Tyler Perry’s Acrimony may have been described as “A ludicrously scattershot drama in which overwrought feminine rage, diary-of-a-mad-woman craziness, and inept filmmaking are all but inseparable”, but I doubt 47-year-old Taraji P. Henderson is too pressed about that right now. She just got engaged to her boyfriend of 2 years, 34-year-old former NFL player Kelvin Hayden.
The erroneously named rapper 2 Chainz (more like 22 Chainz, amiright?) proposed to his girlfriend of many years and three babies, Kesha Ward on the steps of the Met Gala. 2 Chaiz, who’s born name is Tauheed Epps, used to go by the charming stage name Tity Boi. Kesha and 2 Chainz have been together since 2006 but Chainz had not been invited to a public enough event to make it official previous to last night’s ball.
Earlier today, Michelle Williams (the Destiny’s Child one) hopped announced on Instagram that on March 21st, her boyfriend Chad Johnson (not the Ochocinco one) popped the question. How kind of Michelle Williams to wait until after Beyoncé’s big day before announcing her engagement. I know everyone makes Poor Michelle jokes, but it’s obvious that Michelle wasn’t being ignored all those years; she’s just a selfless soul who doesn’t attempt to upstage others.
Michelle shared a gallery of engagement pictures on Instagram, and wrote:
“On March 21, 2018, the love of my life @chadjohnson77 proposed and I said ‘Yesssssssss…..I will, I will, I will!!!'”
Chad, who is a pastor, proposed on vacation with a ring he’d been saving up eleven years for. Please note: Chad and Michelle have only been dating for about a year. Chad says he started saving after turning 30 and feeling “so lonely.” So he put $150 a month into a ring account to be used for his future fiancée.
Michelle doesn’t say when the wedding will be, or if any of Destiny’s Children will be her bridesmaids. But you know Beyoncé will be invited, which will no doubt make things awkward for God up in heaven that day. “My faithful servant Chad, blessings be to you on your – OMG is that Beyoncé in the front row?! Jesus, get over here and look!”
Everybody has that one friend who is always trying to do too much. They want to celebrate their birthday, but instead of just going for dinner and drinks they want to do some expensive ass, multiple day, out of town shit and if you say you can’t go you’re labeled a “bad friend”. Well, Gwyneth Paltrow is that friend times a million.
Marc Jacobs decided that he’s ready to make an honest man out of his current boyfriend, Charly Defrancesco, so he popped the question. Marc Jacobs has always seemed fun (you’ve got to have a sense of humor if you permanently put Spongebob skipping across your bicep), but who knew that he also has the aesthetic of a theater club teenager attempting to pull off their school’s most-gossiped about promposal?
On Wednesday night, Marc dropped down on one knee in a NYC Chipotle (he must be saving Taco Bell for the wedding) as a group of excited strangers danced to “Kiss” by Prince. It also happened to be Charly’s birthday. A public proposal on a birthday with a flashmob in a Chipotle? That’s cornier than the corn I always find in my carnitas burrito despite specifically asking for there to be none. Marc put the whole thing on Instagram:
Tag yourself. I’m the lady with the bun and the red purse in the back trying desperately not to draw attention to themselves while probably thinking, “Goddamnit Brad, I told you I wanted to order in.”
But of all the effort that was put into that proposal, nobody thought to hide the ring in the food? What’s the point of getting engaged at Chipotle if you’re not going to reach into your meal and pull out a ring with sour cream and rice while one of your dancers runs to the bathroom.
I guess Brandi Glanville was wrong, or Joanna Krupa’s alleged stank puss has wooed another. Joanna Krupa (of the now dead Real Housewives of Miami) managed to two-step over from the divorce attorney’s office to the justice of the peace, as she’s got a new man and a new rock on that finger. Continue reading