I didn’t even bat an eye when a couple of days ago on Celebrity Big Brother Dina Lohan admitted that she had never met her boyfriend of five years. Obviously Dina has a boyfriend of five years that she has never met or even FaceTimed with and is going to marry even though she has never once laid eyes on “him” (we don’t really know if he’s a he, do we?). This is Dina Lohan we are talking about and there is no end to the fuckery that she’s produced. Lucky for us, but not so much Dina, Catfish host (the one who isn’t leaving the show) Nev Schulman has raised his hand to play Captain Save-A-Ho and is offering to expose Dina’s “man” as a catfish fraud.
I stopped watching Celebrity Big Brother this year because it’s boring as hell and I don’t care about any of the people. However, I should have stuck around for last night night’s episode so I could have gotten the hugest laugh of the week. Dina Lohan, the dalai lama of bad everything, revealed that she’s been in a five year relationship with a man she’s never seen in person. Cue up the theme song from MTV’s Catfish please.
You never know where you’re going to be when the boogie grabs you and screams “Shake that ass bitch!” It doesn’t matter if you’re in line at Walmart, or in church (where you can play it off as ‘catching the spirit‘), or on the highway. The third one is what happened with two refined ladies of elegance and class when they decided that the best dance floor is a moving one on top of an SUV.
You would think after YouTube douche Jake Paul came under scrutiny for uploading a video of his dumbass doing the ultra dangerous #BirdBoxChallenge last week people would kindly have several seats and find their thrills in other, healthier ways. However, this is 2019 and idiots are everywhere, so let’s jump right into the story of a 17-year-old who didn’t get the memo from Netflix and almost killed someone while driving blindfolded.
It’s surprising that Miss USA, Sarah Rose Summers, wasn’t rushed to the hospital in Bangkok to get her mind put back together after it was blown when she got to the Miss Universe pageant and learned that not every single person in the world speaks fluent English. So now we know that Miss USA is that kind of American who screams, “SPEAK AMERICAN!“, at servers when trying to order food in another country.
And a question that boggles my mind is: Why is Megyn Kelly Today still on?
Another question that boggles my mind is: Why do I still watch all four hours of Today including Megyn Kelly’s shit show hour?
Megyn Kelly has already pissed some people off by mouth-sharting out about how she thinks the slutty Handmaid’s Tale costume is okay because it’s for Halloween, and anything goes during Halloween. And on today’s show, Megyn Kelly and three white panelists (Melissa Rivers, Jenna Bush Hager, and Jacob Soboroff) talked about Halloween costumes that have been banned by a university. Megyn Kelly brain-burping up her thoughts about offensive Halloween costumes and cultural appropriation? What could go wrong! NBC executives were either in the control room getting ready to jump on the delay button in case she said anything dumb, or they were getting ready to slap the delay button operator’s hand away in case she said anything dumb because that show needs the attention. Definitely the second one.