During a recent appearance on The Graham Norton Show, gay mafia granddaddy Elton John revealed that Eminem gave him and his husband David Furnish diamond cock rings as wedding presents! Rather than being a revealing insight into Eminem’s private life or societal views, this actually just fills me with jealousy. Not one person got me a diamond cock ring when I got married. It wasn’t even a gift at the wedding shower. Am I not worthy of that sort of luxury? Continue reading
Back in August, Pink was over in London promoting her new music, and the hosts of a radio station asked her the most life-affirming question of our time: Team Taylor Swift or Team Katy Perry. She responded, but now she regrets it. Continue reading
Eminem is back, and he’s mad. A nearly five-minute long video of a freestyle performed by Eminem in a parking garage in Detroit was aired during the 2017 BET Hip-Hop Awards last night. The subject of which is the petulant orange nuisance in the White House throwing Twitter tantrums.
I don’t believe there’s a section on Suge Knight’s Wikipedia page of people he’s allegedly tried to have killed (because just like many things before it, I’m sure that’s something he would try to make disappear). But in the event that one was recently added, it looks like we can go ahead and add Eminem’s name to it.
I’ve known that the 90s are making a comeback, but now I really know that the 90s are giving us an encore performance, because Eminem rapped out some foolery that’s got people mad. Seen above looking like a plastic Fred Astaire figure melting in the sun at the WSJ Innovator Awards last week, The Real Slim Shady’s name is smeared all over headlines today for freestyle rapping about how he wants to punch Lana Del Rey in the face twice like Ray Rice. In a freestyle video called SHADY CXVPHER, 42-year-old Eminem inducted Llama Del Taco into the Celebrities That Eminem Has Shit On In A Song Club by dribbling out this oh-so-edgy-you-need-special-gloves-to-touch-it lyric (via Billboard):
But I may fight for gay rights, especially if they dyke is more of a knockout than Janay Rice/Play nice? Bitch I’ll punch Lana Del Rey right in the face twice, like Ray Rice in broad daylight in the plain sight of the elevator surveillance/’Til her head is banging on the railing, then celebrate with the Ravens
If you need to see and hear the whole video, here it is below and it includes a bit about Mah Boo Anderson Cooper having butt sex with a tuba.
But back to LDR, some say that The Slim Shady can have a seat in the back, because he’s downplaying domestic violence. Others say that he’s really making fun of Ray Rice and it’s just a joke. And others say that since it’s a freestyle, he’s just trying to be controversial like always and threw together a bunch of words that rhyme. If Eminem really didn’t want to get that much attention and didn’t want to say that he wants to punch out Lana Del Rey, here’s some other options that rhyme with “day“:
– a big pile of hay
– a bitchy manta ray
– lemon puree
– Marv Albert’s toupee
– Michael K
Lana Del Rey hasn’t said anything about this, but two years ago she fangirl’d over Eminem during an interview and in her song Ultraviolence she sings the lyric “he hit me and it felt like a kiss,” which is the title from a Phil Spector-produced song by The Crystals. LDR probably won’t care, but if she does, then at least she knows that Azealia Banks will mouth punch The Real Slim Shady for her.
Thanks Azealia. Thanks for punching me in the face with the image of Eminem slobbering out a drool stream of Hot Pockets tomato sauce on his sister’s titty.
Well, one way to get people talking about your ass on Twitter is to go on TV and look like you’re sitting on a toilet and trying to figure out how shitting works while your body has been paralyzed from eating 5 pot brownies. Eminem was on ESPN’s Michigan-Notre Dame halftime show yesterday to promote the video for his single “Berzerk” and he trolled those hos by acting like John Travolta in a field of vaginas. Don’t make ANY sudden moves or the vaginas may jump at you.
It must be the year 2000 again since Eminem’s got that Slim Shady hair and is giving awkward interviews, so I’m going to go watch a brand new episode of Cleopatra 2525 while drinking Pepsi Twist.