And a question that boggles my mind is: Why is Megyn Kelly Today still on?
Another question that boggles my mind is: Why do I still watch all four hours of Today including Megyn Kelly’s shit show hour?
Megyn Kelly has already pissed some people off by mouth-sharting out about how she thinks the slutty Handmaid’s Tale costume is okay because it’s for Halloween, and anything goes during Halloween. And on today’s show, Megyn Kelly and three white panelists (Melissa Rivers, Jenna Bush Hager, and Jacob Soboroff) talked about Halloween costumes that have been banned by a university. Megyn Kelly brain-burping up her thoughts about offensive Halloween costumes and cultural appropriation? What could go wrong! NBC executives were either in the control room getting ready to jump on the delay button in case she said anything dumb, or they were getting ready to slap the delay button operator’s hand away in case she said anything dumb because that show needs the attention. Definitely the second one.
Fresh off from refusing to apologize for his racist lyric about Korean eyes, Wiz Khalifa is getting more attention for a dumb dingle that fell out of his mouth. Wiz was on The Breakfast Club when he declared that a straight dude eating a whole banana in public is “sus,” which means it’s “suspect,” which means it looks like he’s sucking a dick and that’s 100% gay. Who knew that a dude who dresses like a Boca Raton grandma going to bingo would suffer from stage 10 fragile masculinity.
It still boggles my mind that the publicists of Hollywood haven’t gathered up all their dude clients, and hammered their brains into simply saying, “I support the #MeToo and Time’s Up movements. The end.“, every time they’re asked about sexual harassment and abuse in their industry and beyond. But because some haven’t done that, pretty-faced piles of dumb like Henry Cavill get themselves into trouble by spewing verbal fart bubbles about how he’s afraid to flirt with a woman because she might blow her rape whistle on him. Who knew that Henry Cavill took a course in #MeToo 101 from Professor Morrissey?
When one of Bravo’s most terrifying creations, KKKim Zolciak, pried open her 120 pound plastic lips with a crowbar at the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion and said that racism wasn’t a thing before social social (“I love the way Kim Zolciak thinks.” – Kanye West), I thought to myself that she should really take a quick little break from filling her lips and get her brain filled with some brain cells instead. (Although, I’m pretty sure you need a brain in the first place to do that.) Kim hasn’t gotten her head injected with brain cells yet, but she does get filler in her earlobes. You see, Kim is one of those unfortunates who was born with poor people earlobes (aka earlobes that can’t hold huge diamond earrings).
Paris Hilton is a lot of things. A Princess? Sure. Polarizing? Absolutely. A Pioneer? Depends on who you ask. If you ask Paris she’ll tell you “well, like duh?”. Or at least that’s how she would have said it before when she was riding high as queen of dingbat blond heiress socialites. I’m not sure how she talks these days because like what is her deal now? She’s some kind of high society matron? So basically the same thing but with frumpier clothes and a holier than thou attitude? Got it.
Boogie Nights is a jewel of a movie that is a precious gift to us all. It gave us so many perfect things like Philip Seymour Hoffman in a three sizes too small 70s freakum tank, Julianne Moore busting out one of her signature cries outside of the courthouse, a pucker-inducing dance scene, everything Becky Barnett says, the soundtrack, etc… etc… But being the dumb turd corn that he is, Marky Mark regrets doing Boogie Nights and hopes that God will forgive him for it. When Marky gets to the gates of Heaven and asks God if he’s forgiven for Boogie Nights, God will probably say, “Errr, I don’t forgive Paul Thomas Anderson for casting your ass, and I also don’t forgive you for almost killing those Vietnamese men,” before hitting a button that opens a trap door to Hell.