Category: Dumbasses

Jason Aldean Is Sorry For Dressing Up In Blackface Last Halloween

September 9, 2016 / Posted by:

Well, he’s sort of sorry. He’s just mostly sorry if anyone was offended by it. Ah, the classic “I’m not sorry I did it, just sorry I got caught” apology.

Country singer Jason Aldean decided to dress up as Lil Wayne last Halloween. If Jason had done his research, he would have learned that it is possible for a white person to dress up as a famous rapper whose name starts with Lil for Halloween without pulling out some dark makeup and going full-NO. But Jason went ahead and did himself up in blackface anyway. Almost a year later, Jason is sorry-ish for doing that.

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A Mattress Store In Texas Thought It Was A Really Good Idea To Do A 9/11-Themed Ad For Their “Twin Towers” Sale

September 8, 2016 / Posted by:

Florida, go ahead and take the rest of the day off, because today, Texas is providing the high-octane fuckery!

I guess Miracle Mattress of Texas saw the extremely tasteful soda Twin Towers sculpture at a Walmart in Florida and decided to outdo those messes hard. And how! At least three people at that company decided three things:

1) Doing a “Twin Towers” mattress sale on 9/11 is a brilliant idea.

2) Doing an ad where they stack mattresses like the twin towers and then fall into them while screaming is another brilliant move.

3) Uploading it onto the internet so that everyone can see is yet another brilliant move.

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That Creepy Crotch Picture Has Earned Anthony Weiner A Visit From Child Services

September 1, 2016 / Posted by:

Hmmm… Based on the Anthony Weiner dick pics I’ve seen, I’d say that he’s not giving himself enough credit and should widen those digits a bit. Unless he’s describing the size of his brain, and if that’s the case, he needs to bring that finger closer to that thumb.

The New York Post says that Anthony Weiner learned the hard way (or judging by the pic, the semi-soft way) that before you take a picture of your dick bulge for your Twitter ho, make sure your kid is out of the room first. The Administration for Children’s Services has reportedly put Anthony Weiner’s name on a case folder and have officially started an investigation into his skills as a stay-at-home daddy.

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Huma Abedin Dumped Anthony Weiner After He Got Caught Bringing Their Son Into His Sexting Adventures

August 29, 2016 / Posted by:

Anthony Weiner’s sexting ways may have finally gotten him fucked again, and not in the way he wanted.

Nothing good has come from Anthony Weiner sending dick pics to tricks. Sexting with chicks who weren’t his wife cost him his congressman gig in 2011. Weiner tried to bring his dead political career back to life when he ran for mayor of New York City in 2013, but he proved that he was already Mayor of DumbFuckVille when a sad and tragic peen pic he sent to another trick was leaked. Weiner’s wife Huma Abedin stuck with him through all of that. One would think that maybe the pile of dried dingles in Weiner’s head would produce a clue and he’d retire Carlos Danger and quit sexting with women not named Huma Abedin, but nope. Carlos Danger has once again been caught getting into some sext-a-holic antics, and this time Huma has had enough. She has left him and all it took was a crotch picture with their son in it. “Gross” doesn’t even begin to describe…

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Speedo Dropped Ryan Lochte

August 22, 2016 / Posted by:

Ryan Lochte may be a lie-telling douche, but I still wish that headline read “Ryan Lochte Dropped His Speedo.”

Ryan Lochte admitted to Matt Lauer that he “over-exaggerated” what went down in the gas station in Rio and apologized for his “immature tantics” (Side note: “Tantics” sounds like the name of a tic your body develops after doing hours of tantric sex), but that wasn’t enough for some of his sponsors to forgive him. Ryan not only lost his last brain cell from trying to form sentences during his interview with Matt Lauer, but he also lost money. Ralph Lauren, GentleLase hair removal system and Speedo have all announced that they’re fucking done professionally with Ryan Lochte.

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Escândalo: Ryan Lochte’s Teammates Have Reportedly Told Cops That They Made Up The Robbery Story

August 18, 2016 / Posted by:

One good thing to come out of this tale of dumb fuckery is that I learned that “scandal” in Portuguese is also “escândalo.” I lit up like Ryan Lochte after finally winning a game of Rocks, Paper, Siccor.

And in today’s episode of “This Is What Happens When Ryan Lochte Tries To Mastermind An Elaborate Lie,” we learn that he and three other U.S. swimmers were probably not robbed at gunpoint by thieves pretending to be cops. Ryan’s story started falling apart a quick minute after he opened up his mouth and now it’s a bigger mess than that hair color. Last night, authorities in Brazil pulled two of the swimmers, Jack Conger and Gunnar Bentz, off of a flight for questioning, and they stopped the fourth swimmer, Jimmy Feigen, from leaving the country. And today, the Associated Press reports that Jack and Gunnar told authorities that they made up the robbery story. I’m sure that all of this will be seen in Netflix’s new investigative series titled Making A Moron.

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