It’s a damn good thing I’m not a woman looking for a good man, because my business card proudly states I’m a “Slut, Skeezer, Ho And Tramp-At-Large.”
Tyrese’s bald head has been firmly stuck up his ass for a while now. Tyrese thinks that the pile of mashed dumb in his head is a fountain of endless wisdom and enlightenment for women. Tyrese even wrote a relationship advice book with Rev Run and they hosted a talk show based on their book (the show got canceled). Some of Tyrese’s “greatest hits” include the time he said that Amber Rose dresses in a way that invites groping and that real men don’t take women with fake hair and silicone chichis seriously. Tyrese is back, and this time he’s telling women that God will send you what’s yours if you know your value (read: don’t pass that snatch around). Tyrese also thinks that sluts, skeezers, hoes and tramps (read: Dlisted’s main demographic, I love you) are lowering their value and partly because their coochies have a lot of miles. Don’t believe Tyrese about the coochie mileage thing? Check your coochie’s Kelley Blue Book price!
Fresh off from mistaking a TLC song for a Destiny’s Child song, Karlie Kloss has fucked up again and managed to outdo herself. Karlie went all Shirley MacLaine in My Geisha for a spread in American Vogue.
Gigi and Bella Hadid were both at a friend’s birthday party the other day, and since they have to put absolutely everything on social media, Bella posted a video on Instagram of Gigi mimicking the Asian eyes on a cookie. Bella deleted that video, but the damage was already done and many labeled Gigi as the new Miley Cyrus (and RiRi)!
Bald bag of dumb Steve Harvey is in the middle of a lawsuit from a former employee who is accusing him of telling his fans to beat up old white ladies (Steve Harvey’s side claims the former employee is just trying to shake him down for money), so it was the perfect time for him to dust off a grandpapa’s old racist jokes and spit them out during a recent episode of his talk show.
All of you Trump H8RZ can now shut your crying holes over how the overused foundation puff doesn’t focus on real issues and tweets stupid stuff to distract the people from what’s really going on. This morning, Donald Trump finally addressed the one issue every American cares about: the ratings for The New Celebrity Apprentice!
Pictured: Nicole Scherzinger making the same disgusted stank face that all of us made while reading the cast list for the Dirty Dancing remake that need not exist.
ABC decided to join the rest of Hollywood in taking a machete to your childhood and the classics when it gave the thumbs up to a completely unnecessary Dirty Dancing musical movie starring Little Miss Sunshine as Baby, this pillar of chiseled hotness as Johnny Castle, Debra Messing as Baby’s mom, Bruce Greenwood as Baby’s dad, Sarah Hyland as Baby’s sister, Billy Dee Williams as Tito Suarez, Casper Not-So-Smart as Billy, Katey Sagal as Vivian Pressman, Shane Harper as Robbie and low-rent Apollonia Nicole Scherzinger as Penny.
Penny, played by Cynthia Rhodes in the only Dirty Dancing movie we need, gets knocked up with that slut Robbie’s baby and gets an abortion. Nicole tells The Daily Mail that she’s catholic and that her family is firmly against abortion. So she almost didn’t take the part, because she didn’t want to “promote” abortion. Oh yes, that movie where a woman almost dies after getting a back alley abortion is the pro-abortion propaganda film of our time!