Category: Duchess Kate

Open Post: Hosted By Duchess Kate And Prince William In Bootleg “My Fair Lady” Cosplay 

June 20, 2017 / Posted by:

In London right now, it’s apparently hotter and wetter than a b-hole exposed to shirtless pictures of Prince Hot Ginge. So a waterfall of sweat may be pouring out of your armpits just from looking at Prince William and Duchess Kate in stuffy clothes at Royal Ascot today, but fear not. I’m sure they wore frozen bloomers and nipple pasties, and mini air conditioning units were hiding under their hats. And if one droplet of sweat formed on their royal foreheads, the race would’ve been put on hold, and as the horses and jockeys slowly died of heatstroke while waiting on the track, Prince William and Duchess Kate would’ve cooled off in an air conditioned tent. So don’t sweat for them!

Today was day two one of the Royal Ascot horse races and it brought out THE QUEEN and the royals who don’t really matter (read: the royals not named Prince Hot Ginge). Prince William and Duchess Kate wore stunning ensembles borrowed from a low-budget community theater production of My Fair Lady, and I’d like to think that at one point, DK screamed, “Move your bloomin’ arse,” at the horse she bet on.

Whenever I think of Royal Ascot, I think of Ladies Day (aka Refined Blossoms Day), so I was hoping to see pictures of a drunken Duchess Kate humping a trash can as a drunken THE QUEEN spanked her with a pocketbook. The closest I got to that was Duchess Kate nearly grabbing the Countess of Wessex’s chichis to stop her from falling.

Prince Philip was there and I don’t even want to know what he groaned out while watching that Countess-On-Duchess action.

Pics: Wenn.com

Pippa Middleton Got Married, And Okay, But Future Princess Meghan Was Nowhere To Be Seen!

May 20, 2017 / Posted by:

After what felt like years and years of hearing about this wedding, Pippa Middleton, better known as the owner of the ass that stole her sister’s royal wedding and Kunty Karl’s favorite beauty, finally got married to that billionaire financier dude James Matthews at St Mark’s Church in Englefield, Berkshire today. Now bring on the grainy cell phone pictures of a drunken and topless Prince Hot Ginge and Pippa’s reality douche bro-in-law Spencer Matthews fist bumping on the dance floor at the reception.

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Meghan Markle Will Be Prince Hot Ginge’s Date To Pippa Middleton’s Wedding Reception 

April 17, 2017 / Posted by:

There was a story last month about how Pippa Middleton doesn’t want Meghan Markle upstaging her at her own wedding (like how Pippa’s ass upstaged Duchess Kate) so she’s thrown down a “no ring, no bring” policy to keep that spotlight stealer out. (Side note: “No [cock] ring, no bring” also sounds like a rule for a tantric sex orgy.) People says that Pippa’s wedding ceremony does have a “no ring, no bring” rule but that her wedding reception doesn’t, so the ex-blogger and ex-face of Reitmans is going to that as Prince Hot Ginge’s date. Meghan lucked out. The wedding ceremony is boring and Pippa’s will probably be extra boring. The reception is where it’s at. Free booze. Free cake. Free Jordan almonds. And at the end of the night, you can sneak off with your table’s centerpiece as everyone drunkenly dances to “Last Dance” on the dance floor.

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Meghan Markle Shut Down Her Lifestyle Blog. What Does It All Mean?!!!

April 7, 2017 / Posted by:

Seen above doing the signature lifestyle blogger pose of sitting cross-legged on a cafe banquette while smiling at nothing in particular, Meghan Markle has closed up The Tig, the lifestyle blog she started in 2014. Don’t worry, readers of The Tig, there are approximately 500 billion other lifestyle sites that will tell you where to find the perfect gluten-free baked artisanal donut and will show you how to make the perfect wildflowers and mason jar centerpiece for your wedding reception. (SPOILER ALERT: To make the perfect wildflowers and mason jar centerpiece, throw some wildflowers in a mason jar, tie twine around that bitch and BOOM!)

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