Category: Dumbasses

Open Post: Hosted By The 28-Year-Old Woman Who Was Arrested For Pretending To Be A High School Student To Promote Her Instagram

May 13, 2021 / Posted by:

Everyone says that the reboot is usually shittier than the original and that’s the case with this story. Because this redo of Never Been Kissed is awful! A 28-year-old grown woman decided it would be a great idea to pose as an underage high school student in order to promote her Instagram account. I think we finally found an action to gain clout which is somehow more stupid and reckless than licking a toilet.

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Gwyneth Paltrow’s Very Goopy Cruise Will Save The Cruise Industry In 2022

May 1, 2021 / Posted by:

Start counting your cooch couch coins now, because legendary feminist, yoga inventor, and gleeful shover of random objects up her snatch, Gwyneth Paltrow, is plotting her very own Fyre Festival on the high seas, and those of us who missed the shady mess the first time around can now pay over $4K for a struggle sandwich but with the added attraction of being seasick and claustrophobic while doing it. Sign us up!

We first got all giddy about the possibility of tossing Gwynnie and hundreds of other dim bitches with more disposable income than sense over the railing sharing a deeply meaningful wellness and healing experience and building lifelong sisterhood bonds on the Lido deck in early 2020, but then that pesky pandemic wouldn’t let our effortlessly chic leisure wardrobes be great. But now that things are getting more back to “normal,” the Goop cruise is ready to set sail in 2022!

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Chet Hanks Is Getting Dragged For Claiming That It’s About To Be A ‘White Boy Summer”

March 29, 2021 / Posted by:

Chet Hanks is Chet Hanks-ing again and has spewed out more verbal diarrhea that makes us ask, “Are we sure that Rita Wilson didn’t have an affair with Vanilla Ice back in the day?” Because Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson’s 30-year-old son is retaining his title as The Most Clueless by staking his claim on the summer of 2021 by naming it “White Boy Summer.

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Kat Von D Bought A House In Indiana To Escape California’s “Tyrannical Government Overreach” (But Is Keeping Her House And Business In L.A.)

December 21, 2020 / Posted by:

Like Elon Musk before her, Kat Von D has had it with California’s high taxes and its “tyrannical government overreach” (read: she’s whining about Governor Newsom’s COVID restrictions to try to bring down the state’s crazy high coronavirus cases) so she’s bought a mansion in the small town of Vevay, Indiana. I bet the people of Vevay did Nazi that coming. But well, it’s not like Kat Von D sold her L.A. house, moved her business to Indiana, packed up all her shit, and blew a “fuck you” to California the same way she blows a “fuck you” to vaccines. No, it sounds like Kat Von D is keeping Los Angeles as her base. So yeah, she just found an overdramatic and ridiculous way of saying, “I bought a second home.” Performative house buying of the rich is a new one to me.

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Harry Styles Hits Back At Candace Owens’ “Bring Back Manly Men” Shit

December 2, 2020 / Posted by:

For Vogue’s December issue, Harry Styles became the first dude to do the cover by himself, and in the photo shoot, he wears a couple of dresses and skirts, and those who consider King Louis VIX, Billy Porter, David Bowie, and Richard Simmons style icons were into it. But well, there were those who were really, really bothered like conservative commentator and Kanye West’s political sweetheart Candace Owens who let us all know that she probably rubs it to Gaston’s parts in Beauty and the Beast since Gaston is her opinion of the ideal man. Harry Styles in a dress made Candace Owens declare that we need to bring back “manly men.” Surprisingly, Harry Styles didn’t respond to what Candace Owens said by immediately replacing his dresses, ruffles, and skirts with a chest merkin, Pussy Juice cologne, a “Yeah, It Makes You Look Fat, Now Go Make Me A Sandwich, Woman” t-shirt, and Nascar-brand cargo pants. Instead, Harry responded with a banana and coffee filter sleeves!

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A Doctor Dragged Kourtney Kardashian For Suggesting Face Masks Can Cause Cancer

November 3, 2020 / Posted by:

The doctor who had to inform Justin Bieber that you can’t cure depression with kale, Dr. Joshua Wolrich, is back to slap another attention whore for burping out braindead medical advice. Kourtney Kardashian became the most surprising anti-masker there is, as she suggested to her millions of Instagram followers that mask can cause cancer, which has been debunked. Woo-wee… the Kardashians have really been making a strong showing these last few days of how absolutely vapid they are, huh? Now we know how Khloe Kardashian caught coronavirus.

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