Category: Dumbasses

Kim Zolciak Gets Filler In Her Earlobes To Hold Her Gigantic Diamonds

May 2, 2018 / Posted by:

When one of Bravo’s most terrifying creations, KKKim Zolciak, pried open her 120 pound plastic lips with a crowbar at the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion and said that racism wasn’t a thing before social social (“I love the way Kim Zolciak thinks.” – Kanye West), I thought to myself that she should really take a quick little break from filling her lips and get her brain filled with some brain cells instead. (Although, I’m pretty sure you need a brain in the first place to do that.) Kim hasn’t gotten her head injected with brain cells yet, but she does get filler in her earlobes. You see, Kim is one of those unfortunates who was born with poor people earlobes (aka earlobes that can’t hold huge diamond earrings).

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Paris Hilton Would Like Credit For Everything Wrong With Today’s Youth Culture

November 28, 2017 / Posted by:

Paris Hilton is a lot of things. A Princess? Sure. Polarizing? Absolutely. A Pioneer? Depends on who you ask. If you ask Paris she’ll tell you “well, like duh?”. Or at least that’s how she would have said it before when she was riding high as queen of dingbat blond heiress socialites. I’m not sure how she talks these days because like what is her deal now? She’s some kind of high society matron? So basically the same thing but with frumpier clothes and a holier than thou attitude? Got it.

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Marky Mark Prays That God Forgives Him For “Boogie Nights”

October 24, 2017 / Posted by:

Boogie Nights is a jewel of a movie that is a precious gift to us all. It gave us so many perfect things like Philip Seymour Hoffman in a three sizes too small 70s freakum tank, Julianne Moore busting out one of her signature cries outside of the courthouse, a pucker-inducing dance scene, everything Becky Barnett says, the soundtrack, etc… etc… But being the dumb turd corn that he is, Marky Mark regrets doing Boogie Nights and hopes that God will forgive him for it. When Marky gets to the gates of Heaven and asks God if he’s forgiven for Boogie Nights, God will probably say, “Errr, I don’t forgive Paul Thomas Anderson for casting your ass, and I also don’t forgive you for almost killing those Vietnamese men,” before hitting a button that opens a trap door to Hell.

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Lindsay Lohan Takes A Bold Stand In Defense Of Harvey Weinstein, Because Of Course She Did

October 11, 2017 / Posted by:

At this point in time, you’d have to be one daffy fucking broad to issue a statement in defense of Harvey Weinstein. Previously, Donna Karan was the daffiest with her diatribe about ladies asking for it. Now the queen of dafficity, Lindsay Lohan has deigned to school us all with her deep thoughts and wisdom about Harvey via an Instagram story, because, well, it’s Lindsay. According to Deadline, it was up just long enough to catch the day’s news cycle and then swiftly deleted.

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Kendall And Kylie Jenner Pissed Off Voletta Wallace, Sharon Osbourne And The Doors 

June 29, 2017 / Posted by:

If Pimp Mama Kris strikes sex tape golden showers again, this won’t be the first time I write “Kendall,” “Kylie” and “Piss” in a headline.

Whoever is in charge of the clothing crap that Kendall and Kylie Jenner push on their website thought it would be a really good idea to peddle t-shirts with their faces and initials on top of pictures of music icons without getting permission. There’s at least 200 members in PMK’s koven and so you’d think she’d make one of them take a crash course in the law so that dumb shit like this doesn’t happen. PMK should send Sushi Kardashian West to a law class. Sushi seems the smartest of that bunch.

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