Category: Egor Tarabasov

Lindsay Lohan Told Her Dad That She’s Really Got A Fetus Growing In Her Body

July 27, 2016 / Posted by:

As Lindsay Lohan got back to her full-time job of lounging on a yacht in Europe, her piece of trash father Michael Lohan got back to his full-time job of spitting out private bits of her life to the media for coins. Michael Lohan told everyone yesterday that he believes that his daughter and her maybe-cheating and violent Russian piece spawned. And today, Michael said that LiLo told him in a text message that a fetus is really in her womb where it’s probably sipping on some vodka-infused amniotic fluid.

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Lindsay Lohan Apologizes For Airing Her Personal Shit On Instagram

July 26, 2016 / Posted by:

If Lindsay Lohan’s private life was a room, its walls would be glass, it wouldn’t have a door and outside of it would hang a neon blinking sign that read, “LOOK AT ME” But after the train wreck situation with her alleged cheating and beating Russian fiancé went down, she put a privacy sign on her private life and asked everyone to respect it. But today, LiLo removed that privacy sign for a second to say sowwy for accusing her piece Egor Tarabasov of dipping his untrue dick into a Russian hooker’s leased cooch.

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Michael Lohan Has Threatened Lindsay Lohan’s Fiance With An Ass Whooping

July 26, 2016 / Posted by:

Yesterday, Lindsay Lohan publicly requested privacy regarding the infomercial steam cleaner-sized messy situation with her fiancé Egor Tarabsov. But she didn’t say anything about leaking typo-filled text messages threatening to kick her fiancé’s ass from her father. Lindsay, you’ve really got to be more specific when it comes to your family.

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It’s Like The Samantha Ronson Days All Over Again….

July 25, 2016 / Posted by:

It seemed like for a quick minute or two the world’s one-time leading producer of fuckery, Lindsay Lohan, was laying low and that the messiness in her messy life had settled down a bit. But over the weekend, she let out a freckled storm of foolery when she claimed in several Instagram posts that her Russian trust fund fiancé piece Egor Tarabasov had done her wrong by passing his peen to a Russian prostitution whore-ah. Child services in London also called a red siren emergency meeting when LiLo made it seem like an actual living thing is growing in her womb. Reading LiLo’s incoherent Instagram posts made me think that maybe Apple should install a feature that locks you out of all of your social media accounts when you put your finger on your iPhone and it detects that you’ve got massive amounts of mind-altering substances flowing through you. But then again if Apple did that, use on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat would plummet since it seems like 50% of the people posting on social media are drunk or cracked out. And yes, I’m including myself in that 50%.

LiLo becoming someone’s mother is serious, serious business, but shit got really serious and darker when The Sun posted a grainy video of her screaming on the balcony of her fancy London flat about how her Russian piece allegedly choked her out and tried to kill her. The video made my brain flashback to 2009 when LiLo and SamRo used to reenact scenes from Casino in front of the paps.

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Lindsay Lohan Accused Her Fiancé Of Cheating And Claimed That She’s Pregnant

July 24, 2016 / Posted by:

Lindsay Lohan, perhaps unsatisfied with the amount of attention that her most recent Instagram foolery (think mail-order brides for peace) afforded her, called her fiancé out for cheating in a multi-platform social media meltdown. In multiple posts, Linds begged her Russian millionaire betrothed Egor Tarabasov to come home from the club, and accused him of cheating on her with a Russian hooker. Isn’t that sort of thing how she met him? Oh, and she also claimed that she’s pregnant. I’ll wait while you microwave a breakfast burrito because a lot went down.

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Lindsay Lohan May Have Polluted The Aegean Sea

July 12, 2016 / Posted by:

And no, I don’t mean that she polluted it by getting in it.

Not since that one king threw himself into the ocean after thinking that his son died while trying to kill a roided-up man bull (aka the Minotaur) has the Aegean Sea seen so much drama. Lindsay Lohan celebrated her 30th birthday in Mykonos, Greece last week, and no LiLo party is complete until she’s dragged out of that bitch kicking and spitting after getting into a fight with her piece. LiLo’s one-time employer The Sun says that my pick for Britain’s new PM and her Russian trust fund fiancee Egor Tarabasov got into a messy tussle in front of 70 guests (including her leech dad Michael Lohan, The Curious Case of Ali Lohan and Egor’s mom) at a beach club in Mykonos.

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