Open Post: Hosted By The Trailer For Ryan Murphy’s “Hollywood”

Move over Quentin Tarantino, it’s Ryan Murphy’s turn to monkey with Hollywood history! And because it’s Ryan, it features twinks instead of toes. The first full trailer is here for Ryan’s upcoming Netflix Original series, Hollywood. According to Indiewire, the show takes place post WWII and “presents an alternative version of history wherein actors and writers of color are more openly part of the Hollywood studio system,” but apparently, uggos still need not apply. The show stars Darren Criss, Dylan McDermott, Patti LuPone, newcomers David Corenswet and Jeremy Pope, Justin Theroux’s rumored former fling Laura Harrier, Mrs. Sarah Paulson Holland Taylor and Jim Parsons. It also features Jake Picking as Rock Hudson and Queen Latifah as Hattie McDaniel, suggesting that Ryan finally learned the hard way not to fuck with Hollywood legends who are still alive. The show is written and directed by Janet Mock (Pose) and features a gas station where, for the right price, you can get your tank filled up with premium unleaded assoline.

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Open Post: Hosted By Zoe Kravitz Serving Up Caught In The Net Messiness

I almost typed “methiness.” That works too.

I’m also with Theo James (the dude in the poster). When I look at Zoe Kravitz’s hair, I too don’t know if I want to slather it with soy sauce and take a huge bite out of it since it looks like an overstuffed spicy tuna roll. Or slather it with lube, pat my b-hole thrice for good luck and bounce on it.

Last night was the NYC premiere of the second movie in the Divergent series, the franchise that is the Rita Ora to The Hunger Games’ RiRi. Nearly everybody showed up looking a wreck (see the fuckery in gallery). Maggie Q came dressed as a bordello-owning villainess who wears the scalped hair of her victims on her dress. Dylan McDermott wore the half-assed Neo from The Matrix costume that every dude wore in 1999. And Shailene Woodley somehow managed to make one of Walter Mercado’s favorite funeral-going pantsuits look dull and boring. But Zoe Kravitz was the biggest wreck of them all. Leave it to Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet’s daughter to show those hos how messiness is really done.

If the Gorton’s Fisherman did a line of goth stripper clothes for Frederick’s, that ensemble on Zoe would be the crown jewel of his collection. Zoe is kind of like a walking sex party. You can use her hair as a dildo, her dress as a sex hammock and those fringes as whips. Whenever you make assholes and coochies pucker with your hairstyle, you won the night.

Pics: Wenn.com

Dylan McDermott Is Getting Married To His “Stalker” Co-Star Maggie Q

I thought I’d put the word “stalker” in quotes, just in case you weren’t familiar with the TV show Stalker and you thought Dylan McDermott was getting married to some random woman named Maggie Q that he met after finding her creeping around in the bushes behind his house. But it’s actually his co-star from that CSI: Stalkerville show that I would totally watch if I wasn’t already 3 seasons deep into Full House on Netflix.

Page Six says that after dating for a couple months, Dylan McDermott – a man I always confuse for Dermot Mulroney, who I then in turn confuse for Rupert Everett, because I am dumb – and Maggie Q (passport name: Margaret Quigley) are engaged. The two had apparently been seeing each other on the down-low since last fall, but the jig was up when she rolled in to a Golden Globes afterparty on Sunday night wearing a ring on THAT finger.

The cynic in me is already thinking up headlines for when these two realize they’ve made a terrible mistake and haul ass to Divorce Court, while the sappy bitch who cries during every episode of Say Yest to the Dress in me is already thinking of the romantic ways Maggie Q could take Dylan’s last name. So far I’ve got Maggie QMCD, Maggie Q-D, and Maggie Q Mulroney. Wait, who the fuck is she marrying again? Madonna’s sperm donor from The Next Best Thing, right? Goddamnit, I did it again.