Since bitterness and cynicism are the not-so-secret ingredients that keep the frostbitten bag of rotten vulture gizzards I call a heart nice and frozen, I truly let out an, “Oh my fucking GOD no!“, while watching last night’s Emmys when I realized that a live wedding proposal was about to go down. And also because bitterness and cynicism are the not-so-secret ingredients that keep the frostbitten bag of rotten vulture gizzards I call a heart nice and frozen, I screamed, “Please let her say NO,” right after. But she didn’t, and the icy turd in my chest may or may not have melted a little when she said yes. DAMMIT! I hate feeling things.
Technically, I should’ve posted a picture of Britney Spears and her boyfriend Sam Asghari together, but I think we are all deserving of a hard earned world break, so I’m just gonna leave this photo of YMCA construction man Sam here and let it marinate in your down low parts.
Because Britney Spears hasn’t learned anything from not being able to shake Kevin Federline‘s annoying ass from her life after they were married for only three years, US Weekly is certain that Brit Brit is about to make her hot model/fitness instructor boyfriend Mr. Brit Brit Spears the Third. Brit and Sam could soon be hitched to each other’s well toned and well baby oiled parts for all of eternity (er, or until they get sick of grinding on each other’s said parts), as an engagement announcement is expected within the next year. Continue reading
Sigh, I guess I’ll have to stop writing my Taylor Swift–Karlie Kloss lesbian fan fiction account on LiveJournal. Oh, who am I kidding? I saw Carol – I don’t have to stop shit! Karlie has been dating Joshua Kushner, the tree-hugging, healthcare-providing Kushner that is the brother of Jared Kushner, the husband of Ivanka Trump who also works in the White House. Yes, but will Taylor be in the wedding party or, the horror, even get an invite?! Continue reading
Page Six reports that Ariana Grande has been spotted with her sixth and newest Pete Davisdon tattoo since the couple hooked up two months and began their nauseating TMI and tattoo crime spree. How do we know that Ariana’s new tattoo is a direct homage to her fiancee? It’s his 10 inch dick curling around her face. No, but it is his second most defining characteristic, and that’s the word “Pete” on her marrying finger. Continue reading
If your Sunday ritual of eating oatmeal and reading the newspaper while listening to “A Prairie Home Companion” was rudely interrupted by the Emergency Broadcast System this morning, here’s why. TMZ had to cut in to give the world the breaking news that Justin Bieber has become engaged to Hailey Baldwin! Somebody check on Selena Gomez, because she either pulled a back muscle from dodging that bullet, or she’s working on a plan to upstage Justin’s engagement by getting her friend Justin Theroux to drop to a knee and put a ring on that finger in front of the paps. Continue reading
Some memaws have their oversized white cotton knickers in a twist (up around their armpits) today over the fact that young innocent precious 34-year-old Katharine McPhee is engaged to 68-year-old millionaire daddy David Foster, a man exactly twice her age. Well, Vulture tells us that Katharine pretty much yawned off her haters with a short tweet