Is anyone else suddenly picturing Elisabeth Moss covered in a boatload of scarves and accessories from Claire’s while sporting questionable dental hygiene? Johnny Depp is super-busy trying to pry $50 million out of Aquaman’s girlfriend’s pocketbook so he doesn’t have a lot of time to act in movies anymore. Hence the news that plucky Scientologist Moss might be replacing him as the main attraction in Universal’s upcoming Invisible Man, according to Variety.
If John Travolta and Kelly Preston are the Kate and William of Scientology’s royal couples, then Beck and Marissa Ribisi are the Meghan and Harry. But as Prince Charles proved (or Tom Cruise in this scenario), there’s no actual law prohibiting a royal divorce. Lifelong Scientologists Beck and Marissa (both were raised by believers), are proving once and for all, that all is possible Under His Eye (L.Ron’s eye in this scenario). Quick, somebody needs to run tell Jenna Elfman that just because you’re a dyed in the wool Scientologist, it doesn’t mean you have to spend an earth eternity living in miserable marriage in the name of Going Clear.
Cleaning crews at The Beverly Hilton are probably still vacuuming up the shards of glitter that flew off of Billy Porter when he twirled in that amazing technicolor dreamcape, and are mopping up the Fiji water that people spewed out after realizing they were in the presence of the one and only Fiji Water Girl, and are disinfecting the floor after hundreds of people shit themselves as Baroness Jamie Lee Haden-Guest (seriously, she’s a baroness) sashayed onto the red carpet and they thought, “Damn, Brigitte Nielsen is looking hot after birthing out a baby!” People probably shit out everything in their system and are going to need some probiotics to get their guts good again. I see what you did there Queen of Activia!
There’s nothing a basic #woke white huss loves more than to say how Jordan Peele’s Get Out transformed cinema with its message of race relations and proving what I’ve thought for years: Allison Williams is one shifty bitch. Jordan has hinted he was working on a movie for a while now, and he finally dropped the trailer (co-starring the return of I Got 5 On It) for that movie – called Us – on Christmas. Thanks, Santa? In short, its message is to prove we’re our own worst enemy. Well, no shit, Sherlock.
That didn’t take long. It was only yesterday when MGM, the studio behind The Handmaid’s Tale, announced it would start hawking very on-brand merchandise for the show: wine! Y’know, because Gilead is all about the handmaids and barren wives tossing back a few at the country club and having a good ol’ laugh about living in oppression with a bunch of looney tune men with Napoleon complexes. Social media naturally lost its shit over the boozy attempts by a show that leaves us all feeling like shit each week and in need of a cocktail (hey, maybe they weren’t that far off the mark?). MGM has now decided to pull the cork, er, plug on the wine. Dammit, I was looking forward to Aunt Lydia two-buck chuck down at Trader Joe’s. Continue reading
(“Well, that’s rich coming from you, Erika Christensen!” –documentaries critical of Scientology)
Nothing puts a bee in the bonnet of a Scientologist like media reports that it’s a bit eccentric or documentaries shining a light on how members are often fleeced of life savings or how the Scientology bathhouse only gets cleaned every other hour. Y’know, typical religious critique. Erika went on Dax Shepard’s Armchair Expert podcast the other day to say she’s not here for anyone to mock her way of life unless you’ve read the full texts of L. Ron Hubbard. Continue reading