Everyone keeps saying that Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle are going to get engaged by the end of the summer, and no, that high-pitched wail that just stabbed your eardrums wasn’t from me loudly crying while thinking about the day that I’ll watch my beautiful(ly delusional) dreams go up in flames as I burn the assless cropped tuxedo I was planning to wear during my wedding to PHG.
If Meghan Markle becomes Duchess Meghan, she’ll be way too busy waving and smiling alongside Duchess Kate at the opening of whatever to do acting stuff. But a source tells E! News that Meghan would’ve probably quit acting even if she wasn’t with PHG. Uh huh…
Saints don’t go caca, so when I said “shit,” I meant the details of their never-ending custody battle.
Brad Pitt’s legal team tried and failed to get a judge to seal all documents related to his custody war with Angelina Jolie. Brad wanted all documents sealed after everyone found out that he has to get drug tested 4 times a month and that his visits with the child army are monitored by a therapist. Those details came out after Angie’s side filed their temporary custody agreement with the court, which made it public. Angie’s side did that because Brad was going to ask the court for more non-therapeutic visits with the kids.
The Daily Mail has more on this, including the part where Brad’s lawyer basically said that the dirty game that diabolical Angie is playing is going to hurt the kids. By the way, that picture above is of Angie making her diabolical saint face.
It only took her 4 decades, but Carrie Fisher confirmed what many of us figured a while ago: she and Harrison Ford regularly got their fuck on with each other while shooting the first Star Wars movie in London. Save your shocked look for when Chewbacca writes in his memoirs about how he was tag-teamed by Darth Vader, Biggs Darklighter and C-3PO.
It’s no secret that Nicki Minaj isn’t afraid to raise her hand and loudly say “Um, EXCUSE ME!” when she sees something that sets her off. Like calling out ass acceptability standards, or time the MTV VMAs gave Taylor Swift more nominations than her. Now she’s letting everyone know how she feels about Kanye West marrying the metaphorical “white girl” from his 2005 song Gold Digger. Not surprisingly, Nicki’s not having it.
There was much rejoicing yesterday after it was announced that the next legend to get Lifetime’s sloppy budget biopic treatment was Miss Britney Jean Spears. I was so happy, I ran to the corner store and christened the great news with a bottle of Tim Horton’s Iced Capp (they were all out of bottled Starbucks Frappucinno).
As it turns out, there was one person who wasn’t celebrating. No, not a jealous Christina Aguilera. It was Britney herself. Entertainment Weekly says that Britney’s rep released a statement saying that Britney doesn’t want anything to do with it “in any way, shape or form“, and that Lifetime doesn’t have her blessing. Kevin Federline, on the other hand, has no doubt sent them his blessing stapled to a current resume. “Yo, holla at ya boi KFed if you need a production assistant!”
The last time Lifetime announced they were making a biopic about a Brittany, they received a lawsuit from Brittany Murphy’s daddy. Who knows if Britney will also send a lawsuit their way. I can picture Lifetime receiving it now. “What the…? Is this a brand-new men’s business suit? Oh Britney.”
All of Lifetimes biopics have been unauthorized, so it’s not a surprise that Britney doesn’t want to be associated with it. But the best way for Britney to make sure her story gets told in a tasteful and accurate way is for her to make her own biopic. As much as I want to see Lifetime’s Britney, I want to see Britney’s Britney more. If Hollywood is listening, please please please give Britney Spears a $100 million budget and a director’s chair to make her own epic film. Forget another Ben-Hur, I want to see Brit-Ney.
Seen above looking like she’s about to scream “STOP MARKETING US!! WE’RE SERIOUS ACTORS!” at the premiere of Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part 2, Kristen Stewart is once again talking about the time she and Robert Pattinson spent as Robsten. During an interview with T magazine , Kristen Stewart said that Robsten became faker than the forced smiles she worked on the red carpet at each premiere. And that’s something that makes her feel super gross. Technically you’d never know it, since her face is stuck in a permanent scowl. But believe her, she’s grossed right out.