Category: DUH

Meghan Markle Is Leaving “Suits.” Shit, I Wonder Why?

November 14, 2017 / Posted by:

When Meghan Markle isn’t viciously rubbing the fact that she has the keys to the royal ginger jewel box in our faces, she does acting stuff on the USA Network show Suits. But since no family member of THE QUEEN is allowed to tarnish the pristine family name by doing pleasantly shit like acting on a basic cable show, Meghan is bouncing out of Suits. Sorry, but the only acting that British royals are allowed to do is act like they’re in a happy marriage.

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And Now For The Obvious: Jesse Williams And Minka Kelly Are Together

July 12, 2017 / Posted by:

Jesse Williams has been playing a hard game of denial for months with his maybe-girlfriend Minka Kelly in an attempt to kill that pesky rumor that he left his wife Aryn Drake-Lee for her. The rumor wouldn’t stop; sources kept opening their mouths and ratting him out, saying yes, he was absolutely getting with Minka Kelly. Jesse recently appeared on Jay-Z’s Footnotes for 4:44 denying once more that his marriage didn’t die becausea girl I work with is cute.“Jesse, we get it. Minka didn’t wink at you and send you running for your lawyer’s office for divorce papers. He can deny that, but he can’t exactly deny they’re together.

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Shocking Report: Tommy Cruise Is A Controlling Crazy Who Had A Say In Everything About “The Mummy” 

June 16, 2017 / Posted by:

The Mummy was the wet turd of the North American box office last weekend (it’s done a lot better internationally, though) and most critics seems to think it’s as interesting and exciting as a dried skid mark clinging to a piece of toilet paper in the trash can. Variety did a story on what went wrong with the movie that was supposed to start Universal’s “Dark Universe” series off right. They say that a lot of the blame is on Tom Cruise’s big, sloppy, throbbing ego and Universal giving him way too much control. Universal apparently wanted a blockbuster horror movie and they got another Tom Cruise movie.

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Meghan Markle May Quit Acting Soon Because Duh

March 21, 2017 / Posted by:

Everyone keeps saying that Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle are going to get engaged by the end of the summer, and no, that high-pitched wail that just stabbed your eardrums wasn’t from me loudly crying while thinking about the day that I’ll watch my beautiful(ly delusional) dreams go up in flames as I burn the assless cropped tuxedo I was planning to wear during my wedding to PHG.

If Meghan Markle becomes Duchess Meghan, she’ll be way too busy waving and smiling alongside Duchess Kate at the opening of whatever to do acting stuff. But a source tells E! News that Meghan would’ve probably quit acting even if she wasn’t with PHG. Uh huh…

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GASP! Brad Pitt Has Accused Angelina Jolie Side Of Exposing Shit About Their Custody Fight

December 13, 2016 / Posted by:

Saints don’t go caca, so when I said “shit,” I meant the details of their never-ending custody battle.

Brad Pitt’s legal team tried and failed to get a judge to seal all documents related to his custody war with Angelina Jolie. Brad wanted all documents sealed after everyone found out that he has to get drug tested 4 times a month and that his visits with the child army are monitored by a therapist. Those details came out after Angie’s side filed their temporary custody agreement with the court, which made it public. Angie’s side did that because Brad was going to ask the court for more non-therapeutic visits with the kids.

The Daily Mail has more on this, including the part where Brad’s lawyer basically said that the dirty game that diabolical Angie is playing is going to hurt the kids. By the way, that picture above is of Angie making her diabolical saint face.

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