BUT WHAT ABOUT HAY-LOVING HILDI?!
Today’s home improvement shows are visual Ambien, and all about how perfect couples spend gobs of dough to flip shitty houses in the Valley, turning them into massive temples of beige. But back in the early 2000s, one design gem by the name of Paige Davis was all about screwing over your next door neighbor, with using not much more than your 7-year-old’s allowance as a decorating budget.
Yes, I know that’s redundant since The Golden Girls is really gay. But I’m talking about a version of the Golden Girls starring gay men, and no, it’s not called Golden Gays. It’s called Silver Foxes. I can already see Anderson Cooper rolling his eyeballs over them stealing his nickname!
As HuffPo points out, the producing and writing team of James Berg and Stan Zimmerman, who wrote episodes of The Golden Girls and Roseanne as well as A Very Brady Sequel, were on the podcast Party Foul Radio with Pollo & Pearl to talk about stuff. James and Stan said that after watching the documentary Before You Know It, which is about the struggles of elder-gays, they got the idea to do a show about four older gay men. So they wrote the pilot for Silver Foxes and last year they did a table reading of the script with George Takei, Bruce Vilanch, Leslie Jordan, Todd Sherry, Cheri Oteri and more!
My apologies to those of you who butt-birthed out a sparkly rainbow of excitement after looking at that headline and picture and thinking that Cyndi Lauper and Cher are going to star in a Broadway musical adaptation of a gay classic together. You know, like Showgirls: The Musical (Cyndi as Nomi, Cher as Cristal). Or Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?: The Musical (Cyndi as Baby Jane, Cher as Blanche). Or Death Becomes Her: The Musical (Cyndi and Cher alternating roles). As much as I want to see Cher’s Cristal sing out a riveting ballad called “You Are A Whore, Darlin'” to Cyndi’s Nomi, that’s a thing that will only exist in my dreams. They aren’t working together on Broadway and their projects are totally different. First up, Cyndi!
I don’t know if the foolery providers behind Sharknado give zero fucks or give way too many fucks. I think it’s the second one, but I’m not hating, because they have done what the makers of The Crown should’ve done: they cast Charo as the Queen of England in Sharknado 5: Global Swarming! The tagline for that mess is, “Make America Bait Again!” That’s got me thinking. If Trump never ran for president and SyFy cast him as the president in a Sharknado movie, we’d be like, “Oh, SyFy, time to stop lacing your crack with LSD!”
Bella Thorne is Lindsay Lohan’s successor in meth (I meant to type “successor in messiness” but that works too) and Scott Disick is the Brandon Davis of our time (aka a glob of douche discharge that we’d all probably do and live to regret after getting our gonorrhea results from the free clinic), so these two train wrecks were bound to crash into each other. This is probably going to end with Scott calling Bella a “firecrotch” to the paparazzi as whoever is the Parasite Hilton of our time (Hailey Baldwin? The Cash Me Ousside Girl? jiffpom?) cackles behind him.
This morning, when I read the headline, “TLC To Revive Trading Spaces,” I prayed to the gods to please fart some sense into the heads of TLC executives and get them to offer former HSOTD Hildi Santo-Thomas anything she wants to come out of interior design retirement to star in the revival of Trading Spaces. If TLC did that, they’d almost redeem themselves for infecting the world with the Duggars.