WTF Is Wrong With People: The Justin Bieber Wannabe Edition

This actually happened, and it’s way too early in this or any day for this fuckery.  Grab your coffee and throw in an extra two splashes of Irish Cream because you’re gonna need it.  Here’s what:  a grown ass man spent almost $100K over 5 years for surgery to transform himself into a pre-pubescent lesbian.  Now, I can get with transgender surgery if that’s what makes your nipples hard, but I can’t get with this.  I CAN’T.  Somewhere in the world, (LA, not Florida believe it or not) a 33 year old songwriter named Toby Sheldon decided that there was no better way to spend his life savings than cutting his face up to look like Justin Bieber.  People who want to look like a cat and like a sand candle left in the August sun are grateful to this guy for making their decisions look almost normal.

According to Complex Style, Toby got the surgery so that he too could have Bieber’s “smize”.  Can somebody kick Tyra Banks square in the culo for that phrase??  Fuck.  Anyway, he even got a 15K surgery to widen his smile to look just like the Biebs.  No word on what he paid for the bad skin.  DUDE.  Just speak as though your nuts haven’t dropped, sport a douchey hairstyle and some saggy ass MC Hammer knock off pants, paint Heath Ledger‘s Joker smile on with liquid eyeliner, act like a toddler that hasn’t gotten his snack or his favorite toy and you’ve got this for $17.50. You’re welcome.  Where the fuck was I when this guy needed a financial consultant?  I could have banked whatever the difference of $100K and $17.50 is.  Maths are hard, and it’s early.

The worst part (as if there could be a worst in this mess) is that he still doesn’t look like Justin Bieber.  He looks like a junior high school gym teacher named Ms. Barker with a mustache and a penchant for hanging out too long in the girls locker room during shower times.  FAIL.

Pics vai Complex Style

Backdoor Farrah Is Well On Her Way To Becoming One Of Feminism’s Most Important Voices

Farrah Abraham is already destined to become the Dame Judi Dench of her generation and now she’s destined to be feminism’s greatest hero. Sorry, Gloria Steinem, you had a good run. Allie Conti of The Miami New Times (via Radar) interviewed Backdoor Farrah and quickly found out that she would’ve gotten more intelligent answers out of a factory-defected silicone implant.

Farrah talked to The Miami New Times to whore out some club night she’s hosting for Vivid and so Allie brought up her porn debut and asked how her “sex tape” came to be. Farrah used the explanation of lies that James Deen pulled out of her bottomless coochie box on her sex tape. Farrah says that she was dating James Deen when he butt fucked her on camera and he betrayed her trust by leaking the tape. Yes, ho still thinks everyone is as dumb as her. Allie said that it was really shitty (pun intended, I’m sure) of James to do that and then she followed that up by bringing up feminism.

It sounds pretty shitty that he went behind your back and leaked your personal tape. Do you consider yourself a feminist?
I’m pretty feminine. I think so.

Not feminine — feminist.
What does that mean, you’re a lesbian or something?

No, that’s not what I’m asking at all.
What context are you saying it in?

It’s a complicated concept, but I guess at it’s most basic, it means that women are equal to men.
Oh, I definitely feel that women are equal to men. No doubt about that. I mean women should have equal rights to men, every day

AHAHAHAHAHA! You can practically hear the rocks in her head rub together and turn to sand. Just when I think that Farrah has reached the pinnacle of dumbness and can’t possibly get any dumber, she grabs a ladder and goes even higher. When Ryan Lochte wants to feel smart for a second, he reads a Farrah Abraham interview.

And here’s the most powerful voice in feminism posing for the paps in Fort Lauderdale, FL today.

Pics: Splash

Backdoor Farrah On Trayvon Martin: “I Feel Like I’ve Met Her….”

I’m guessing that the host of Matty P’s Radio Happy Hour asked Teen Mom Farrah about the Trayvon Martin situation, because he knows she’s as dumb as the shit stain on a soft dick and would spit out some truly stupid crap. Backdoor Farrah didn’t disappoint. When the host asked Farrah what she thought of the Trayvon Martin case, whatever is left of her brain flatlined when she said this:

“I feel like I’ve met her or something. It sounds so familiar. I don’t know what she is so I can’t picture the person with the name right now.”

In Farrah’s defense, it’s almost impossible to watch CNN when your head is shoved all the way up your culo, and she knows as much about Trayvon Martin as Juror b37 does. But the joke will be on us when we find out that the porn Farrah just shot features an anal strap-on scene with a porn star named Dre Von Martini.

via TMZ & ONTD

Justin Bieber Hopes Anne Frank Would’ve Been A Belieber

In “fuckery you just can’t make up” news, Justin Bieber and some of his friends visited the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam last night and not only did the shit-brained fetus keep his sunglasses on in the museum (picture above), but he also vomited up pieces of his ego all over the museum’s guestbook. After learning that Anne Frank hid in the attic for two years and was eventually captured by the Nazis and died in a concentration camp, the only question the Biebs asked was, “I wonder if she would’ve been a Belieber?” Out of everything, that’s what he got out of the Anne Frank Museum. I just…. I don’t…. I mean… I CAN’T!

