Category: DUI

Christopher McDonald Tried To Use “Happy Gilmore” To Get Out Of A DUI

October 30, 2017 / Posted by:

TMZ says that on Saturday at 9pm, 62-year-old actor Christopher McDonald was arrested in the Lake Arrowhead, CA area. An eyewitness says Christopher drove his silver Porsche off the highway, crashed into a gas meter at a Stater Bros. supermarket, and ended up in an embankment. When police arrived, the witness claims Christopher McDonald informed them he was in Happy Gilmore. Probably a safer bet that, let’s say, Thelma’s shitty husband from Thelma & Louise.

The witness tells TMZ that police weren’t impressed that Christopher McDonald name-dropped Happy Gilmore. Yeah, of course not. After all, Shooter McGavin has been rumored to eat pieces of shit for breakfast. Police took him to a nearby jail, where he slept it off and was released without bail.

Christopher was arrested for DUI in 2013 in North Carolina after blowing almost double the legal limit.

Since Christopher didn’t pay bail, maybe that line about Happy Gilmore did get him out of trouble. It sounds like Christopher McDonald has a system that works. But what if next time he’s too drunk to remember? Well, that’s easy; he should keep a DVD copy of Happy Gilmore tucked into the visor. That way, when he crashes his Porsche, it will fall into his lap and remind him. Maybe he could also tape a little note to it that says, “Hey Shooter, next time use a driver. Get it? Driver? No, but seriously, stop driving drunk, asshole.”

Pic: TMZ

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Tiger Woods Had Five Different Drugs In His System During His DUI

August 15, 2017 / Posted by:

Ever since that time Tiger Woods’ wife beat him like he stole something after discovering his Soul Train line of side pieces, I haven’t looked at him the same way. He’s gone from hot commodity to hot mess in a matter of years. But even his antics make other hot messes tilt their head to the side and say “Damn homie,” especially after his DUI back in May. Yesterday the toxicology report from that arrest was released and it confirms that yes, Tiger was purring and slurring off some damn good pills. But he failed to mention that there was weed in his system as well.

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Tiger Woods Was Messed Up On Pills (Not Booze) When He Got Arrested For DUI 

May 30, 2017 / Posted by:

That mug shot of Tiger Woods looking like a half-comatose Homer Simpson after a major donut binge is going to follow him around for the rest of his days, and if someone ever opens up a Mug Shot Hall of Shame Museum, it’s going to get a prime spot there. But apparently, the sweet nectar isn’t what gave Tiger that “Mac and Me on red wine and Ambien” look about him. It was dolls!

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Hayley Hasselhoff Was Arrested For DUI

May 15, 2017 / Posted by:

According to a police report obtained by People magazine, Hayley Hasselhoff – 24-year-old daughter of David Hasselhoff and star of Sharknado 4 – was arrested for DUI on Saturday. Hayley better be prepared for a whole lot of people shouting “NO THANKS” the next time she sings her daddy’s song Jump In My Car at karaoke.

Police found Hayley at 4am on a freeway off-ramp, passed out in the driver’s seat of her Mercedes with her foot on the brake. Police were able to wake Hayley and get her out safely while taking control of her vehicle. The police report says that Hayley stunk of booze and she failed a sobriety test. Hayley was taken to the hospital for an evaluation, and when she was clear to go, she was taken to a nearby jail to be booked.

I am a major technology skeptic, but I am 100% on board with those self-driven robot cars. Humans just can’t be trusted not to drive hammered. Hell, I’ll even take a car driven by another human. Just think how amazing it would be: you press a button on your phone, and a vehicle will magically pull up, uber-fast and give you a lift to your home. I know it sounds like a Jetsons-like fantasy, but I’m sure scientists are super close to figuring out the technology.

Because the only reason we’re even talking about Hayley Hasselhoff is who her dad is, here’s David Hasselhoff looking like an extra-crispy drumstick in Miami earlier today with his fiancée Hayley Roberts.

Pic: Wenn.com/FayesVision, Backgrid

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