It looks like 2018 isn’t turning out to be the complete flaming anal fissure that 2017 was. A jury said “Bye Bitch!” to Bill Cosby, North and South Korea vowed to stop warring, the Golden State Killer was possibly caught, Ryan Murphy made the best decision of his career by casting Joan Collins in the next AHS, the IRS discovered a glitch in my 2016 tax returns and sent me a $16 check, and now we’re learning that ABBA is going to cause ears to jizz out glitter by releasing new music. I’m going to pray that Alexander Skarsgard pops up on my Grindr tonight and messages me with, “Looking?” It can happen! Because if ABBA got back together, anything is possible!
Ryan Murphy Has Somehow Managed To Nab The Biggest Star In The World For The Next “American Horror Story”
Alternate title: Dame Joan Collins To Save “American Horror Story”!!
The following so-called famous people have been in past seasons of American Horror Story: Jessica Lange, Connie Britton, Angela Bassett, Kathy Bates, Joseph Fiennes, Sarah Paulson, Matt Bomer, Lady Gaga, James Cromwell, Cuba Gooding Jr., Frances Conroy, Emma Roberts, and Michael Chiklis. But AHS could never say that it was filled with blinding star power until now.
The Hollywood Reporter did a big profile on Ryan Murphy’s $300 million Netflix deal, and he dropped a few little nuggets. He’s thinking of doing a Barbra Streisand/Lady Gaga variety show (no, thank you), he’s contemplating a wellness show (another “no thanks” to GOOP TV), says that American Crime Story: Katrina is still in the works, and that an ACS season of the Monica Lewinsky/Clinton scandal has been canceled. (Ryan doesn’t think it’s his place to tell Monica’s story, and will only do it if she’s a producer and will get money out of it.) Buried in Ryan’s THR profile is a stage 10 bombshell: Dame Joan Collins is going to be in the next season of American Horror Story. THR probably buried the lede, because if they put it in the headline, their site would’ve crashed.
Sarah Jessica Parker should go ahead and add, “Also looking for a neurotic ass ginger who looks good in a business suit,” to the casting ad she’s going to post on Backstage to find a new Samantha, because it doesn’t look like Miranda Hobbes will be available for that third Sex and the City turd that only Carrie and Charlotte want.
As expected, Mrs. Rojo Caliente announced today that she’s going to try to take down Mr. Sandra Lee. Cynthia Nixon is running for Governor of New York against Andrew Cuomo. If you’re a New Yorker and screaming about how you’re sick of famous people running for office when they’ve never really had a job in politics before (see: Antonio Sabato Jr., Stacey Dash, etc…), then I need to tell you that a vote against Cynthia Nixon is a vote against Rojo Caliente becoming First Lady of New York and that is a vote against GOD, pretty much.
We found out last year that the idea of running for the governor of New York has been dancing inside of Cynthia Nixon’s head and that several people have told her to go for it. And in January, Cynthia moved the “rumor” closer to fact when she was asked if she was going to battle it out against the current governor, Mr. Sandra Lee (otherwise known as Andrew Cuomo), for the position of head bitch of New York, and she said, “Maybe.” And now NY1 is hearing that Cynthia is so serious about running that she’s getting her team together. You know, Cynthia Nixon is perfect for the world of politics. She’s used to dealing with petty and catty bitches in overpriced shoes.
Because of the billions upon billions of stories from people who have been preyed on by powerful trash men, Hollywood as we know it is burning down to the ground. And lurking in the smoke and flames is Hollywood’s future: ANGELYNE!
My headline is a bit misleading (What else is new?), because when I think of an “Angelyne TV series,” I prolapse from butt orgasming over the thought of an Angelyne reality show starring Angelyne. This isn’t a reality show and it’s not going to star Angelyne herself. It’ll be a scripted limited-series starring Emmy Rossum and it’ll be based on The Hollywood Reporter’s riveting tale of Angelyne’s transformation from Polish refugee to the candy-dipped Queen of Los Angeles. Hey, I’ll take an Angelyne TV series anyway it comes.
Put down Instagram, y’all, because TLC is gracing us with a true Throwback Thursday. In case you couldn’t tell by the flurry of fever posts regarding the return of Trading Spaces, we’re pretty fucking stoked that TLC is going to shove the Duggars to the side for a smidge of air time and bring back the gem of all reality shows. While Paige Davis was confirmed to return as host back in July, it wasn’t clear if the floodgates would open to allow the rest of the original Trading Spaces hot mess express of designers back in. The gods are shining upon us, as it is confirmed many of them are back on board…including DListed favorite HILDI SANTO-TOMAS!!! Continue reading