I hope Michelle Duggar hasn’t already put away her giant trash bag of special occasion Dixie Moments plates, because she’ll soon have another wedding to get ready for. A little less than two weeks after the latest Duggar daughter officially started her journey as an inevitable baby-making machine, 19-year-old Joy-Anna Duggar announced that she has begun the family pre-marriage tradition of “courting.”
People says that Joy-Anna introduced her future fiancé during the wedding special Counting On: Jinger’s Wedding on Tuesday night. 22-year-old Austin Forsyth asked Joy-Anna to go a-courtin’ on a rock they once hung out on with their friends. I believe that’s also how some lizards choose a mate? Joy-Anna and Austin say they’ve known each other for 15 years, which I guess is kind of cute if you’re the person who likes to picture a 4-year-old and a 7-year-old getting married one day.
Joy-Anna and Austin’s courtship will probably turn into an engagement soon-ish. Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar probably have some kind of creepy homemade clock that they set every time one of their spawn get courtin’ that counts down the minutes until their kid can have the ultimate threesome (husband, wife, and the Holy Spirit watching from a chair in the corner) and make the next generation of spawn. The only reason the Duggar daughters get married so fast after courting is because their fiancés can only stand so much of Michelle’s pull-string baby doll voice squeak out the words: “Tick tock, we want more grandchiiiiiildrennnn!”
The Quiverfull movement had reason to rejoice anew yesterday. A new Duggar baby portal was officially dedicated. By that, I mean Jinger Duggar got married, and it’s only a matter of time before her uterus is bringing forth multitudes to continue her family’s quest to overrun the planet.
As Jinger Duggar fulfills her Duggar destiny by picking out a weddin’ dress and daydreaming about the magical 30 seconds of sex that will happen on her wedding night, Josh Duggar might soon be picking out a divorce lawyer and daydreaming of all the ways he can fake sick and get out of a court appearance. A source tells In Touch (via The Daily Mail) that Anna Duggar is done being married to her sister-touching, Ashley Madison-trolling husband.
In “this has happened before and it will happen again and again and again and again” news, the Duggars are adding another member to the family tree whose branches need to be reinforced with steel beams to hold all of them up. The expression “the sky is blue” needs to be permanently replaced by “a Duggar is pregnant,” because sometimes the sky isn’t blue, but a Duggar is almost always growing a baby in her body.
Back when gross human tater tot Josh Duggar was still trolling for extramarital coochie online, he didn’t use a real picture of himself on his online profiles. Maybe it was because he was afraid potential hookups would recognize him as one of the stars of TLCs 19 Kids and Counting and rat him out to the press. Maybe he was afraid they might not want to bang a dude whose face gives off the impression that he would definitely give you the creepiest back massage you’ve ever received. Whatever the reason, Josh Duggar decided to use someone else’s picture. Well, that person is now suing him.
Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar’s fourth-oldest daughter Jinger Duggar is only 22 years old, but in Duggar years that’s practically ancient. She’s only got a few more years before her uterus shrivels up and lays back in a rocking chair to watch Matlock reruns while trying to open up hard candies. So Jinger better git on that, and she is!