The Anne Frank Museum Facebook page posted a transcription of what Justin Bieber wrote and it’s the reason why humanity cries today:

Yesterday night Justin Bieber visited the Anne Frank House, together with his friends and guards. Fans were waiting outside to see a glimpse of him. He stayed more than an hour in the museum. In our guestbook he wrote: “Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.” Tonight Bieber will give a concert in Arnhem in the Netherlands.

Please, everybody knows that Anne Frank would’ve been a One Direction fan.

Another sad part of this is that the Beliebers probably don’t even know who Anne Frank is and they’re going to start sending her death threats on Twitter, because he gave her a shout out instead of them.

And Justin Bieber accomplished the impossible by managing to out-Bieber himself.

via CNN

This Bitch: Tyrese Goes In On Fat People

This might come as a shock to you, but the dim dumb douche who got trolled hard by Amber Rose Tamblyn said some stupid shit in an interview the other day. Steam shower scientist Tyrese told AllHipHop.com (via HuffPo) that fat people are nasty and nasty fat people take hot showers so their bathroom mirrors will get steamed up and they don’t have to look at their fat nasty bodies.

AHH: What kind of responsibility do you feel as an entertainer, you have to inspire people to live healthier lifestyles?

Tyrese: No two situations are the same. If you are fat and nasty and you don’t like the way you look, do something about it. It’s simple.

When you take a shower and you put your fat, nasty body in the shower and by the time you get out, the mirrors are all steamed up so you don’t look at what you did to yourself. That may sound offensive or insensitive but ultimately, you are big as hell because you have earned that shit. You worked your ass off to eat everything in sight to get big as hell.

If you got a problem with the way you look, then you need to do something about it. Excuses sound best to the people that’s making them up.

This isn’t the first time Tyrese has called steam out for being a fat-shaming vapor. In 2009, he told Men’s Health that he’s thankful to steam, because it hid his fat body from him when he gained 50 pounds.

“How lucky is it that mirrors steam up after a hot shower? I didn’t have to look at what I’d done to myself.”

Steam: so THAT’S how it works. Tyrese just blew some scientific minds, because we now know why steam exists. Steam solely exists to cover up mirrors so we don’t have to look at our fat guts. The more we know.

Speaking of blown minds, you better put on your rain gear if you’re standing next to Tyrese, because if he has a mind, I’m about to blow it. If fat people smear a little shampoo on the mirror before a hot shower, they’ll be able to see their bodies afterward. I know, I think I just broke Tyrese.

From The “I Can’t” Files: Jeremy Irons’ Thoughts On Gay Marriage

It hurts putting the “Dumb Bitch of the Day” tag with the “Jeremy Irons” tag, but the crap that fell out of his mouth during his interview with HuffPost Live….

HuffPost Live’s Josh Zepps brought up the topic of same-sex marriage and Jeremy Irons could’ve easily just said that he doesn’t care about it or he doesn’t like it or whatever. But instead, he opened up his talk hole and let out a rambling stream of shit. Jeremy is afraid that same-sex marriage will lead to fathers marrying their sons for tax reasons.

Here’s how Jeremy and Josh’s conversation went (SPOILER ALERT: It ran off the rails and crashed). It almost makes more sense if you picture Scar saying this instead of Jeremy Irons:

Jeremy: Well, I don’t know… It’s a very interesting one, that, and I don’t really have a strong feeling, but I see that… What we had in England, which was not marriage, but it was a union you could make if you were gay and wanted to make a civil partnership.

Josh: Yes, civil union sort of has the same rights as marriage, but not the name.

Jeremy: That’s right. Same rights, not the name. It seems to me that now they’re fighting for the name and I worry that it means somehow we debase or we change what marriage is. I just worry about that. I mean, tax-wise is an interesting one, because could a father not marry his son?

Josh: Um, well there are laws against incest.

Jeremy: It’s not incest between men. Incest is there to protect us against inbreeding, but men don’t breed, so incest wouldn’t cover that. Now if that was so, then if I wanted to pass on my estate without death duties, I could marry my son and pass on my estate to him.

Josh: No, that sounds like a total red herring. I’m sure that incest law would still cover same-sex marriages.

Jeremy: Really, why?

Josh: Because I don’t think that incest law is only justified on the basis of the consequences of procreation. I think there’s also a moral approbation that’s associated with incest.

Jeremy: But I think it comes from breeding. I think the lawyers are going to have a field day with same-sex marriage. I don’t have a strong feeling either way. I just wish everyone that’s living with one other person the best luck in the world, because it’s fantastic.

Josh: Spoken like a happily married man.

Jeremy: Yeah, and also a man who has a dog that he loves.

THE FUCK?! Jeremy Irons said a few years ago that children under 16 are “immensely attractive” and the “hysteria” over pedophilia is ruining relationships between parents and their kids. Then he says this shit? Jeremy’s son Max Irons is going to side-eye him something extra the next time they hug.

And now I can’t fap to Jeremy Irons the next time Damage comes on cable. Jeremy Irons is ruining Jeremy Irons for me!

Here’s the video if you need to hear those words coming out of Jeremy’s mouth.