I don’t know what Emmy Rossum and Cameron Monaghan are supposed to be looking at in this shot taken during the filming of Showtime’s Shameless. But I do know where their eyes are now, and that’s on anything besides a future Shameless script.
Kim Kardashian is still suffering the fallout from her Instagram stories where she was soooooo happy that her sisters compared her body to that of an anorexic person. Currently, she is being dragged by a few Hollywood actresses for her tacky obsession with being 119 pounds and I am chomping down on popcorn watching it happen.
Because of the billions upon billions of stories from people who have been preyed on by powerful trash men, Hollywood as we know it is burning down to the ground. And lurking in the smoke and flames is Hollywood’s future: ANGELYNE!
My headline is a bit misleading (What else is new?), because when I think of an “Angelyne TV series,” I prolapse from butt orgasming over the thought of an Angelyne reality show starring Angelyne. This isn’t a reality show and it’s not going to star Angelyne herself. It’ll be a scripted limited-series starring Emmy Rossum and it’ll be based on The Hollywood Reporter’s riveting tale of Angelyne’s transformation from Polish refugee to the candy-dipped Queen of Los Angeles. Hey, I’ll take an Angelyne TV series anyway it comes.
Another famous brunette got married over the long weekend, and much like Miranda Kerr’s wedding, this one also involves a dude who knows a lot about technology and watching people through iPhone cameras and…uh…I’m sorry, I’ve never seen Mr. Robot and I don’t use Snapchat.
This is starting to feel like a page from People StyleWatch. “The hottest trend in celebrity jewelry? Coming home and finding all of it missing!” Just like Nicki Minaj, Alanis Morissette, Kendall Jenner and Jamie Pressly, Emmy Rossum has found herself without a whole lot of jewelry. TMZ says that Emmy’s Los Angeles home was broken into while she was away in NYC. According to law enforcement sources, Emmy’s housekeeper showed up to work last Friday only to find broken panes of glass on the back door, no power, and a theft situation. Emmy had two safes in her home, and both were wide open and empty. $150,000 in antique jewelry was taken.
Police think the burglars cut the power so that the house alarm wouldn’t go off. As for how they broke into those safes, they didn’t exactly have to work very hard to get into them. TMZ’s sources say that Emmy kept the combinations right next to each safe. Whether or not she had also painted giant arrows on the floor leading to the safes is still unknown.
I know people keep saying that this isn’t a Bling Ring situation, but I don’t know. An awful lot of celebrities keep getting robbed of their (deep cringe) bling. I just hope that whoever gets robbed next is smart enough to memorize the combination to their safe. This is a teachable moment for all of us, really. If you get a safe, don’t write the combo down and put it next to the safe. Instead, program in an easy-to-memorize combination. Something like 666, or 6969, or 3636. That last is easy to remember because it kind of sounds like “free sex free sex.” At least make your burglars work for it, you know?
Emmy Rossum, who plays Fiona Gallagher on Showtime’s tv show Shameless, wants to get paid as much as her co-star William H. Macy. Until that happens, we’re not getting an eighth season of trashy family adventure. Until the Showtime execs drop some coin in her piggy bank, the show will be as frozen as the cold Chicago winter (er, that’s where the show takes place)!