Category: Dumbasses

An Australian TV Reporter Was Suspended For Two Weeks After He Admitted To Not Listening To Adele’s Album During An Interview With Her

November 21, 2021 / Posted by:

Just suspended? Bitch should be imprisoned for life” said every disciple of Adele who has already memorized every lyric on her new album 30 and had their favorite lyric tattooed on the insides of their eyelids.

Adele’s critically-loved fourth studio album 30 came out on Friday, and was streamed over 60 million times on Spotify in its first day, and hit #1 on the iTunes album chart just hours after it came out. So there are some Adele fans who would’ve given their favorite child’s best kidney to listen to it early. Matt Doran, the host of Australian’s Weekend Sunrise, got the chance to listen to it early since he was interviewing Adele about it, but his lazy ass didn’t even bother. And he didn’t even pull some “furiously read the Cliffs Notes version minutes before the book quiz is given” shit. Matt admitted to Adele that he didn’t listen to the album he was interviewing her about. It got him suspended from his job for two weeks. It also got him inducted into the You Had ONE Job Hall of Shame.

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Big Bird Got The COVID-19 Vaccine And It Pissed Off Ted Cruz

November 8, 2021 / Posted by:

Over the weekend Big Bird got the COVID-19 vaccine! He immediately tweeted that shit (he is a bird, after all), writing, “My wing is feeling a little sore, but it’ll give my body an extra protective boost that keeps me and other healthy.” Before he got the jab, Big Bird participated in a CNN Town Hall for Families to help answer questions from kids about the vaccine, which was recently authorized for American children ages 5-11.

Awww, good for Big Bird… would be any reasonable, well-intentioned person’s response. But “reasonable” and “well-intentioned” are not adjectives to describe Texas Senator Ted Cruz. He tweeted, “Government propaganda… for your 5 year old!” and a slew of other hardcore right-wing trolls did the same. Hmmm… Big Bird is technically only 6-years-old, so I don’t think he’s old enough to identify as right or left-wing. He uses both wings equally!

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Nicki Minaj Claims She Was Put In Twitter Jail And Got A Personal Invitation From The White House To Talk About Vaccines (But Both Deny Her Claims)

September 16, 2021 / Posted by:

Well, one way for you to distract everyone from you and your sex offender husband threatening his attempted sex assault victim is to dangle your cousin’s friend’s swollen huevos at everyone.

Nicki Minaj’s publicist must be snorting the chunkiest lines of crushed-up Ibuprofen in between taking a sledgehammer to every communication device they own because just in the past few days, she’s managed to get into a fight with Twitter, the White House, and Trinidad’s Health Minister over the COVID-19 misinformation she’s been sharing with her 22.7 million Twitter followers. To think, many of us thought we were all past international incidents brought on by an inflamed nutsack, but I guess not.

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Farrah Abraham Plans To Sue Harvard For Kicking Her Out Of A Writing Course, Claiming They Were “Educationally Abusive”

August 30, 2021 / Posted by:

Teen Mom turned certified fame whore Farrah Abraham decided she would continue to elevate herself and go to Harvard where scholars like Blac Chyna have (allegedly) gone before her. Farrah was well on her way to becoming the next Virginia Woolf because she had planned to study writing at Harvard. But she was kicked out of their writing program and now plans to sue them for discriminating against her!

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A “Jackass Forever” Actor Named “Poopies” Got Bitten By A Shark During Shark Week

July 17, 2021 / Posted by:

You know when a headline includes “jackass,” “poopies” and a shark bite, that it could totally mean TMI about the anal expulsion habits of pants-pooper Kanye West, who was labeled a jackass by President Obama, getting bitched out by his caustic, former mother-in-law, except this time it isn’t, but the actual story is just as WTF.

Discovery Channel’s annual tradition of Shark Week turns 21 this year, and in order to celebrate, one of the participating sharks seized the day and helped itself to some daredevil man-flesh in the form of Sean “Poopies” McInerney, new to the extremely distinguished lineup in the movie Jackass Forever (formerly titled Jackass 4), set for release in October.

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Jen Shah from “Real Housewives Of Salt Lake City” Wants Her Criminal Charges Dismissed Because Her Contacts Were Dry When She Signed Away Her Miranda Rights

June 16, 2021 / Posted by:

47-year-old Jen Shah from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City is a scene-stealer because she’s a head-to-toe mess who easily and frequently is triggered into a freakout. Jen brought that same high-caliber level of theatrics to the legal stage in her fight against those massive fraud charges she’s facing. Jen’s lawyer filed legal papers which said her contacts were dry and so her vision was blurry and she had no idea she was signing a document that waved off her Miranda rights. So she wants the whole case thrown out. This is going straight to the top of the “She Really Tried It” files.

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