Category: Elon Musk

The Loyal Twitter Employee Who Was Seen Sleeping On The Floor Last Year Has Been Fired

February 28, 2023 / Posted by:

Do you remember last year when we found out Elon Musk turned the main offices at Twitter into the worse bed and breakfast in San Francisco? There was even a lovely selection of brochure photos showing the living quarters and a glowing review from one of his most diligent workers, Esther Crawford. As she lay snugly nestled inside a sleeping bag on the floor, shielding her eyes from the embarrassment of being that stupid, she wanted everyone to rest assured, knowing she was doing whatever it took for the betterment of the team. Well, Esther, the team thanks you. And what better way to show gratitude than by giving you your walking papers because in the words of another pasty, pale-faced man baby named Donald Trump, “You’re fired“.

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After Elon Musk’s Super Bowl Tweet Flopped, He Made Engineers Change The Algorithm To Boost His Tweets

February 15, 2023 / Posted by:

During Sunday’s Super Bowl, Elon Musk tweeted, “Go @Eagles!!!” with a bunch of American flag emojis. A couple of hours later, he deleted it. Was Elon embarrassed the Philadelphia Eagles lost? Nope. He was embarrassed that his tweet only got 9.1 impressions (views), while Joe Biden’s pro-Eagles tweet got 29 million. That night, a pissed-off Elon flew his private jet back to the Bay Area to “demand answers” from Twitter employees. According to Platformer, Elon threatened to fire his remaining engineers unless they built a system to promote his tweets. On Monday afternoon, when people who hadn’t blocked Elon Musk (fools!) opened Twitter, their timelines were filled with Elon posts. To quote the original Buzz Lightyear, “You are a sad, strange little man.”

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Elon Musk Is Now The Guinness World Record Holder Of The Biggest Financial Loss By One Person

January 12, 2023 / Posted by:

If the word “regret” were a person, it would be Scream mask faced Elon Musk. His financial woes began as soon as he decided he wanted to assassinate Twitter, and it is a move that has literally been costing him billions of dollars. And now, one of the worst decisions in history since the movie version of Cats has gotten Elon the prestigious distinction of entering the Guinness Book of World Records with the “largest loss of personal fortune,” and I can guarantee you this isn’t something he’ll be quick to tweet about.

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Elon Musk Polled Users On If He Should Step Down As The Head Of Twitter With Unsurprising Results

December 19, 2022 / Posted by:

Could it be that our internet-age Icarus has, at long last, flew too close to the sun? In this case, the sun being Dave Chappelle’s white-hot dragon breath? Because not only did Elon Musk get his ass torched by ten minutes of sustained booing, it looks like he’s had his eyelashes singed off too so now he looks even more like Dr. Evil dressed up as Pennywise the Clown for a costume party at Twitter HQ but is now standing outside in the rain arguing with the bouncer that he doesn’t need an invitation (it’s his party, dammit), before being led away by security, his comically large rubber shoes squeaking the entire time, much to the delight of the crowd of revelers who just unanimously voted that he should be 86’ed from Club Twitterverse for good.

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Twitter Has Suspended The Accounts Of Several Journalists Who Wrote About Elon Musk

December 16, 2022 / Posted by:

Elon Musk said he would protect everyone’s right to freedom of speech once he grabbed Twitter by the neck and made it his bitch, but we knew that was a lie. And in keeping true to his commitment to making sure Twitter burns to the ground, he has now targeted many high-profile journalists from various media outlets like CNN and the New York Times. Of course, Elon understands their frustrations and has found a way to address their concerns. HA! No, he didn’t. Instead, he did what most corroded jerks do when they can’t handle the truth by suspending their accounts without any explanation.

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Elon Musk Has Been Downgraded To Forbes’ SECOND Richest Person In The World

December 14, 2022 / Posted by:

Poor Elon Musk. No, literally, POOR Elon Musk because he can no longer claim the title of Forbes’ richest person in the world since he has been dethroned! I would say this is just a bit of karma for his continuous efforts to murder Twitter before the end of the year. But let’s not begin checking our pockets for loose change to throw at his elongated face just yet. Because although he may not be number one anymore, he’s still every kind of rich by securing the number two spot with a paltry $181.3 billion.

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