Up until a few days ago, I thought we only had a handful of weeks of hearing about the pregnancy of the only woman who has ever been pregnant in the history of women being pregnant. But it turns out that we’ve got a handful of MONTHS before the arrival of the luckiest human who will never have to see the word “late fee” on a bill and gets to call Prince Hot Ginge “daddy” and mean it. Though, there’s one woman who doesn’t have to hear every little detail about Meghan’s pregnancy down to what her pregnancy farts smell like (SPOILER ALERT: like the tears of Samantha Markle, the sweat of the servants she HEARTLESSLY overworks, gold, and a splash of ginger), and that’s because there’s no WiFi or satellite reception in the dungeon the woman was sent to for calling Meghan FAT!
No, that isn’t Duchess Meghan waving bye to the latest royal staffer to say “Dueces!” but it should be! In the race between the White House and Kensington Palace as to who can see more staffers quit in a given year, KP leaps ahead for 2019!
Royal staffers have handed in their “bye bitch” letters ever since Meghan became a 5am NIGHTMARE by firing off emails at the break of dawn. Meghan’s assistant already quit since I imagine the dark nail polish and one-off bare shoulder became too much for a poor soul to endure. This time around, it’s her and Prince Harry’s bodyguard who is quitting, but they swear it has nothing to do with Meg. Ah, well, Meghan seems to be trying to deflect today by casually letting slip to a peasant when she’s expecting to give birth. Continue reading
The royal family has been just as miserable as our peasant families the last few months, and the tabloids say that has to do with Duchess Meghan coming in and firing off sunrise emails to staff and making sure the royal staff keep Kleenex readily available for Duchess Kate. The press has feasted on her left and right, and Prince Harry feels like it’s all his fault that her life is such a stress basket these days. Yes, enabling her to leave basic cable for tiara time and making millions off waving to strangers is a TERRIBLE thing for you to have done, Harry!
UsWeekly wants you to think that the duchess détente isn’t as smooth as previously reported. Added to rumors that ranges from Meghan making Duchess Kate cry to her causing staffers to quit, is a new rumor that she finds the whole ordeal “incredibly stressful.” Yes, it’s a slow royal family news day.
It’s a new year, and it’s the same old shit: Duchess Meghan and Duchess Kate are still sucking up the news cycle. Well, them and Donald Trump.
Last year, the tabloids told us how Meghan is a bossy biddy who likes to make Kate cry in her spare time. Oh, and then there was how Kate was trying to glam it up to make more of a name for herself in the media. THE QUEEN was fed up with their shit and demanded they all spend Christmas together at their country estate. Part of the festivities included a happy walk to church to show how they’re suddenly all about sisterhood, but apparently behind doors there was a real heart-to-heart, trust fall, and the gals shared their real feelings.
The main reason for why I’ve never gotten a woman pregnant is a little thing called “being gayer than a strawberry lube-scented fart out of a power bottom flamingo’s ass.” But now I know that the other reason why I’ve never gotten a woman pregnant is because as soon as she said the words, “Will you give up booze and coffee with me?“, I’d Billy Crudup her by leaving her pregnant ass for another trick, the other trick being hot rum coffee, of course. But not Prince Hot Ginge! PHG’s vodka-snorting days are so long gone that he actually broke up with the sweet nectar. And not only that, but he also temporarily ended things with coffee and tea after Duchess Meghan asked him to. Is PHG trying to give his memaw THE QUEEN a heart attack? Because that’s what might happen if he says “no thanks” to an offer of a gin or some tea.