Us Weekly reports that Duchess Meghan is really serious about this whole “normal mom” thing she’s got planned. It’s been reported for a while that the Duchess of Sussex and Price Harry are going to raise their new son Archie as a commoner. They want to raise their son away from the drama and conflama of being a royal and instead have him live the extremely regular life of your average extremely wealthy person who doesn’t deal with media scrutiny. Well now we’re getting more factoids being spread in the media coming from some people close to the Duchess all about how she’s going to be a normal, strict mom.
Duchess Meghan Listed Her Occupation As “Princess Of The United Kingdom” On Archie’s Birth Certificate
It took me years and years before I was finally able to list something other than some configuration of office assistant/manager/administrator as my occupation on forms. Now I write “writer” and it honestly continues to be one of the biggest thrills of my life. Well, leave it to Dutchess Meghan to shit all over my little achievements. Baby Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor’s birth certificate has been made public and Meghan’s listed her profession as “Princess of the United Kingdom”, which is a flex of such magnitude, tsunami sirens all along the Eastern seaboard have been blaring since sunrise. OK, Meghan, we see you. Shit. Want to take your foot off my neck now? Your glass slipper is killing me.
Let’s for a moment take a look at that little fancy purple stamp that reads “All About Archie!” and appreciate that it totally sounds like a Tony award winner for Best Revival of a Musical. I can practically hear Sutton Foster belting out the title song. But it really has been all about Master Archie Mountbatten-Windsor ever since the latest royal baby popped into this world last week. He’s got his first People magazine cover, and he’s been visited by his auntie and uncle, the future King and Queen Consort of England. Not bad for a totally normal, ordinary, run-of-the-mill kid.
Duchess Meghan And Price Harry Want To Keep Baby Archie A Private Citizen And Want To Keep Birth Certificate Private As Well
Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry must not know that the best way to keep people interested in something is to restrict their access to it, because they are trying very hard to keep this new royal baby, Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor, a secret. They are going to some serious lengths and I feel like it just makes more paparazzi come sniffing around.
First, she wasn’t planning on giving birth at the hospital. Then they weren’t going to do the standard hoe-stroll once that baby was freshly wiped down of gestational fluid and Meghan had some lipgloss on. And then they didn’t even give him a royal title. Instead they have been keeping this baby on the DL, apart from a few staged photos for posterity, I guess. Well expect to see even less of this kid, as it’s being reported that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex plan on keeping Archie a private citizen forever.
One Theory Is That Duchess Meghan And Prince Harry Didn’t Give Baby Archie A Title So He Can Be “Ordinary”
It’s being reported that the reason Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry chose not to give their new baby, Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor, a title isn’t because he already has a bunch of names and doesn’t need more. It’s because they want him to grow up and be an “ordinary” person. Look at them wanting to be “normal.” Well bitch, “normal” is struggling to pay bills! That’s what you want?!
Duchess Meghan And Prince Hot Ginge Introduce The Still Nameless Baby Earl Of Dumbarton To The World (UPDATE: His Name Is Archie!)
The two day-old luckiest human in the world was carried out to his royal subjects today for the first time in his life, and as his mom Duchess Meghan and his dad Prince Ginger DILF cheesed at the mouth and said all the things that new parents are supposed to say about their newborn baby, he laid there thinking, “Will you arses tell them my name already, so they can stop calling me by my title, which sounds like Mischa Barton’s nickname on The O.C. set!”