The badge trumps the vag! 56-year-old Rosie O’Donnell got secret engaged over the summer to her 33-year-old Woostah (also known as Worcester), Massachusetts police officer girlfriend, Elizabeth Rooney. The two have kept it hush-hush until now because Elizabeth is a cop and tries keep details of her life involving Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s BFF on the DL since there’s nothing worse than trying to arrest someone who is like, “Hey, aren’t you the fuzz getting married to that ladywho quit The View twice?” Well, Liz-with-a-z’s job commitment might also be preventing the two from shacking up in the same house. See? That U-Haul lesbian stereotype is false!
It feels like only one month and six days ago it was reported on this very site, that Eddie Murphy, is expecting his tenth child to be born. Well, for those of us that wish this site was dedicated to Axel Foley and streamed the Axel F theme 24/7 (AKA “theme to the hamster wheel that is my brain“), here is some more exciting news! Eddie Murphy’s balance of babies born to his wives versus babies born to Spice Girls and other flings is about to tip the scales. People reports that Eddie and his pregnant girlfriend, Australian actress person Paige Butcher, are now engaged to be married.
Just one year and one month after announcing his marriage to Anna Faris was as much a thing of the past as his lumpy Andy Dwyer body, Chris Pratt might be ready to get married again. And his next wife might be Katherine Schwarzenegger. Papa Arnold, better get your biceps sized for a tuxedo now; you don’t want to bust a seam while offering your arm to your little girl right before you walk down the aisle.
One of the brighter spots during the Emmys was when director Glenn Weiss won the award for Outstanding Directing for a Variety Special, and he turned his acceptance speech into a wedding proposal. His girlfriend of seven years, Jan Svendsen, said yes, and all of us at home believed in true love once again. Except the thing is, not everyone might’ve been swooning over Glenn’s public proposal. According to Page Six, Glenn’s two daughters didn’t exactly love finding out about their dad’s proposal on television with the rest of us.
Since bitterness and cynicism are the not-so-secret ingredients that keep the frostbitten bag of rotten vulture gizzards I call a heart nice and frozen, I truly let out an, “Oh my fucking GOD no!“, while watching last night’s Emmys when I realized that a live wedding proposal was about to go down. And also because bitterness and cynicism are the not-so-secret ingredients that keep the frostbitten bag of rotten vulture gizzards I call a heart nice and frozen, I screamed, “Please let her say NO,” right after. But she didn’t, and the icy turd in my chest may or may not have melted a little when she said yes. DAMMIT! I hate feeling things.
Technically, I should’ve posted a picture of Britney Spears and her boyfriend Sam Asghari together, but I think we are all deserving of a hard earned world break, so I’m just gonna leave this photo of YMCA construction man Sam here and let it marinate in your down low parts.
Because Britney Spears hasn’t learned anything from not being able to shake Kevin Federline‘s annoying ass from her life after they were married for only three years, US Weekly is certain that Brit Brit is about to make her hot model/fitness instructor boyfriend Mr. Brit Brit Spears the Third. Brit and Sam could soon be hitched to each other’s well toned and well baby oiled parts for all of eternity (er, or until they get sick of grinding on each other’s said parts), as an engagement announcement is expected within the next year. Continue reading