve been together, Miranda’s vagine has never met Evan’s peen. Miranda, who has definitely fucked before (proof: the baby she made with Orlando Bloom), let the world know in an interview that she and Evan are doing it the Ciara and Russell Wilson way by waiting until marriage. Many of us are sluts around here, so that idea is completely lost on us. On a first date, we don’t even wait until the entrees are served. I know, look at me acting like our first dates happen at a restaurant instead of a motel that rents rooms by the hour. Continue reading
That loud slapping sound you hear is billionaire gold diggers across the globe giving Miranda Kerr a standing ovation while sniffing back tears of pure pride. Not only has Miranda managed to land herself two billionaires (and once been the reason for one of those billionaires to get into a messy front lawn fight with another billionaire), but she recently announced that she’s now engaged to one. AND he’s only 26 years old. Step aside, Mariah; your game is no match for that of Miranda Kerr.
Miranda announced the good news that she’s getting married to her boyfriend of one year, Snapchat founder Evan Spiegel. This will be Evan’s first marriage and Miranda’s second. Miranda is 33, but her engagement announcement seems like it was made by a Snapchat-obsessed 9-year-old girl.
What, was the dog filter too tacky? That is not the engagement announcement I would except from the future wife of a billionaire. First of all, THAT RING! What is it, three, maybe four carats? Is everything okay with your financial situation, Evan? An engagement ring from a billionaire should be so large that it comes with a warning from the Surgeon General not to look at it in direct sunlight without the aid of a pair of disposable solar eclipse glasses. Second, black and white? How am I supposed to know if that’s a red diamond? Don’t tell me that’s just a basic-ass regular diamond. Do billionaires not have access to insanely rare and expensive gemstones anymore? What is the world coming to when a billionaire doesn’t propose with a ring so heavy it will sprain a wrist?