Angelina Jolie Decided To Fulfill Someone’s Feathered 60s Fantasy Last Night (And Other Looks From The Golden Globes)
Almost everyone who walked the Golden Globes red carpet this year wore black to protest Hollywood’s sexual misconduct problem. One thing that wasn’t being protested was good taste. There were a lot of black velvet outfits on that red carpet. Sure, it’s a bit of an obvious choice, but a choice I was absolutely here for, because anything that makes my brain start blasting “Black Velvet” by Alannah Myles gets two thumbs up from me.
But some people went a little more experimental with their all-black interpretation. Like Angelina Jolie, who showed up to the Golden Globes in some goth Lawrence Welk Show realness by Atelier Versace. It’s a little Barbra Streisand at the 1969 Oscars, with a splash of 60s televangelist, all poured onto a fainting couch and garnished with, “But detective, I swear my husband was dead when I found him!”
The gender-reversed Overboard remake that nobody asked for now has a trailer. And after the cut is how I imagine the conversation at the studio went down when discussing this cinematic bowel movement.
The annual Cannes amfAR Gala for AIDS research was held last night, and it’s an event that truly brings out the best attempts in fashion. This is what Nicki Minaj looked like, and I love it all. The Morticia Addams hair paired with the un-dead boudoir eleganza from Roberto Cavalli and the ten pounds of diamonds makes her look like Vampira’s money-hungry hustler sister Scampira. Watch out, rich dudes – she’ll suck the life out of you and your bank account!
The romance of our time has finally been made official! I know all of you, like me, have been waiting for this moment for what feels like a lifetime. The celebrated star of Over Her Dead Body, Eva Longoria, has married the president of Televisa, Jose “Pepe” Antonio Baston. How it isn’t a national holiday, I’m not really sure, Eva is a national treasure. Sorry. I meant she’s like the National Treasure movies – pops up once every couple of years, is cheesy as all hell, but is nonetheless enjoyable.
Eva and Pepe have been together for close to three years and in December he proposed. She threw up a totally not staged, totally spur of the moment, totally spontaneous photo of her and him kissing on her Instagram back then. People is reporting that the two of them finally stopped living in sin and made it official down in Mexico. Despite this being her third marriage, the bride wore white. Her dress was designed by her good friend, Victoria “Posh” Beckham, who, obviously, showed up with David Beckham.
“I’ve been waiting for a day like this my whole life,” is what Eva said to Hola! USA but I’m confused because this is the third day like this she’s had. Is there some kind of 50 First Dates thing going on with her mind? When she dumps a piece does she forget the whole time they spent together? I’m worried. Something is going on here… Anyway, not my problem! Guests included Ricky Martin, Melanie Griffith and Mario Lopez. But the real icing on the cake is that Eva’s Desperate Housewives co-star Vanessa Williams made a surprise appearance when she came out to sing her song “Save the Best for Last“. I’m going to assume that’s Vanessa’s sly way of saying “hopefully, third time’s a fucking charm” to Eva.