Justin Bieber and Ed Sheeran are the Wonder Twins of MCMs for twelve year olds, so naturally when they combine forces the infinite rise of decibels from their screaming fans is certain to turn the entire planet deaf. And perhaps being deaf right about now wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing since they’ve both collaborated on a song you will be hearing at every boardwalk and Six Flags in America this summer titled “I Don’t Care.” Which may also be your feelings about this song.
Even though my ears and my eyes are deathly allergic to Ed Sheerhan (I had to snort 2 rails of Benadryl before tackling this story), I can concede that despite his oatmeal dander, he seems like a nice enough dude. And just to prove it, Ed did us all a favor. He went and got secret married, with nary a “hoop” nor a “la” to be seen. According to The Sun, Ed married his childhood sweetheart, Cherry Seaborn, at his country estate in Suffolk just before Christmas. There were only about 40 guests in attendance, and his home-scratch Taylor Swift was not one of them.
It could be said that Ed Sheeran oftentimes looks like the mascot for hitting the snooze button 12 times and grabbing whatever looks cleanest off the floor. And as a society, we’re generally okay with that. Except for last Sunday, when Ed showed up to the Global Citizen Festival in Johannesburg, South Africa for a performance with Beyoncé. The internet roasted Ed up for his wardrobe choices, and Ed recently responded to that.
Most pediatricians recommended in the past trying to put your squealing baby to sleep with the soothing music of Beethoven or Mozart. Alas, thanks to bored researchers with way too much time on their hands, the Irish warbling about crack and hookers and boning of OG member of the Shire, Ed Sheeran, is also a near-guarantee to put your ass in a coma. Better luck next year, Bon Iver.
The New York Post says a study from the University of Sheffield states that 62% of people listen to music in order to rid their head of anxiety caused by work, how they’re going to pay for rent, or why that dude from Grindr never responded to a dick pic. The study included 545 musical artists, and – shock of shocks! – Ed was the second-most listened to for lyrical Sleepytime Tea, after Bach. Don’t worry, other bland white dudes. Rounding out the top six were Mozart, Brian Eno, Coldplay and then Chopin.
Classical music was unshockingly the most popular go-to for bedtime, but people also liked rock, pop, and acoustic. I guess that means everyone is pulling up a Starbucks Spotify playlist to pair with their Ambien. What is a little interesting, though, is that some people go to sleep with metal, house, or electronic music. So the next time you’re on acid at a Tiesto rager, kids, just remember: keep it quiet because you’re in the middle of someone’s lullabye!
Russians may have meddled with the 2016 election by trolling bitches on Twitter, but that may have been small potatoes compared to what Little Monsters will do to make sure Lady Gaga has a number 1 slot at the box office this weekend with A Star Is Born. Early feedback from A Star Has Born has basically been that all other movies should just wait until 2019 to come out because ASIB is going to win all the Oscars…and not just because Beyoncé was no longer attached to it. For some reason, Gaga fans felt threatened by the Marvel crowd because they got pissed over the Tom Hardy and Michelle Williams-led Venom opening the same weekend as Gaga and Bradley Cooper’s BY FAR BEST MOVIE EVER. Now some are saying Gaga stans are taking their Ed Sheeran ire and redirecting it by trolling Venom.
Ed Sheeran seems pretty harmless, but according to the company that partly owns the rights to the late Marvin Gaye’s song “Let’s Get It On,” he’s a shady plagiarizer who ripped off Marvin for his song “Thinking Out Loud.” The Guardian says that Ed is now facing a copyright infringement lawsuit, and the “Let’s Get It On” people want to be compensated to the tune of $100 million.