It’s a new year, and it’s the same old shit: Duchess Meghan and Duchess Kate are still sucking up the news cycle. Well, them and Donald Trump.
Last year, the tabloids told us how Meghan is a bossy biddy who likes to make Kate cry in her spare time. Oh, and then there was how Kate was trying to glam it up to make more of a name for herself in the media. THE QUEEN was fed up with their shit and demanded they all spend Christmas together at their country estate. Part of the festivities included a happy walk to church to show how they’re suddenly all about sisterhood, but apparently behind doors there was a real heart-to-heart, trust fall, and the gals shared their real feelings.
When I heard Duchess Meghan and Duchess Catherine would end up spending Christmas together with THE QUEEN at her country estate, I figured their feuding would escalate to Kate snickering when Meghan sat down on a Whoopee cushion left on her chair, and Meghan would strike back by short-sheeting Kate’s bed. Alas, QE2 probably saw this coming and wasn’t about to have her Sandringham estate turned into hazing week at the Kappa Gamma house. Meghan and Kate were seen strolling en route to church looking like old chums, and The Sun’s creative writing interns say that wasn’t a coincidence.
Rather than see another headline about how she would like nothing more than to slap Duchess Kate with one of her silly fascinators, Duchess Meghan is deploying the greatest diversion tactic in her toolkit: the baby bump! Meghan was performing her last royal duty of 2018 today by visiting a nursing home for elderly who were once entertainers. Swapping jazz hands and dirt on silver screen legends with old fogies who don’t have any fucks left to give? Sign. Me. Up. Meghan, of course, had to make it all about her, so she spent most of the day rubbing her pregnant belly. Psh, pipe down, Meg! I’m trying to hear about how big of a dick Laurence Olivier could be.
Normally, THE QUEEN instructs her minions to maintain a DGAF policy when it comes to royal feuds, but this time it seems like HBIC is pissed holiday attention that normally goes to what she might say in her annual Christmas address is now all about how Duchess Meghan and Duchess Kate would wear something from Duchess Camilla’s closet than spend time with each other. This year, she’s making everyone play nice and spend holidays under the same roof. Everyone will have a happy holidays or else, dammit!
It’s a real pity Joan Rivers isn’t around to look at the ongoing maybe-tiff between Duchess Catherine and Duchess Meghan and have a big enough yawn that it tousles the weave on Giuliana Rancic. Kate and Meg may not be BFF4L to the point where Meghan and Prince Harry are moving from Kensington Palace to a big-ass, taxpayer-funded “cottage” (aka mansion) in Windsor. There’s now a report out that says Kate isn’t liking how all fashion eyes are on Meghan, so she’s upping her style.
In what I imagine is either a quest to get picked as the go-to stock picture for frames at the local Hallmark shop or another way to show they’re #justlikeus, Prince Charles& Co. released two family photos to coincide with his 70thbirthday today. Apparently, THE QUEEN did not get the invitation to the party!