Shortly after Kim Kardashian was robbed at gunpoint in her apartment in Paris, sources were saying that Kim was blaming herself for being herself (aka shamelessly flaunting her jewels on social media). Whatever chemicals Khloe Kardashian has been injecting into her face must have seeped into her brain and ate the part responsible for making smart decisions, because last night she flaunted her jewels on Instagram. Slow-é strikes again!
As Donald Trump’s campaign lives on and Trump supporters dislocate their shoulders from reaching so damn hard while trying to defend that pussy grab shit, Billy Bush is wondering if he should do damage control by checking into rehab for dumbfuckness or by getting his picture taken as he gently pets pussies (with permission) at a cat shelter. Billy got his ass suspended from Today and NBC may permanently wax off the Bush. And sources tell Page Six that Billy Bush may only have his own stupidity to blame. Sources say that NBC staffers only started looking for the tape when Billy Bush bragged about its existence. So Billy Bush may have fucked himself. Oh, schadenfreude, it’s always a good day when you spoon me from behind and whisper sweet nothings into my ear.
When you think of Miley Cyrus, you immediately have to rinse your mouth out with industrial-strength Listerine since the taste of chipmunk smegma covers your tongue. But after you do that and think of Miley Cyrus again, you think of a serious artiste who is all about the art and her voice and isn’t at all about gimmicks or herself or what she’s wearing. Miley Cyrus thinks that of Miley Cyrus too! And Miley Cyrus is the complete opposite of Mariah Carey.
Well, he’s sort of sorry. He’s just mostly sorry if anyone was offended by it. Ah, the classic “I’m not sorry I did it, just sorry I got caught” apology.
Country singer Jason Aldean decided to dress up as Lil Wayne last Halloween. If Jason had done his research, he would have learned that it is possible for a white person to dress up as a famous rapper whose name starts with Lil for Halloween without pulling out some dark makeup and going full-NO. But Jason went ahead and did himself up in blackface anyway. Almost a year later, Jason is sorry-ish for doing that.
A Mattress Store In Texas Thought It Was A Really Good Idea To Do A 9/11-Themed Ad For Their “Twin Towers” Sale
Florida, go ahead and take the rest of the day off, because today, Texas is providing the high-octane fuckery!
I guess Miracle Mattress of Texas saw the extremely tasteful soda Twin Towers sculpture at a Walmart in Florida and decided to outdo those messes hard. And how! At least three people at that company decided three things:
1) Doing a “Twin Towers” mattress sale on 9/11 is a brilliant idea.
2) Doing an ad where they stack mattresses like the twin towers and then fall into them while screaming is another brilliant move.
3) Uploading it onto the internet so that everyone can see is yet another brilliant move.
Hmmm… Based on the Anthony Weiner dick pics I’ve seen, I’d say that he’s not giving himself enough credit and should widen those digits a bit. Unless he’s describing the size of his brain, and if that’s the case, he needs to bring that finger closer to that thumb.
The New York Post says that Anthony Weiner learned the hard way (or judging by the pic, the semi-soft way) that before you take a picture of your dick bulge for your Twitter ho, make sure your kid is out of the room first. The Administration for Children’s Services has reportedly put Anthony Weiner’s name on a case folder and have officially started an investigation into his skills as a stay-at-home daddy.